“I would rather own a little and see the world than own the world and see a little of it.” ~ Alexander Sattler
Today I leave for a one week long silent retreat. Although I am flying from Spain to Italy, there’s no stress. The bus ride to the airport and security check in was easy, minimal people and lines. There is beauty in travelling in your city’s down season. I am not fluent in Spanish or Italian, but travelling between these countries is uncomplicated. Currently I am living in Spain, and Italy I have been to nearly fifteen times. It feels as if it is a second home, and therefore my parasympathetic nervous system is in activation.
One has to mentally prepare for a silent retreat. The planner and I Pad were left at home. In addition, to forewarning others they will not be hearing back from you anytime soon (friends, family, jobs, landlords, etc), you must also forewarn yourself. No speaking, communicating, Netflix online scrolling, google searching, social media posting, or news reading. It sounds lovely right? But you have to be prepared.
I will be at the Mandali Retreat Center, literally among the clouds, near the Alps. Because this is my fourth time at this retreat center and with teachers I have studied with for years, I can relax. My body knows it will be taken care of. From the beautiful landscape I will be surrounded by, to the vegetarian homemade food I will eat, teas available, or the pool and jacuzzi at my convenience- I know I can relax. My only job for one week is to be present. There are no meetings to be had, emails to respond to, or expectations that can be made of me. As I write this, I am truly grateful, and realize this is pure luxury.
As I sit in the airport, and sip my coffee, there’s even more comfort. Costa Coffee is a British coffee chain. It once was my favorite, when I lived there, and now it’s an infrequent treat that I see on rare occasions. It’s as if I am sipping onto warm memories.
Travelling can be stressful, as there are so many components involved, as one prepares for a trip. All must line up, from transportation, to who will dog sit or house sit, packing, lines to wait in, and everything in between. Being able to have the opportunity to feel relaxed and rested amidst the height of travel offers that gentle but firm support one needs to voyage.
I recalled an old post I did on this very site and wanted to share due to the timeliness of it all . It was my previous trip to Israel and Palestine, a very detailed description of a refugee camp area and being inside the wall. I admit re-reading it was eye-opening. Please read and share. Thank you.
This morning I took the train from Malaga to Madrid. It was a 750 am train with one stop in Cordoba. The twenty-three minute walk to the train station from my home was in complete darkness on this mid-October morning. After getting through a brief security screening and check-in, I finally arrived at my seat on the air conditioned train. I’ve always enjoyed train rides, due to the tranquility and distance one travels without having to be the one to drive. It’s a simple journey, different than the stress one can feel when taking a trip via airports.
As our train left the station, darkness still surrounded us. I took the time to journal and check emails. But as we travelled through the Andalucian landscape, there were glimmers that the sun was slowly waking up. Eventually, I caught a glimpse of it as it peaked out over the countryside, and all of a sudden it burst out. And I couldn’t help but be mesmerized by the beauty of this moment. Sunrises occur daily, but it’s so infrequent that I actually get to see them. I feel appreciative that I was able to witness this. I didn’t have time to properly do a full on meditation this morning, but I realized this served as my meditation.
One doesn’t need to be in a lotus position to seek a higher state. All that is needed is awareness and presence to all of your five senses. The moment was reminding me of the sacredness of life that is available to us all, whenever we are willing to witness it.
Next time you have the opportunity to opt for a train ride, take it. In Europe, train rides are a standard way to travel. But as Americans, we prefer to drive or fly due to comfort and a longing for immediate gratification. Allow yourself the luxury of lingering on a train, without having to worry about being the driver, traffic, being rushed, or anything outside of witnessing what is outside your window.
“If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world.”-Francis Bacon
Sometimes we can find the most comfort in surprising places: strangers. We don’t expect anything from them, because they don’t know us. This fact is when a kind word is said or gracious act done, the appreciation in our hearts can linger. This was evident in several instances the past two weeks.
