It Only Takes A Smile

Earlier this week, I decided to cut out an additional side project in which I would be coaching part time for a particular organization.   There were hours of training, an exam, and structured sessions necessary to partner with them.  This seemed to be like a lot of work for only a several hour weekly commitment of a side job.  In the past, I would simply go along with this, not thinking much of what was required.  Yet the older I get, the more I try to pivot towards authenticity.  I am asking myself “What do I really want to do?” versus telling myself “this is something I should do.  I am turning up the volume of my internal wisdom.  Not only is the sound getting louder, but I am finally listening.  

To say no to this does not equate with fear that nothing else will come along. To say no is to say yes to a more true me.  After I made this decision, I listened.  The next day synchronicity arose from the books I was reading, and ideas shared within them.  Clarity arose.  I recognized I wanted to focus my extra energy and hours (outside of my full time job and other commitments) towards my writing world.  A brilliant idea came to pitch a course to another organization, and finally self publish my second book, that has been sitting for the past year, waiting to be read.  

When we remove the excess, truth is revealed.  

This does not mean when “stuff” is removed, it should automatically be replaced with more “stuff.”  What it means is that when we declutter, space is made available to see our internal longings.  From this, we can choose to act wisely.

It’s up to you of how you want to view what “stuff” means to you.  “Stuff” can equate with tangible things like clothes, shoes, paperwork.  What it can also mean is busy-ness, toxic people, negative thoughts, commitments.  Ironically, this is what my book The Subtraction Method: Mastering the Art of Less is about.   More to come on that in the upcoming months. 

Ask: What in your life can you work on removing?  

Release: Can you allow yourself the privilege to release that which no longer serves you?

Intuit: Once this process is completed, listen.  What does your intuition say? 

Act: Take action.

The process is simple, but it’s so necessary to allow space to listen before replacing.  Then act from a place of wisdom versus fear.  Share your experience with me.

“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”- Mark Twain

Is it possible to live a life without regrets? 

If so how is that done?  

How am I going to live, knowing that I will die? 

I ask myself these questions frequently.  Nearing middle age, I remind myself “life is short.”   Time is a valuable resource, which is limited, the question unknown to all of us is the amount.  A colleague of mine says weekly, “we only have so many heartbeats.”  And knowing this, how do you want to live your life?

For many of us during covid, we had nothing but time to pause and reflect on what we want to do when lockdowns lifts.  What was it we really valued?  Was it travels to adventurous places?  Visiting friends and family?  Being in a romantic relationship?  Changing careers?  Deepening one’s spiritual community?  Trying a new hobby you have been putting off?

I know I write about this topic frequently, but the essence is important.  There is an app called “we croak” , which reminds us five times a day we are going to die.  This is taken from a Buddhist tradition from Bhutan.  When the app warns you, death is imminent, and inspirational quote follows.  This is not meant to be morbid or dark, but remind you that your life is waiting to be lived. It’s interesting because I share this app with so many people, I even talk about it when giving presentations or workshops.  So I found it interesting when I shared the above Mark Twain quote with a friend this past week, he shared a quote with me from the we croak app. “If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.”-Dolly Parton

Time is a valuable treasure.  In our youth, many of us feel we are immortal.  Death will be during “old age,” but the truth is none of us knows when this will come.  If you are not proud or joyous in the life you are living, you have the luxury to take that other path.

We have all these opportunities to course correct our lives.  If you are dissatisfied, will you take it?  If not, why not?  What are you waiting for?

Have you taken yourself on a date lately?  

Julia Cameron, author of The Artist Way, encourages all creatives to do three things each week: morning pages (freestyle journaling each morning for three pages), 20 minute walks daily, and artist dates.  Although we may not view ourselves as “creative”, these are amazing weekly activities we all should participate in.  The idea of taking ourselves on a date, may feel awkward.  We tend to only try new restaurants, see shows or films, or go to museums in the company of others.  There is nothing wrong with having dates with others, but it’s also important to date ourselves.  When we date someone, intimacy develops.  We peak into the other’s likes, dislikes, passions, interests, dreams through deep conversations, exploration, adventure, and a sense of wandering.  It is vital we do this with ourselves.

Artist dates do not have to equate with going to a museum, writing conference, or painting class (although it can).  I tend to view these dates as a form of self-care, it could include everything from a much needed massage, to a walk along a beach, sitting in a coffee shop sipping a latte, or going for a hike.  We simply need to be intentional with these acts, and inquire within to listen what our heart’s desire longs for this week.  And enjoy.  Lavish in the date.

During the lockdown, I admit my artist dates were not so unique.  They included such things as making a new cuisine for myself (in which I splurged on ingredients for), watching a film on Netflix uninterrupted, coloring in my hygge adult coloring book, and sitting in the park reading a book.  Yet, on my recent trip, I engaged in numerous artist dates.  I couldn’t wait to report back to my virtual Artist Way group about them.  These included numerous hikes, coffee shop visits with journaling time, a West End show, street art walking tour, and a front row seat at the Pump Room (a Bath restaurant from the late 1700s) where a musical trio performed.  Artist Dates inspire us to live a more enriched life, and appreciate the small moments.  We may find that we are content with living a luxurious life, that doesn’t really cost much money.  We don’t have to wait to live the life we want.  We are already living it.  

