It Only Takes A Smile

One thing I love about Italy is there is an abundance of tattoos. I now have 6, and most are quite small. My most recent tattoo is larger than I had projected , due to the intricate work. It’s taken awhile to get used to, but now I fully embrace it. 
Going to the beaches in Positano and Capri, it was comforting to be around others with tattoos showing them off. Express art on your body , however big of small. The covert tattoos that exist beneath button down shirts and work trousers , momentarily are available to literally shine in the sun.

It was also a relief to be around people of all body types. Bathing suits leave little for the imagination , and although we aren’t naked , we are exposed. I tend to feel that in America (especially LA) we become so obsessed with having the perfect body, that it prohibits us from showing our skin. But in Italy, there were loads of women with tiny panzas (bellies), and it was awesome to see that. It helped decrease my self criticising thoughts about my body. I could embrace my Brazilian bikini which perhaps is slightly too small , but reframe “it enhances my curves. ”

Maybe I don’t go to the beach often enough anymore to witness this throughout the world. But here it seemed different. People didn’t walk around meekly, ashamed of their bodies. They walked around boldly, strutted and swayed their bodies . It was beautiful to witness.
A pregnant woman wore a bathing suit that said “sun’s out, bumps out.”

Our defeating thoughts about the faults in our bodies keep us from enjoying not just the beauty of the sun, or the soothing coolness of the water , but the fullness of life .

In Positano there is a trail that is supposedly the Hike of the Gods. But on the beach, us mortals reside. We have our imperfections, and we embrace them! La Dolce Vita is available for us all to drink in .

Spending several days in a tropical like environment is comforting to me.  Waking up as the sun rises, and hearing the sound of a rooster serves as an alarm gives me this reminiscent feeling . After 7 am passes, the church bells rang every thirty minutes.  It is as if those beginning moments of a day are universal.  Memories of my time in Hawaii , Cuernavaca Mexico, and Sampaloc Manila Philippines replayed in my brain.

I found it inviting to wake up each morning and engage in my daily discipline of meditation, gratitude, spiritual reading , and even yoga ! With this view, how could I not? There wasn’t anything more I needed.

But it’s not easy for everyone . It took awhile to adjust to our time in Sorrento, particularly for my husband. The main amenities we have everywhere we go we’re practically non-existent here.  No air conditioning in restaurants or stores when it was 90 degrees Fahrenheit outside. No ice cubes, fast wifi , and a lack of non-stop city action. But after our third evening , he finally arrived. The calm and relaxed husband I had been waiting for arrived. 

We could appreciate sitting for a cappacino looking out on our balcony at the beautiful landscape. Although the buildings around were not modern and updated , there was still beauty in the collective experience. Everything was enough. 

Although he may not have viewed it this way, it reminded me of attending a silent meditation retreat.  In the beginning there is all this internal chatter of pain, discomfort , stress, and irritability . But with time we were able to let go of it all and be. 

I had heard this saying before how a nomadic tribe would wait several days after travelling for their souls to arrive. And how true this can be for us all? 

We are always so busy in our everyday lives, do we give space for our souls to arrive? This is where lies the importance of meditation . Each day we have the opportunity for our souls to catch up with our bodies. And we can allow ourselves to find beauty in the simple.

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”-Leonardo Da Vinci 

There’s an allure to Paris…. I can’t help but want to pretend I live there , speak French, exude romanticism, and have the mysterious sex appeal of the French women. Therefore I bought this book on my Eurostar journey home last weekend: how to be Parisian wherever you are .

There are numerous sections and tips in there such as how we should choose our perfume by the time we are 30, never smile with showing our gums, and to keep it simple. But the one piece that stands out for me…Be Your Own Knight In Shining Armour.

That principle has repeated in my head throughout the past week. It’s been a mantra. I tried to share it with a male friend this week, who initially had trouble understanding it. Later he said “oh it’s because people can disappoint you. “. 

Yes, but it’s so much more than that. Why should we as females wait for a man to save us from the lives we are living ? Or to complete our stories? Or to make us happy? We are capable of doing this ourselves and should! 

Regardless if we are male or female, when we recognise we are responsible for our own happiness and fate , we will miraculously bring in a happier partner . 

