Helpers Along the Way

31 May 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

What makes a trip memorable isn’t always the destination one arrives at, but the assistance one receives from strangers along the way.  This was the case for me this past week.  I have been in America for two weeks.  Although I am from America, I haven’t lived here in nearly 10 years.  This trip had many facets to it, and was tightly booked.  I had planned that each component would go according to plan.  Family visits in NYC and Philly, an energy psychology conference in Maryland.  In addition, part of my journey included heading to Arizona to empty out my storage via donations and preparation for shipment to Spain.  Going through one’s belongings of items you have put aside for years is a difficult feat.  It’s physically and psychologically draining.  But I had assistance from some strangers.  

I was lucky enough to have my mom join me for this adventure, and used miles for our flight from Philly to Phoenix.  Because we were using miles, the layover I landed was a 6 hour wait! I reckoned this would be do-able with my annual one day passes to use with United, but when we got to the United Club a sign was posted stating “no one day passes.”  I thought I would risk it, and an exception would be made.  A staff member obliged and offered a simple “why not?”  He let us in.  As we sat in the lounge and grabbed breakfast, I conjured to further chance my luck.  I asked a staff member if we could be bumped to an earlier flight, and she squeezed down our six hour layover to 90 minutes.  She warned us there was a possibility our luggage wouldn’t make it.  But luck continued and our luggage arrived on time.  Travel blessings were abound. With each small level of assistance, I thanked the universe for all the help along the way from these everyday angels.  

After landing in Phoenix, grabbing lunch, we headed straight to work at a storage facility in Tempe.  I had zero plan of where we were going to donate all these belongings and furniture.  Our hybrid rental car was only mid size.  The local Goodwill took all donations, but they did not have the availability pick items up.  I didn’t know how people sold or gave away items anymore.  Craigslist?  Facebook Marketplace?  There wasn’t enough time to list each item and sell it.

But on our first day at the storage facility, a fellow storage neighbor walked by and chatted with us.  My mom offered her a massage chair I was donating.   She responded with a quick and exuberant “yes!”  We informed her, I had numerous other items I would be giving away.  She said she would take all of them, and she did.  Throughout the week, Roberta was there at moments when we needed her.  My mom said in some ways she was like an angel, you asked for her and she was right there in the storage facility ready to pick up an item.  In total we spent 20 hours in three days sorting through this storage, and this would have been even longer if we didn’t have Roberta’s assistance.  

It amazes me how help can be there when you need it, and it comes from the unexpected.  With each person we met and assisted us along the journey, I gave them one of these Gratitude Puzo/Bella Cards.  It’s a small simple way to offer gratitude, but it is tangible and memorable.  I stayed in that positive zone: offering kindness, receiving kindness, offering gratitude.  The cycle continues.  

Life may not always work out as smoothly and seamlessly as this, but sometimes the kindness of strangers may surprise us.  All we have to do is ask, be willing to receive.  And also know that it is our mission as humans to pay that back forward with others, in one way or another. 

Our Beach Personalities

18 Mar 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

“At the beach, life is different. Time doesn’t move hour to hour but mood to moment. We live by the currents, plan by the tides and follow the sun. “ – Sandy Gingras

I am lucky enough to currently live walking distance to the port and beach.  Bella and I go nearly everyday.  And one thing I love to do is watch people as they engage with the sun and beach.  The area I am in is the Costa del Sol, entitled this after an excessive amount of days of sun per year.  Due to the fact that the average is around 325 days of sun, there are many tourists, retirees, and transplants from colder countries during the winter months.  

I witness people first walk onto the port, seeing the Mediterranean and the sun on a winter day. They seem stunned by the beauty.  Selfies are taken.  People sit at the first restaurant at the port to take in the local musicians, and drink a sangria or cana.  Their shoulders relax.  People then continue their stroll down the port, and eventually head to the beach.

It’s here I observe the moment they have been waiting for.  Although the sea is too cold to swim in at the moment, some still do.  It’s normal to see children get excited when arriving at the beach, because this is what children do.  But oftentimes, the adults become childlike as well.  I noticed a woman who seemed so happy being here on a weekday, that she started to slow dance with the ocean.  I saw another woman playing tag with the ocean waves that came to shore, she was in jeans and tried to run away as they came close to her.  Of course the ocean won that round, as they generally win the majority of rounds.  But the other day I saw something that will be etched in my memory.