Two weeks ago, one of my childhood friends was visiting me for her first European trip. Since I have lived here for nine months, I took her to some of my favorite places in Andalucia. This included one of the most beautiful beaches in Nerja, a 45 minute to 75 minute bus ride away (dependent on if it’s direct). The waves were strong that day, and I only had the energy to put my feet in. I had gone one week prior when the water was tranquil, and I didn’t want to navigate the currents. But Lisa was mesmerized by the waves, she entered a trance of it’s blue hue beauty and power. She walked in deeper, and the waves dragged her in for an embrace. I was in the sand at this point and saw her face after she was pulled in and laughed. Her mouth was open and she was surprised. Me and a stranger tried to motion another wave was coming and to prepare for it, she got dragged in again. Lisa prefers to say she was “spanked by the Mediterranean.” Without hesitation, this stranger went towards Lisa to try to offer assistance by pulling her arm up out of the water. I sat in astonishment. I didn’t think she was in danger, but would have easily gotten in a constant battle with the sea. Timing was everything to get out without being pulled back in. Every other person in the sea was also having this experience, but relished in it. Adults transformed to children to surrender their control to these strong waves. Lisa still had her sunglasses on and was not prepared for the intensity. In that moment, I thought how kind it was this stranger offered support while I sat there in pure surprise.
The other day I sat in a local tattoo shop, awaiting my turn for an hour long session. I talked to a young woman who was getting a souvenir tattoo, after a two week trip to Spain from the UK. It was an empowerment trip for her, post break up, and a means to exemplify her strength and symbolism of this trip. As she searched for what to get, she asked me, “are you ready to get a tattoo? Mentally ready? Because you have to be.” I agreed. I motioned to where I was getting the tattoo, and she had gotten a large tattoo in the same area before. Hers took 8 hours, compared to my potential one pending hour. She said, “Oh yes, the ankle is tender. You have to be prepared.” I appeared very non-chalant, as I had been researching the style of tattoo for months. I wasn’t aware that it would take this long. But she was right, I needed to get in the zone. A staff member asked if I wanted a coffee, I didn’t. But this stranger encouraged me to take the coffee, I would need the caffeine to get in the zone. And I was grateful for this short exchange we had with each other, hopefully I offered some support for her in this tiny end to her journey as well. I took the espresso shot and meditated for an hour during the session.
Post the tattoo, as I took my dog Bella out for a walk, we sat at this local playground. Bella likes to sit here in partial sun and shade, and people watch. Several little girls asked to pet Bella, not believing she was 14 years old. One girl lingered. She was Morena like me, appeared to be 7 years old, and had 3 dogs at home. She had a gentle and calming nature about her as she pet Bella, and asked questions in Spanish. I responded in Spanish. It was one of the few people I have spoken to here this long without being self-conscious of my Spanish proficiency. Her tee shirt had the words enchanting and charrming on it, and it suited her perfectly. After five minutes, she said “Voy a poco jugar ahora.” Translated to “I’m going to play a little now.” Bella and I offered a wave and continued on our walk.
All three instances were brief instances of kindness with strangers, different ages and ethnicities. I do not know any of their names, and will probably not see any of them ever again, but for several brief moments comfort was shared in knowing one wasn’t alone during these times.
“It may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does. But believe me, it will all work out.”-Ted Lasso
This past week, one of my childhood friends visited me in Malaga. Although we did many of the touristy things one does in Costa del Sol to include the sea, tapas, shopping, and Tinto de Verano, we also binged on two television shows. Both were products of SNL alumni: Girls 5 Eva by Tina Fey and Ted Lasso with Jason Sudekis. Generally it can take me quite a long time to watch television shows or films, as I want to savor them as I do my lattes. But binging on them gives a different perspective.
One can see the clues writers leave to tease viewers from one show to the other. Foreshadowing of what’s to come. But also writers may trick us to believing we know what is next, only to take us through twists and turns as the story unravels. We can embrace the vicissitudes of the hero’s journey, the human journey, through television. Dramedies like Ted Lasso, pull at my heart as one can laugh and weep at all that is offered to you in short segments, episode to episode.
I couldn’t help but think of this as I watched the season (or even series) finale of Ted Lasso yesterday. It was poignant because it was within one day I finished listening to an audiobook and reading a tangible book. Endings were the theme yesterday in all media I was consuming, and I thought how timely this was because I am in a transitional period in my life right now. An ending from one period of life before embarking on another.
Finales of television shows give us a sense of resolve. We feel a sense of closure as reflections are made of how characters and groups have transformed through this time together. The characters are flawed, like all of us are as humans. People trigger and then push each other to grow. Respect is earned through showing up repeatedly for others, dreams are realized, celebrations are embraced collectively, egos are swallowed as one asks for forgiveness. Love shows up in countless ways, that exist beyond romantic relationships. There is a sense of satisfaction when storylines circle around and are completed, and the crescendo has slowed down to a place where one can simply enjoy the vastness of it all.