Stand tall. Be your own superhero. Be your own Knight In Shining Armour . You deserve this !

“O Christ you are,

Lord of our Journeying,
Lord of our Searching,
Lord of our Exploring,
Lord of our Finding,
Lord of our Arriving.
May we find that in travelling to the edges

We discover the Centre.”

-taken from http://www.journeying.co.uk

I found this poem on a bookmark in a church from the 1600s adjacent to the retreat center I was stayed at. During an extended lunch break, I wandered into there. I was at Gaia House, a Buddhist retreat center located in Devon England. Almost every retreat they hold is in silence, therefore this abandoned church served as a refuge. On retreat, not only were we to be verbally silent, but we were to not read or write. Our minds could only be stimulated by what was physically around us in real time… our bodies, the fluctuations in our mind, the nature that surrounded us, and the immediate interactions with our atmosphere.
The church had a guestbook filled with past attendees names, there were also notes on a bulletin board written to people who had passed away and even notes to God. Because the church was only kept open by volunteers, it seemed people appeared comfortable to have a conversation with those on another realm. These notes were short, not long profound letters. It was as if people felt safe here, that this bulletin board would serve as a portal. Being silent for days will do that to you. Quiet the mind from external noise, allow one to filter through their own thoughts, and deliver heart messages to those we yearned for dearly. Maybe through our silence we could hear a response from a loved one or God.
Our daily routine included:

 
7 30-45 minute meditations

3 30-45 minute walking meditations
1 chi gong session
1 dharma talk
1 hour karma yoga
-by choice I added a daily 30 minute self-led yoga session
What arose from this meditation retreat was my purpose. I felt as if I needed to learn to share meditation and mindfulness with others in a way that is palpable. Not many people may allow or give themselves the opportunity to attend several days of silent retreat. But could I assist them with attaining the essence of it?
How could I even describe the essence of it?

I did not have any mind altering meditation sessions. I did not become self-realized. I don’t even know if I could state I had a “good” meditation session. But I did work on learning to control my monkey mind. I brought it back to the present place. 
One of the leaders of the retreat discussed how we should breathe through our seat (while sitting) or our feet (while standing). Allow our body absorb up the earth’s energy. She would signify with her finger to breathe into now, drawing her finger up and down vertically several times. Breathe vertically into the present, instead of how we usually breathe horizontally. Horizontal breath is back to the past or forward to the future. Her finger motioned this as well. This simple demonstration and practice was shifting. We were informed throughout each practice to “feel how this is in our bodies right now.” In practicing this multiple times per day, our bodies could imprint this experience to return to whenever necessary.
Through practice, this becomes available as a “go to” tool to return to.
Silent retreats are not once in a lifetime experiences, but something that we should have in our lives frequently. They serve as reminders for us to arrive to now. The mind will fluctuate. Return to now.
I have attempted to share the practice of mindfulness with my mother through the simple practice of “Breath In, Breathe Out.”’ Resources of books, apps, and websites have been shared as well, but what has stuck is that mantra “Breathe In, Breathe Out.” It doesn’t take much to remember. Yet she frequently forgets.
My mother struggles with extreme highs and lows. The most recent one was earlier last week. As she crawled out of the low with the assistance of her husband and local family support, I reminded her of the phrase “Breathe In, Breathe Out.” She was inspired to have this be easily accessible that she got it tattooed on her left forearm!
I have this large aspirational goal to impact others with potential of mindfulness and meditation in their daily lives. My ideal audience is clients, workshop attendees, and future readers of my book. At times I feel I am not successful until that latter monumental task is achieved. But perhaps success starts at home. If I could convert and assist my mother to breathing into now, instead of the past and future, it’s enough. 
A tattoo is more than enough, it’s a transformation!
“In every day, there are 1,440 minutes. That means we have 1,440 daily opportunities to make a positive impact. “-Les Brown    

If you take myth and folklore, and these things that speak in symbols, they can be interpreted in so many ways that although the actual image is clear enough, the interpretation is infinitely blurred, a sort of enormous rainbow of every possible colour you could imagine. -Diana Wynne Jones

Recently, I had the luxury of visiting the trifecta of the Balkan coastline: Tallinn, Helsinki, and Riga. Although all cities were quite amazing, there was this pull in Riga to know the culture on a deeper level. As I lingered onto the city’s streets and stores, I noticed a pattern of symbols popping up frequently on clothing, purses, notebooks, scarves, and wallets. I inquired a store teller about this, as I noticed the images were being sold as small wooden souvenirs.