The weather was warm, it was in the 80s (or 25 plus celsius), therefore more people were in the water.  It was the first weekend, I was in a bikini.  This is how warm it is.   There was a man who looked like a local with his son, he seemed to have just gotten out of the water.  His son laid on a towel in the sand.  This man rolled in the sand like he was a sushi roll being wrapped.  He did it with joy.  With his arms up and showed his child how great he was feeling.  Generally the sand is something everyone I know avoids, but he embraced it.  He left it on for at least ten minutes, maybe it served as an exfoliator as one does in the Dead Sea or in the spas.  Eventually he took another dip in the Mediterranean and appeared refreshed.  This was actually a joy to witness. 

I’m sharing this on the blog because it made me smile.  It served as a reminder that I need to be present to find pleasure and appreciation in another’s joy.  I wouldn’t have witnessed it if I was on my phone, and no I wasn’t quick enough to capture it on camera.  But it’s etched in my mind.  I want to encourage you to be present each time you are outside, not only to be with all of nature, people, and animals that are around you, but to observe the little things in strangers around you.  Happiness is all around.

New Lands, Same Excitement

08 Mar 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday I just booked a flight for this summer to Sofia Bulgaria, which will include a day trip to Northern Macedonia.  I couldn’t be more excited.  These will be my 51st and 52nd countries to visit respectively (depending on what country counter you are using).  Generally these countries are not on people’s to do list, but the more one travels, the further one wants to explore.  And a feeling returned that I hadn’t had in awhile….

Excitement.

Yes, I have travelled post the pandemic, including moving two new countries post Covid: France and Spain.  But I haven’t visited new countries since February 2020.  These were Lithuania and Ukraine (image below).  Both of which I loved, and were timely.  

Although I thought some of my wanderlust was dying down, I was surprised to see it still exists within for unchartered territory.   What makes these travels more delightful is going to places I never dreamed of going to before.  I knew I would always see the top 5 of Europe because this is what is sold to us on American films and media.   But when I go to these new locations that I never dreamed of, it’s a reminder that I am pushing myself beyond the boundaries.  I am expanding the box and surpassing a goal that I never even set. 

There is an online organization called the Travel Century Club, which has a different type of count of territories.  They have over 300 territories.  If you have travelled to at least 100, you can join the club. My new goal is to hit the 100 club by the time I am 50.  And I think this is doable.  At this time, the number I am at is 64 territories.  This is an average of at least 6 more per year to visit.  https://travelerscenturyclub.org/countries-and-territories/alphabetical-list

I was excited about it, I told my mother today.  “I have a new goal.  I want to join the Travel Century Goal.”  After explaining what it was, she said, “oh I thought you had a real goal like of your life purpose, not a travel goal.”  I said “no, right now this is my purpose, at least until I’m 50.”  She laughed it off.  But why can’t it be?  There are certain goals I have that are out of my control, but this goal I can accomplish.  Why can’t a life goal be one’s current purpose? One’s North Star? 

It’s the internal excitement that was the signal to me that my soul again is once stirred.  This is the fuel I have been lacking.  And it is enough.  We are the ones who dictate our purposes, our lives.  Our purpose doesn’t have to be monumental.  It can shift.  It can be what pulls your life force.  And right now for me it’s the Century Club. 

Loneliness is a Normal Emotion

28 Feb 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Often I have friends back home ask me the question, “Do you get lonely?”  They ask this because I have lived overseas for ten years.  Bella and I are currently living in our fourth country.  And the answer is yes, but I think the emotion of loneliness has become so normal that I do not always name it that.

I am not ashamed to say I get lonely.  This does not have to do with the lack of a romantic partner, but the lack of true friends and community.  There’s so many ways we can be lonely, but all has to do with lack of connection. The thing is we can be lonely, even if we are surrounded by others and do not feel understood.  We can even be lonely if we are living in our hometown, but currently not feeling bonded with others.  Loneliness doesn’t always have to do with newness to a city, but oftentimes that can go hand in hand.  Years ago, at a therapy conference I heard author and relationship expert Esther Perel say that the number one problem in America was loneliness.  This fact was verbalized pre-covid.  We know with the pandemic, loneliness increased in societies throughout the world.  We had to learn how to navigate this emotion in this new way of being in the world. 

