Happiness is a Human Right

30 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

I was at a my first raclette party the other day filled with expats, who mention they may not return to the United States due to several things: healthcare, guns, and education.  “Healthcare is a human right, it should not be for profit.”  I cannot disagree with this statement, and it ruminates in my head as I live here, and ponder my future.  

Later that evening, I got off at the metro stop Varenne by the Rodin Museum (my favorite sculptor).  The Eiffel Tower was in the background shining, as I walked towards my apartment.  I was leaving a dinner with a new group of friends, I had just gone on a date that surprisingly went well the day prior, and had plans the next day to meet up with creatives to lead an Artist Way workshop.  I thought “this is my life!”  I’m shocked by this fact repeatedly.  Paris is my current hometown.  I live in a city people dream for years to visit, and I was doing it.  I was living in a town filled with delights in pleasure. But I couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt.

Did I deserve to be happy?  I wasn’t working.  I thought of the judgements others may have towards my happiness that I was lazy, a freeloader, or a drifter. I even thought of so many people who are suffering, who may believe I wasn’t worthy of this emotion.  

I was setting limits on the bounty of my happiness.  

Why do I feel guilty for feeling happy?  It’s as if I feel happiness should be earned.  I felt guilty that I was not working in a job.  I had this false belief that I could only receive happiness if I clocked in 40 hours and received a paycheck.  

I was setting rules to how I could enjoy myself.  

But as I walked home, I battled that thought.  Happiness does not have to be earned.  It is a human right, just like health care is a human right.  We all deserve and have access to happiness.  It’s not a limited resource, or tied to profit.  I have the right to be happy.  And I will continue to remind myself this, as I live in the city of my dreams.  

“You stumble, you soar. And if you’re lucky, you make it to Paris for a while.” — Amy Howard

Oh La La

25 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

While taking a stroll in a local Parisian park, a recent expat said to me, “The French really like saying Oh La La.”  Prior to living in Paris, when I heard the phrase “Oh La La”, I thought it simply would be the phrase that would come out of Miss Piggy’s mouth from The Muppets when she saw Kermit.  For me, it meant “Wow”, “Sexy”, or “I love this.”  But it’s multidimensional.  I heard the phrase three times this week, used in different contexts.

1-Frustration:

I was in the line of a marche (market).  I had several items, the woman behind me had one item, and the old man in front of me pulled out his entire rollie of products to be scanned.  The woman behind me sighed “Oh La La,” as he emptied the entire contents of 20 plus products to the cash register.  She did not want to wait and was frustrated there was only one cashier that day.  

2-Disappointment:

Earlier in French class this week, we each had to read our answers to various homework questions.  When one person was asked to read the number 85, she could not recall how to say this.  The teacher breathed out, “Oh La La”, disappointed that we were already at the end of 8 weeks of French and a simple number could not be read.  For those, counting it’s pronounced “quatre-vingt-cinq.”  

3-Adoration:

My nearly 15 year old English Bulldog loves going to the park, but does not seem to have the energy or motivation to walk two long blocks to our destination.  Therefore, I transport him in a stroller.  Upon our return from Champs de Mars, a man looked at the tired but content Puzo, and smiled saying “Oh La La”.  I could sense in the hint of “how precious.”

I am sure there are many other ways to use this phrase.  It’s a catch all like, “Oh my gosh”, “Ay ya ya”, “Geez Louise.”  This is one phrase that seems stereotypical, but I am going to try to embed into my vocabulary.  Perhaps you will catch me next time saying “Oh la la,” but hopefully in a complimentary way. 

Am I an American in Paris?

20 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized

“…the whole of Paris is a vast university of Art, Literature and Music…it is worth anyone’s while to dally here for years. Paris is a seminar, a post-graduate course in Everything.”-James Thurber

         The market street of Rue Cler is petit, cute, and quintessentially Parisian.  It has all the shops you need in one space, but not under the roof of a supermarket.  Because it has such charm, it’s highly frequented by tourists.  As I hear American accents, part of me recognizes they are from my homeland.  But am I American?  I’ve lived away from America for nearly 9 years, and in addition to that 2 of my adult years were in Hawaii (not the mainland).  