She began to describe that these were symbols of their pagan Gods. It wasn’t until the 13th century that Christianity were forced on the Latvians. Despite this, the symbols remained rooted in the culture over time. At first I simply bought several symbols as gifts, and left the store. I quickly returned and stocked up buying 15 various symbols, but almost half of them were one particular style. Although the most popular one was “Austras koks” (power of all symbols), there was only one left. I chose to stock up on “Ugunskrusts” because it was described as the most ancient of all symbols and was equated with strength. It looked celtic and I thought this would be a perfect gift for others. The store teller Janna told me I could use the symbols as either a display on my xmas tree, in a car, office, home. It was versatile, cheap, and portable for gifts.

“Is there a book on this?” I asked Janna. “Just google it,” she encouraged me. I would find loads of resources. And therefore that evening, in my hotel room, I did. I began finding page after page of the history behind these symbols, numerous individuals gracing themselves with tattoos of these images, and other souvenir ideas I could purchase. But then I stumbled on a fact that I could not release from my head.

The Ugunskrusts which I purchased 7 of were previously worn by the Latvian military, as it signified strength. Germany was inspired by this, and therefore embraced it. It became known to the world as a “swastika”. Of course! I knew how familiar this looked. Why didn’t the store clerk tell me?

I informed my husband, and was horrified I did this. He laughed, and I was curious if I could exchange these souvenirs the next day. He reminded me that it wasn’t America, I would be stuck with 7 swastikas. The next morning, I woke up, and ensured I entered the store when it opened at 1000 am. Luckily Janna was there and recalled our interaction the day previously. I graciously inquired if I could exchange the 7 symbols for other ones. She quickly approved. I should have stopped my mouth there. But my babbling mouth continued.

“I googled it like you told me to, and it said that these were swastikas.” 

She retorted,”they are not swastikas.”

Ugg, I realized I was offending her. This was a Seinfeld episode living itself out in real time. I couldn’t stop it. 
 “I know they were originally gods here years ago, then taken from the Latvian military by the Nazis. But my family and friends may see it as swastikas. And we’re ethnic.”
She understood and was cordial. I left, but kept ruminating on how I may have offended Janna. I returned to the store, apologized again, and took a photo with her. I knew this would be a funny story. 
Having this experience, reminds me of the essence of why we travel. We uncover history of spiritual roots of a country, the power of symbols and how it can be transformed and rewritten, and the authentic vulnerable interactions we are able to have with strangers, even with store clerks who sell us souvenirs. 

Thanks Janna.

How beautiful for people to share gratitude in song! Can life be a musical ? 

I have always connected to this song whether it was from the original wizard of oz or hawaii’s brother iz. The song can be sung with a sense of loneliness, reflection, hope, bliss, and unity (as in this video).

We tend to confine our singing abilities to sacred places… the shower, church, concerts, sports games, karaoke and/or piano bars. But what about everywhere else in between?

On public transportation , regardless how crowded the train is, we build up invisible walls for people to not enter. We zone into a book we are reading , blast our headphones for a song or podcast , or simply daydream to a place anywhere than here. But there are moments for connection available . Sometimes the most beautiful ones I have seen on social media of strangers connecting are on subway /metro rides.

What is over the rainbow for you? How can you make a stranger smile today ? 

“Guard well your thoughts when alone and your words when accompanied.” ― Roy T. Bennett

Today marks the start of a potential transformation. Six days and five nights of pure silence at a retreat. When I share this with people, many think I’m mad (not American angry, but British crazy). Why would I pay a center for silence? No speaking, technology, no cell phone alarm clocks, no reading tangible books, writing. In addition, I am sure the meals we will be fed are vegetarian, there’s no sex, smoking, or alcohol. Of all these different factors, I believe a majority of them will not be an issue. In my heart, the only one that will is no writing.