But this is a blog on happiness? True, but to avoid these difficult emotions is to veer into the world of toxic positivity.  We must embrace the totality of our emotions.  It’s when we know we can feel the lows, that the highs are appreciated at a greater depth.

So what do you do with loneliness?  

Recognize.  Notice what is arising internally, give it a name.  If you could stop a moment, and tune into your body.  Where in your body is this arising?  What is it like? It’s the first step.   

Allow Feelings.  Give yourself permission to feel it.  And what does that look like for you? Tears.  Frustration. Anger.  Let it out.  Give yourself space to feel, and offer the self- compassion to yourself to be vulnerable right now. 

Voice. Voice out your feelings to others.  This could be to a therapist, or via phone calls with friends and family in other parts of the world.  You may express it through journal entries that release the turmoil inside.

Elevate. Now you took the time to notice what’s going on, feel the feels, voice it, and now you can elevate it.  This is transforming the motion.  It’s been said that emotion is energy in motion, and if emotions are truly expressed and felt only last several minutes. So now what? Maybe you want to harness that loneliness and transform it into a creative project. Or it’s a time to reassess your goals.  It can also be a time to now express what in your life you are grateful for.  

Although this process is laid out for loneliness, you can use a variation of this for any difficult emotion.  This is temporary, just like everything else.  Next time you are lonely, turn to this process, and let me know how it works for you.  It will pass and you are okay.

A Modern Pilgrimage

10 Feb 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Currently I am working on another blog www.amodernpilgrimage.com, which focuses on internal, external, and communal pilgrimages we take in today’s world.  In creating content for this blog, and accompanying pinterest and Instagram, I am sorting through old pilgrimages I have taken over the past 10 years. 

            There are so many forms of pilgrimage, not just religious or spiritual.  Pilgrimages can be food pilgrimages, art, nature, literature, internal journeys (such as silent retreats, meditation), or concerts in special locations.  Contemplation can exist in so many forms, and I want to remind people that in today’s world.  The primary essence of it is intention.  Intentional travel. 

            As I create reels from old photos and videos, I recall the moments I have spent over the years in foreign lands or even my homeland.  I am searching to create themes in these little vignettes.  This is a time where we have stopped printing pictures or creating tangible photo albums.  But for many of us these photos and videos exist in our phones.  They are resurrected in some ways with this project.  Some include individuals that are no longer in my life in the same capacity, even my beloved Puzo who died this past summer.  But we were all witnesses to each other’s life and are part of each other’s journey. 

            I recommend this practice for any of you to do.  Bring back those old memories to life.  These images do not have to be digitally dead in your phone, they can live on with a beautiful song to accompany it.  Author Anais Nin once said “We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospection.”  Regardless if you are a writer or not, allow those sweet memories to be tasted twice.  And savor them. 

Kindness as Purpose

05 Nov 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

The past month I have been travelling in America, visiting family members and friends.  But also during the journey I explored New Orleans.  It was the first time me or my mother went to New Orleans, and we wanted to experience Halloween there together.  Viola!  We did. 

It’s definitely a city of contradictions, and I think I will need some time process the experience there.  The resilience, mixed with poverty, history, tragedy, joy, celebration, and traditions.  There’s a lot to unpack in this one city.

But one thing I found fascinating was the kindness I experienced there.  Regardless if the person we were interacting with was a taxi driver, store shop attendant, tour guide, waiter, or an African drum circle drummer- there was pure kindness.  Nobody asked you about your profession.  Some people opened up with ease and told their life stories.  After doing so, they encouraged us to experience the best their city had to offer.  I appreciated that.  I gave out many of these Puzo Bella kindness cards, perhaps you received one (if you are reading this).  I wanted to return any kind of warmth and gratitude back to them. 

  I couldn’t help but wonder, what if our perspective of purpose was all wrong.  What if our purpose here on Earth was to simply be kind to others?  This is all.   It impacts others’ lives, it’s positively contagious, and others’ lives are momentarily lifted.  Life doesn’t have to be so complicated with the questions of “what should I do with my life?” or “how can I leave my mark on the world?”  It could be as simple as how can I express kindness today?  Perhaps that is enough. 