Finishing Ted Lasso yesterday reminded me of conversations I had with one particular creative client. She came to view different periods of her life when we worked together through the lens of seasons of a television show. They were not marked by years, but experiences. She labeled each season with a theme, noted the lessons learned, characters involved, growth made, and what point would be the end. There was a small sense of admiration for the evolution that occurred and a tiny bit of sadness, but she was more excited of what would be in store for herself next as the main character, who would be in her life, what would be the style of clothing worn, color scheme used, and what metaphorical journey was she about to undertake next.
With clients who you work with for a limited period of time, this is evident. You get glimpses into the moments of their lives, and they give you the backdrop of what has led them there. But the same is true with others. Recently, as I have conversations with friends I haven’t seen for years or caught up with family members, and noticed the same in their stories. I can see the threads and themes in their lives, and how it’s progressed. I witness how they struggled and triumphed and caught glimpses of where they are headed. But sometimes with ourselves, we are so immersed in our own stories and in the head of the character we are playing (ourselves), that we do not see the larger arc. At times we need to step back and see not this one episode we are having difficulty with, but how each episode has been linked to each other. We need to see our lives as the writers of television shows do, and act from that perspective.
I thought back to that one client I worked with and her way of framing the world, as I pondered on my time here in Malaga, or last year in Paris, or all the years in the UK. I’ve had ten seasons of living overseas, and the show at this time is not up for renewal. It’s a series finale. There is sadness there as I reflect on all the players, storylines, and story arcs. And as I sit in this liminal place, I am curious what the next series is that I will embark on as I return to America. How do I want this next part of my life to be?
Where are you in your series of life? What is the theme of this season? Who are the characters? What type of show is this? Where do you want this season to go?
We are both the actor and the writer of our own stories. How do we want it to go. But it’s important to know, there are co-writers that exist on this television show. Yes it’s the other characters in our lives who co-write with us but also a larger entity, whether you call this writer Universe, Divine Light, God, or Mother Earth. We are in constant collaboration, we have free will, endings can always change. You are not a victim of your story, you are a co-writer. Live up to that credit. Maybe even co-write a life that’s worthy of 20 Emmy nominations each season, just like Ted Lasso. You deserve it.
“Schopenhauer suggests that just as your dreams are composed by an aspect of yourself of which your consciousness is unaware, so, too, your whole life is composed by the will within you. And just as people whom you will have met apparently by mere chance became leading agents in the structuring of your life, so, too, will you have served unknowingly as an agent, giving meaning to the lives of others, The whole thing gears together like one big symphony, with everything unconsciously structuring everything else. And Schopenhauer concludes that it is as though our lives were the features of the one great dream of a single dreamer in which all the dream characters dream, too; so that everything links to everything else, moved by the one will to life which is the universal will in nature.”
The past several months I have debated getting another degree. Although I already received my doctorate nearly 20 years ago in clinical psychology, I have always been engaged in ongoing education in some capacity. I was exploring getting an additional degree in Mythology, and preparing my life to be inclusive of this. This was until I realized the costs of tuition. I had believed the annual cost would be $10,000. This was reasonable and achievable, but I realized I was wrong. That is the cost per quarter, not year. I had wrongfully calculated this, and it would be $34,000 per year for four years. At this juncture in life, I realize that I value my financial freedom more than this program.
I began exploring, what if I could create my own type of mythology program. In this, I would still take classes in the realm of Carl Jung and Depth Psychology, but also begin reading other books that had to do with goddesses, the Dark Sacred Feminine, and world religions. In my journal last night, I brainstormed a list of individuals I would want to learn from, some of whom I had already met int the past. This list is below.
As I began, going to some of their individual websites, I stumbled upon some live events I could attend, or at the bare minimum live webinars. Yet, I came upon googling Sally Kempton, renowned teacher of Hindu philosophy particularly goddesses. I discovered something horrible. She died two months ago! She was 80 years old. And this is a regret I have, I never studied with her when I got the chance. I was lucky to meet and see Louise Hay, Debbie Ford, and Wayne Dyer before they died. But Sally Kempton, I put off, then the pandemic put on hold all live events for an extend period. And it never happened. After I saw that this morning, I am vowing to not let that happen again.
And therefore, I may not be attending graduate school again, but I am vowing to enter the School of Life. I am making a commitment to study and meet experts in the fields that I am fascinated in, before it’s too late. This could be in the realm of psychology, spirituality, anthropology, mythology, goddess philosophy, or anything that I fancy at the moment. I will follow my curiosity and see where it leads me in this school of life. It may not lead to a terminal degree, but it will lead to a fuller life.
It Only Takes A Smile 