So I encourage you readers to take time out for yourself this week.  Treat yourself to an artist date.  Share with me what you did!!! 

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“If you think adventures are dangerous, try routine: It’s Lethal.”– Paulo Coelho.

We travel to break the monotony of our daily lives.  This includes leaving our jobs, responsibilities, familiarities, and tendencies at home.  We travel to restore ourselves, try new things, let go of our contained selves to allow movement to our souls and bodies.  Yet, what I am finding for me is that we need to navigate a balance of ourselves on trips: our vacation self, disciplined self, playful self, curious self, and wise self.  

It’s easy to let loose on vacation.  I hadn’t left my home to stay overnight in ten months, and to embark on an adventure was celebratory.  This included my senses being on overload with sights, smells, walks, and tastes of non-stop fun.  But we can overdo it, or at least I did.  Somehow much of the food I ate the past several days caught up with me: full English breakfasts (even though they were vegetarian), burgers, chips (also known as French fries to Americans), a lack of hydration, partnered with non-stop tourist attractions, driving down windy British back roads, and being around people 24/7 post covid overwhelmed me.  In addition, I longed for seafood and perhaps overate to simply taste the pleasures of the coastal life.  After 2 days of this, I felt as if I woke up with a hangover.  It was not due to drinking, but non-stop going, and being out of my eating regime.  During trips we want to let loose, and we should.  Yet a balance may be necessary, depending on what your day to day life looked like before.

I’ve allowed myself the space for my morning discipline to take place: meditation, journaling (also known as morning pages), gratitude, silence, intention.  But I realized I need the additional centering from the rejuvenation of naps, stillness, and slowing down.  How can we enjoy vacations if they are at full speed?  The luxury lies in the ability to slow down. 

I took an evening to do nothing, skipped a meal, slept, rehydrated, and allowed myself to recalibrate.  And I feel much better.  As I continue the remainder of this week long journey, I know my days must balance the adventurer with the self-nurturer.  This will lead to an enriched sustainable journey.Who are you when you vacation? Do you live a life of excess, moderation, balance, or flow?  How has the pandemic impacted who you are when you travel today?  What can you do to allow stillness and presence to arrive in the midst of vacation

I arise to the sounds of birds calling from my room.  At 5:00 am, I take it as wake up calls to get out of bed and take in the day.  I am staying on the Isle of Portland, in the Jurassic Coast.  This is the first time I have stayed overnight somewhere that was not my home in ten months, due to covid.  For a wanderluster, like me, it feels like years.  But as I watched the stillness of the sailboats, I realize I don’t need much to bring me to a place of tranquility.

I have been longing for this.  Months of non-stop work at my place of employment, and my side projects have kept me busy. Although I love staycations, and find enjoyment in my home, I do appreciate exploring the world outdoors.

Nobody in the hotel or town is up yet, and therefore I put on my shoes and light jacket and step outside.  I find the perfect spot for my morning meditation: sitting on the pier outside of my hotel.  Today my meditation consisted of closing my eyes, and simply focusing on the sense of sound.  There are seagulls but many other birds I can’t identify.  Are these mating calls, wake up calls, or simply shout outs to friends to gather nearby and find food?  I hear waves, not from the water in front of me, but somewhere in the distance.  The atmosphere appears silent, but in reality, it’s oozing with life.  And then I hear and sense the tiny raindrops that fall onto the water in front of me, and I sense them on my skin.  I do not run for cover.  It’s England.  I simply embrace the moment.  

Although I am one who loves travelling to exotic lands, or the ends of the earth, there is something refreshing with the stillness of sailboats in calm waters.  Perhaps as we are drawn to water, because so much of us internally consists of water.  Or the sailboats are reminiscent of memories I can’t place.  There is a universality to seeing sailboats in Old Saybrook Connecticut, Paros Greece, Honolulu, seas of Jordan, or Long Beach California.   It may be in our collective unconscious to find rejuvenation when gazing at the simplicity of a sailboat.  

When choosing a place to say, the Isle of Portland, became our hub.  Just outside our door, was the Navy and Air bases that were the departure points for DDay for many Americans, a castle built during the time of Henry the 8^th, and a location hub for the Olympics in 2021 for sailing competitions.  Despite all this history, this town is modest, quiet, and non-elitist.  Other sites in Dorset county, pull the attention of tourists to it.  The hotel is no frills but boasts a beautiful view from the window sill of our room, which I make as my makeshift writing nook.  

We travel for adventure, vitality, escape, restoration, bragging rights, and a break from boredom.  But sometimes all we desire is a reason to slow down from the busy-ness of our everyday lives.   We don’t need a fancy hotel, expensive restaurants, or an over the top Instagram snapshot.  We solely need to view of the stillness of sailboats, and find once again the stillness that can exist within.