I hope this moment of clarity stays with me in this next phase of life.  As I explore the next phase ahead of me and contemplate on what my purpose is and how it is directed, can I remind myself my purpose today can equate with kindness?  It could be words of encouragement to a friend or family member.  A smile to a stranger.  Or a momentary conversation with an acquaintance, where your entire presence is made available.  Kindness is priceless.  It can be enough.  

“Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” —Mother Teresa.

Softening your Traveler’s Gaze

11 Oct 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

What would happen if instead of viewing what went wrong in our day, we focused on what’s right?  I know many people have a gratitude practice, where you reflect either at the beginning or end of your day about what positive things have occurred.  But can we do this now in real time?  

I am at the airport flying to the states for one month.  Travelling can always bring about stress for people.  Everything has to align up perfectly for you to take your flight.  My friend Isabella arrived yesterday from America to Paris to watch my dog for the next month.  There were many mishaps that could have occurred but all was well for her journey, which in turn impacted my journey.  I pre-booked an Uber for this morning at 5:50 am.  The driver could have cancelled last minute (as has happened before), there could be traffic, or an accident.  But he was on time and friendly.  I was surprised to find a bit of a line at the airport at the check in area, but I chose to listen to a meditation when in line.  I closed my eyes and surrendered, I gently peaked my eyelids open at times to ensure if I needed to waddle several steps forward.  As I met with a staff member to ask questions of why I was in Paris, I was calm and peaceful.  She even inquired of the details of my book.  It was as if the universe was continuing to nudge me to get back to writing.  Another staff member who printed my ticket and complimented the color of my luggage.  Since my flight is nearly full, she offered to check in my carry on for free.  I obliged.  It’s always a pleasant turn of events when things line up.  I couldn’t help but compare it to last week’s flight to Spain, where there were so many missteps.  But we still landed on time. 

When we can focus on what goes right as it is happening, versus taking it for granted, there is beauty in this.  We can enjoy life as it is occurring, not just in retrospect. We can also show appreciation for those we interact with, friends and strangers, in real time.  Look them in the eyes and say thank you.  Giving out these Puzo/Bella gratitude cards (which you may have received once if reading this) helps slow me down during this process and be present with who is in front of me.  It reminds me there is an opportunity to be grateful and personable at any moment.  

The End is Our Beginning

04 Sep 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

            We had arrived in Santiago de Compostella, which is the endpoint for many people who choose to do the pilgrimage of Camino de Santiago.  The film The Way popularized this bucket list journey.  The most traditional path is to take the Camino Frances route, which begins in St-Jean-Pied-de-Port France, and then transitions into Spain through the Pyrenes mountains and traverses for 500 miles.  Generally, one needs to do at least 100 kilometers to receive a certificate of completion.  Regardless of how many miles one walks, generally the destination was our starting point.  

            It was our initial day in Spain, and we were beginning our journey at everyone’s end.  On our first night, we went into the Cathedral, that houses the remains of the apostle St. James.  For hundreds of years people have walked to this location for this specific purpose, to see where St. James lies.  It seemed taboo.  Had we earned the right to visit without yet putting on our walking shoes?  Our walking journey was to begin the next day, but we could take in the evening’s festivities of this celebrated town. 

            I am not new to the Spanish culture.  This was my 21st trip to Spain, and my second time embarking on this pilgrimage in Santiago.  Yet this time our route was to end in Finistere, also known as the end of the world.  It’s been said that this Celtic path predates the Catholic pilgrimage.  We were hopeful the exploration of the city that evening would massage out the kinks that occurred at the airport hours before.  We were lucky it did.  

            After securing a walking stick, a delicious meal of tapas and patatas bravas, a tasty pastry, and rations for the next day’s journey, we strolled the streets to see what the night would reveal.  The tourist shops had now closed, and it was solely bars that were open at this hour.  Then we stumbled onto an archway by the church.  It served more as a portal.  Generally during the day, a musician plays his bagpipe, demonstrating the Celtic traditions that still exude in this land of Galicia.  But at this hour, the bagpipes were packed away, and were replaced with an opera singer.  