         I stood in line for a coffee today, and as I did, there was an American who spoke Franglaise.  The barista opted to speak to her in English.  The American then said, “merci beaucoup, thank you.”  Both phrases to ensure the staff member understood her.  Yet when I ordered in French, I didn’t speak one word in English.  She responded by speaking to me in French.  Perhaps I am fitting in a tiny bit more than I thought.  Maybe my French is better, or at least I’m attempting to speak French in full sentences or I appear to fit in more?  

         I can’t help but ponder my identity several months into my year here.  It’s more than the exterior of language.  How American am I in my values?  How I represent myself to the world? How I engage with others.  It’s quite interesting the longer one is away from one’s home country, one begins to understand it more because it’s viewed and questioned from numerous angles.  I can also appreciate aspects of it that I have taken for granted, each time I return home, such as closet space, convenience, sense of humor, idioms, and the fact I can understand everything that is being said.

         The shock values is heightened with each trip back to America over the years, and then my eventual return to wherever I am living at the moment.  Where is home?  What resonates with me?  How do I want to live my life?  I will continue to ponder these questions over lattes the next several months…

Positif ou Négatif

16 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

The other day in French class we were learning various adjectives for emotions or character traits: triste, agreable, serieux, desagreable.  We had to quantify if these words were positive or negative.  We got to a word “orgueilleux,” which according to google means “proud.”  A classmate noted, “c’est positif.”  The teacher disagreed, and the student looked at the class, shrugged his shoulders and said “depends.”  The teacher then shared that it means more than proud, it means “arrogant.”  This is pride discussed in the way Jane Austen would back in the day.  So the class agreed, “c’est negatif.”  

It’s interesting as a psychologist, to sit in a classroom and label emotions as “bad or good.”  This is what we are trying to get away from in society, as all emotions should be welcome.  There’s a time and place for sadness, anger, joy, and seriousness.  But I understand, we are doing this exercise, solely as a learning experiment.  The images shown to describe the emotions were the universal language of emojis. 

 

When you are in a beginners language class, generally there is no room for debate or philosophical discussion.  It’s basically a time for memorization, particularly if the words are positif or negatif, or feminin ou masculin.  

Is it written in the stars?

13 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

I have a deep fascination with all that is mystical and magic.  When I was younger, I had this belief that “it was written in the stars.”  Our fates were decided for us, and we were destined to live it out.  Now, this has shifted.

I believe we are co-creators.

We may be pivoted to live a particular life, due to numerous factors.  This could be our upbringing, families, astrological sign, karmic debt, education, or communities we grew up in.  But we are not doomed to live one path.  

Life is a collaborative, ongoing, and active process.  

Our tomorrows are written by the actions we take today.

If you do not like the dynamics of your current lifestyle, you have the power to change it.  But it’s not simply magic, manifesting and wishing it.  It takes consistent work towards the goal we have.  It’s the small decisions you make every day that leads to the path of where you want to go.  Instead of complaining of your circumstances, process the lessons learned, and take action.  

You always have a choice in the destiny you choose to live.

A missed opportunity

11 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized

Today, I was watching my two dogs, after I gave them dental bones.  These two dogs love one another and will cuddle all the time.  But when food is involved, it seems their personalities shift to “to each their own.”  These dental bones can take a long time to chew and are weekly rewards.  But each time I give them to the dogs, they approach the situation differently.

Puzo, the English Bulldog, is in his own world.  His focus solely is on the bone entering his mouth and nothing else.  Bella , the pug chihuahua mix, simply watches him and growls.  She is focused on the future, knows he will finish his first, and then go for hers.  Her preoccupation on him taking her bone, keeps her from enjoying the moment.  Puzo finishes his bone, and I am the one who then takes away Bella’s, as a fight will inevitably ensue.  

It led me to ponder, who are we when pleasure enters our lives?

Are we like Puzo, who lives in the moment and enjoys it for what it is? 

Or are we like Bella, limiting our pleasure, because we know the moment will end? 

How have you responded but also how do you want to respond?  You have a choice on how you want to enjoy your own metaphorical dental bone!