I can withstand silence, no wifi, and even the lack of reading. But I long to write. I can be alone with my thoughts, but I recognize there is an importance of outputting them on paper. I like to see what I’m thinking externally. There are the lists I create of personal, travel, and life goals. There are the lists of reflections, such as countries I’ve been to, books I’ve read for the year, dreams, or boys I’ve kissed (although I am married, I never want to forget).
But perhaps the point is to get away from this potential to plan or list out my life. The goal is to just be present. I believe I do this already. I always talk about mindfulness, but do I really do it? 
Each month this year, I do something I fear. This is one for this month…silence.

Someone said yesterday perhaps I will analyze myself, since I am a psychologist. I responded with, “this is all I will do.” This is all I already do, and it will be heightened exponentially.

What am I fearful of?

I am afraid of perhaps not liking who I am? Questioning my inherent good versus evil thoughts that arise. I am fearful that I may sink into a sense of self hate about my physical attire, body weight, lack of exercise, lack of motivation. I will question everything. And just sit with the answers, not being able to process with anyone including myself.
On the other side, I could become overwhelmed with a sense of joy for life and gratitude. I may truly appreciate numerous things that were not part of my life for days: music, loved ones, connection, writing, speaking. I am already cautious of what the first words will be that will leave my mouth. There may be this realization how valuable each word we speak is. I may speak less, or perhaps choose my words with deeper caution, knowing the impact they may have. 

As this blog is about spreading kindness, perhaps today we can reflect on how our words (written and verbal) impact and land on each other and ourselves.

“Because even the smallest of words can be the ones to hurt you, or save you.” 

― Natsuki Takaya

I would have thought that after travelling to 41 countries and living overseas for 4 years would kill off my wanderlust spirit, but it has done the opposite. It’s only gotten stronger. I have become more determined to see as much of the world as I can.

This is an issue in that my husband only wants to visit three European countries repeatedly: Italy , France , and Spain. It’s for the sake of food, he is a highly desirable fine dining chef and these are three of my favourite countries.  But there’s so much more out there. And this is why I travel solo.

These past 5 days I took a brief holiday to Riga, Tallinn, and Helsinki . I never once dreamed going to these three spots in the world. This makes the trip even more valuable. I am superceeding the travel goals I have set for myself long ago.  Each country I visit, I try to not just look how things are different (architecture, people, clothing, language, customs), but I also try to envision what I can compare it to. What are the influences from the world I know so far? For example in Tallinn, yes there is the German influence of the town square but the newer renovations give off a Copenhagen /Los Angeles vibe.

I admit the older I get and the more I travel , the less research I do. I learn at the bare minimum “thank you.” I may watch some travel shows at home (thanks Rick Steves and Anthony Bourdain). And it isn’t until I am at the airport or the hotels does the true research start.

Perhaps I should be scared when visiting a new place , but somehow I feel confident and comfortable. Maybe this is a false sense of security, but oddly I feel the world is my home.​

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I did the 23&me DNA test recently, and what I discovered is that I am almost every ethnicity . The entire map of the world was highlighted except Russia and Greenland. 

So perhaps when I visit all these countries, I just am visiting my people. I did learn I am 5% Balkan. Who knew? There’s comfort everywhere I go that these are my people. What a novel concept! 

With wanting to see as much of the world I can, I may not just be desiring to learn about what else is out there , but what lays inside .

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you really are.”-Carl Jung

There is something so beautiful and magical in being in the atmosphere of our favourite musicians . In the clip below, you can almost feel the patient getting healing energy from Florence.  I couldn’t help but smile, cry, and want to sing after watching this. Music is magical .

We idealise artists sometimes externally for the wrong reasons.  Those that are the most well known tend to be the most beautiful, extroverted on the social scene , and played most frequently on the Top 40 radio stations. We give musicians god -like power, which they are not really worthy of. 

But they can be angels.

Musicians have the potential to allow the spirit to flow through their music, into your ears, and land on your soul. 

We sometimes miss the impact of art , because we are distracted on the external charade. Go deeper, close your eyes and  allow your entire self to feel the music. 

Let the music drip onto each pore.  Inhale it in.  

“Angels descending, bringing from above,

Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.”-Fanny J Cosby

He has more yogis in his class than I do! It’s so beautiful to watch how we can impact others at any age. 
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