I love most street performers.  They move an audience to stop the busy-ness of their lives and slow down, and simply take in the gift of music they are sharing.  The opera singer sang several popular opera songs, the crowd slowly started to build.  Then the tunes changed, and he began singing “My Way,” which generally isn’t my favorite song, as it reminds me of an American middle aged drunk man’s go to karaoke song, as a bar closes.  But there were other people in the audience that seemed to enjoy it.  A tiny group of three older people who looked as if they were tourists and friends had their arms around each other.  They swayed and sang.   The opera singer appreciated their immersive experience.  When it was time for the chorus, the opera singer pointed to the trio and allowed them to take the stage.  “I did it my way.”  People had stopped to sit on the steps, and observe this magical moment.  For a brief passing period of time, we were all connected.  I couldn’t help but cry witnessing this beautiful example of collective gratitude and mindfulness.  These were not tears of sadness or worry for my future.  These were tears of joy I was able to experience this moment of collective bliss.  

            Perhaps starting at the end wasn’t a bad decision.  It was how this journey was to begin.  We could harvest the beauty and love shared from the evening onto the next day’s 23 kilometer trek.  I couldn’t wait to see what was next in store. 

Awaiting the Camino

01 Sep 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , 

 
The journey for a pilgrimage begins as you prep to go to the airport.  Regardless of your method of accessing the airport: walking, metro, bus (we took all three), it’s all part of the Camino.  It’s interesting how your zen center can be tipped off balance easily, with pushy fellow passengers, a lack of air conditioning, overcrowding, people coughing behind you without masks, or the joys of going through security check and dropping your laptop.  All happened, and therefore I wanted to relax and have a cappaccino and asked the barista if there were espresso shots in the cappacinos.  He said yes, but I did not see him or anyone prepare them.  They were premade espresso shots.  I asked for espresso, and therefore he made a separate shot, he double charged me.  A small cappaccino somehow equated to 6.70 euros.  Lost in translation, he complained to his coworkers about me, and I internally repeated the conversation complaining to myself.  This is all part of the journey, and I am writing this now to decompress and realign myself with my chilled nature.  

               My friend and I are flying from Paris to Santiago de Compostella to embark in part of the Camino.  Yet this part of the voyage is a walking pilgrimage from Santiago to Finisterre, also known as the end of the earth.  Pilgrims have taken this voyage for hundreds of years. 


               You don’t want the beginning of a spiritual pilgrimage to be tainted with tiny aggravating occurrences.  But one cannot be blissed out for an entire trip.  We are human who deal with other irritating humans.  The goal is to not avoid all stressful situations, but  how to bounce back, find your center so it doesn’t ruin an entire trip. 

               Perhaps for you it’s taking several deep breaths, or listening to music to drown out the world, writing, or walking to a secluded area of the airport.  Do what you need to decrease that sympathetic nervous system and align with the chilled you.

Adjustments to Meditation

03 Jul 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , 

        My mother is visiting for 10 days, which is lovely.  BUT whenever I have a visitor, or whenever I travel, my morning spiritual routine must shift.  I have grown accustomed to living alone and making my morning sacred :  journaling (morning pages), gratitude, breathwork, meditation, yoga, spiritual texts.  But now it has to shift, my mom even said this morning « no time for yoga when I’m here. »  and so I must improvise.  My meditation shifts to the evening, or I am reminded that walking my dogs is a walking moving meditation.  This is what it must be.  The trip is time limited, and just because for several days it has to be altered, it doesn’t mean I must lose the essence of the practice .  


      Years ago, this was the problem with my meditation practice.  I became attached to what it had to look like.  I only meditated using one particular method, and if it did not fit that mold, then I viewed it as if I had  failed at meditation for the day.  But over the years, I’ve learned to have more self compassion for myself.  I’ve learned to be flexible, and to include other aspects of life into my meditation.
       It’s easy in some ways to live a spiritual life on your own, or while you are on a meditation retreat.  But what about when you get thrown into the everyday world ?  Things must shift, and so it has.  And this is okay.
       We can still live with intention, even if our days are jolted a bit.   We can appreciate it for what it is versus being irritated it does not look a particular way.  We can turn towards the beings that are in our atmosphere and learn to mold our spiritual life to wave like strands of long grass in the wind.  Flexibility is key to our daily lives, even with our morning discipline.

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