Enjoy present pleasures in such a way as not to injure future ones.- Seneca

Small Home Treasures

09 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

         “Tiny houses empower you to more specifically choose how you want to live.”-Ethan Waldman

         Anyone close to me could tell you, I am not much of a detail-oriented person.  I see the big picture, but not all the little pieces.  Yet with living in a small home, there is not much space to roam.  One cannot help but see the nuances that arise. 

         I can notice when new dust settles into a certain area, and for some reason I take more pride in ridding that dust.  Even though I have no current visitors to my 290 square foot apartment, it’s important that it stays as clean as possible.  There is not much space for excess food, toiletries, or clothes.  All that is within these four walls must have a purpose.  I do not buy more than I need, because there is nowhere to store this.  This must be a combination of tiny home living and not living in America, where I can feel compelled to buy all shiny objects that are within my sight.  

         I’m learning the difference of want and need.

I also have been home more to recognize how the atmosphere of the room shifts throughout a twenty-four hour period.  When I first moved here, it was dark until 800 am, but now the sun seems to rise closer to 700.  My two dogs and I notice how the minutes of daylight have extended.  Puzo and Bella shift their bodies with the sunlight, almost as if their torsos are hands of a sundial.  I have made makeshift dog beds for them to pivot towards the rays, tanning as tourists do on a summer holiday.

Could I use more space? Oui.

Do I need more space to make me more happy? Not necessarily.  

There is a sense of contentedness here.  I have time.  I have all that I need.  I take pride in what I do own.  And I can simply be, as I also shift my body towards the sun with my dogs.

Fondue Etiquette

06 Mar 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , ,

I was in a fondue pop up Swiss Restaurant in a French Agriculture Exposition.  And I felt judged.  My French friend watched me as I dipped my bread into the fondue pot.  I knew there was a comment to be made.  Portions of bread were provided to be dipped in the cheese, and so I did.  After some time, he said “no, cut it into small pieces, like this.  That way you could cover every spot of the bread and have even more cheese with more little pieces of bread.”  Ahh.  This made more sense.  I thought dipping the big piece of bread with the skewer looked awkward.  I had only frequented The Melting Pot once, an American high end chain fondue restaurant.  It actually is the only fondue restaurant I had ever visited.  I was no pro at this, I admit.

But he kept watching me.  I knew what it was.  When I rolled my cheese in the fondue, there was so much excess string I pulled the string piece out of the pot with my fingers.  I made sure it didn’t touch the pot.  Was he worried about my germs?  “See I’m not touching the other cheese, I’m pulling it out,” I said to his perplexed face.  “No, like this,” he said.   “You must be patient, as you roll it. Just wait.” I had noted my poor fondue skills, as I had been pulling the cheesy bread out of the pot too quickly.  The string would then come with it, versus letting it linger and eventually harden to the bread before bringing it to my plate.  I realized I would have to learn to soften my American ways during this year in Paris, in more areas than just fondue etiquette.  Most likely this virtue would serve as my mantra for the months to come: patience. 

I had quit my job two months prior, and felt I needed to already be a success in this new world I was venturing into of being an entrepreneur and author.  I wanted to see results fast and damn was I struggling, like that piece of melted cheese. I seemed to forget why I had moved here.  I moved here to write my book, spend more time with my aging dogs, learn French, and make new friends.  In my previous job, the last several years my life consisted solely of work, and a minimal social life.   Here, I had the opposite schedule.  My days were filled with French classes, trips to art museums, and friendship outings, but I feel I am not being productive enough.  I was judging myself because I had yet to be a signed author.   

But everything takes time.  And who is to say I am not successful in living the life I am living right now?  It is a dream for many Americans to vacation here, let alone live here.  Wasn’t the life I am living successful because I am doing what I set out to and enjoying it along the way?  Tim Ferriss encourages us to have multiple mini retirements throughout our life, not just one big retirement.  Perhaps I can learn to live into this during the year, minus the guilt of productivity. 

So this year, as I learn the practice of undoing the busy, I will also begin to embrace the acts of pleasure and patience.  Maybe this is what Paris is meant to teach me, and to eat from a fondue properly.

“When good Americans die, they go to Paris.”-Oscar Wilde