It Only Takes A Smile

After years of admiring from afar, I have chosen to recently take up flamenco. I await tonight for my third flamenco class. There is still so much to learn, but I am fascinated with this dance. It happens to originate from the Andalucia region in Spain (which is my favourite region in my favourite country). There is complexity in this dance, which seems to combine the outward components of tap dance, with sways of bellydance, and the attitude of a hip hop diva. Perhaps I am drawn to this dance due to deep genealogical roots, of family originating from Spain. Flamenco seems to call out to me. Whose heart doesn’t it call out to?

When the music that accompanies the dance is live, excitement heightens. The singers, guitarists, and percussionists join forces enticing the dancers to express themselves.

Generally the background beats are fast paced. But the music has a extreme sadness to it, a calling out for us to harness our pain. The guitar and melodic voices act as a trigger for us to recall our love stories that don’t have a happy ending. It’s as if the singer is a snake charmer luring the dancer to come out and enchant us with their movements.

Passionate melancholy prevails.

The flamenco dancer expresses his or her fury to their romantic mishap. The memory is alive and it’s pulling at their hearts, but these Spanish dancers don’t wallow into a fetal position. Their bodies expand with confidence. They demand our attention. How beautiful it is to witness beings that embrace the wonder and pain love wholeheartedly offers us.

For a moment it is as if the Hindu god Shiva Nataraja has taken human form.

It is said that although Shiva is among fire and chaos, he finds bliss. He is king of the dance . You can be centered and joyful within change and perceived pain.

Flamenco serves as a celebration of life. Dancers embrace their sadness , love that has gone wrong or is unrequited . Not only did they survive this, but they prevail stronger, with more confidence than before. It’s as if each heartache brings more stories to dance to, more strength , and somehow more passion and love.

Olé

The Boxing Day sales have been on.  It’s so easy to want to sweep in and exchange gifts or buy an excess of clothing with the exorbitant discounts.  But before you drop your paycheck at the stores, did you really feel gratitude for what you already have?

I admit I am guilty of this.  Generally when I receive gifts I have been so mentally busy, that although I verbalize appreciation, I do not even get to utilize the gifts that are given to me.  And then without remembering, I buy more stuff.  This is not only the case with what other people buy me but with what I have bought myself.  I am not present to appreciate the presents.

These past several months, I’ve been traveling to numerous countries, while maintaining a full time job.  Each time I return home from a brief trip, I throw my luggage to the side, keeping souvenirs in them, along with gifts I receive, or mail I need to go through. My things simply seem to accumulate, and they are “things” because I cannot totally recall what is in there.

Years ago I read Maria Kondo’s The Life Changing Magic of Cleaning Up, and although I tried to implement her method of organization, it did not stick.  The main principle in the book is that our home should be filled with items that only spark joy, if it doesn’t get rid of it.  We must feel each item in our hand, notice if it brings this feeling, and if not thank the item aloud, and discard of it.  It served it’s purpose, even if it was never used, it reminded you of what you do like.

Now with some holiday time off, I am starting to sift through what I do have, and seeing what sparks joy.  Instead of re-gifting a present that doesn’t suit me, exchanging it, or waiting for the right moment to use it, I am going to embrace it now. It’s endless the amount of things we have excess of that we may not use or appreciate to the extent that is possible : food, jewelry, clothing, books, music, podcasts, or social media sites.

One example I noticed yesterday is when sifting through Facebook, I found a humorous pet video enduring and want to share this with my husband.  In the meantime, I was  ignoring the pawing of my dog who was longing for attention.  She simply wants my presence, and I wasn’t available to give it to her.

As I create new goals for 2018, I know one of them will be Be Grateful for What I Have and Utilize It.  But this is hard to quantify.  Goals should be specific and measurable.  Therefore, what I am going to do is commit to writing one Thank You card per month.  These will not be combined with birthday wishes or holiday greetings.  They will be separate thank you’s to 12 different people that have assisted me in some way.

Do you live in excess? Do all of your belongings spark joy? How do you express sincere gratitude for those who have helped you in some capacity?  I hope this holiday season brings you reflection in how you want to live your life next year.

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.-Plato

Holidays can be depressing. It brings up memories of those we have lost, reflections of where we want to be, and discomfort if you are spending it alone.

There are advent calendars to countdown to this day, and which could be the pinnacle of misery. Or perhaps not.

My husband is working 100 hours during this holiday week and therefore I am alone. But yesterday I wasn’t.

On Xmas Eve, I spent several hours carrying around goodies to give the homeless in London. My brother John Paul, who lives in Los Angeles, came up with the idea. We are both alone this December 25th on opposite sides of the world. , and instead of wallowing we will serve others.

When he told me of this idea, I agreed how great it was and asked what we should call it. “Christmas Socks.” Pun intended.

Although I have lived in England for several years, I admit I didn’t know where to find loads of homeless people. My brother offered to find a shelter, “it won’t be listed on tripsdvisor.”

And so I purchased 50 Socks , placed a granola bar in each of them , and a Hafiz quote that says “I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being .”

My journey began, taking the hour long tube ride to Shoreditch.

Within several minutes, I delivered my first pair, and then another. I had no direct path to follow. I was simply searching for the homeless on the street. I realised what an active process it was seeking out people I usually tried to hide my eyes from. It saddened me as I did this, sometimes from far away I couldn’t distinguish if I was seeing trash or a person. How awful so many of us choose to turn away versus turn towards. I know I am generally guilty of this.

Sometimes when I offered Socks they were alert and could say thank you , other times they were asleep trying to stay warm under layers of shirts and blankets.

After delivering 10 Socks, I realised how exhausting it was to search and scan for people who are trying to not be seen. I stopped in Spitafields Market, where I knew volunteers would be who sold calendars to support the homeless. All photographers featured in the calendar were local homeless people.

I informed them of my activity for the day and asked where the homeless lived. They said, “let’s ask Richard, he’s homeless.” Richard was excited of the idea I had and offered additional places I could go. His face lit up when I informed him that my brother out in California was doing this too and spoke of his time he lived in the West Coast. The volunteers even offered me a gift of a calendar as a thank you for the work I was doing. Richard was excited that I could send this to my brother and autographed the calendar. I wasn’t expecting anything from anyone, and was so grateful for this kind gesture. I was trying to give, and didn’t expect to receive.

My journey continued, as I delivered a total of 29 pairs of socks. I wish I could have delivered all 50. I felt this was not enough , as I know there is more I could do to serve others. With the remaining 21 pairs, I may continue this offering into the new year.

But what this small act of kindness did, was it eliminated the loneliness and self pity I had for being alone. It reminded of the larger global and local problems that are in our atmosphere. It’s true that when we are feeling depressed and want delve on a downward spiral, all we need to do is reach out to help others. This act can assist in lifting us up.

Throughout the day, I witnessed suffering, gratitude, and surprisingly more kindness. I observed a Londoner buying a meal for someone I had just delivered Socks to. He stayed and spoke with this man for an extended amount of time. If I wasn’t searching for the homeless I wouldn’t have seen it. I would have turned away, like so many do.

Can we keep our eyes open to be present for the beauty around us?

Can we turn towards this holiday season? Not just for our family and friends, but for those that are truly suffering ?

As I was transferring at the tube station, I caught one of my favourite Christmas songs and wanted to share it…

I hope this holiday season is filled with gratitude and love for you. And if possible please share some warmth to those that need it…

We must learn to regard people less in the light of what they do or omit to do, and more in the light of what they suffer.-Dietrich Bonhoeffer,

For more information on purchasing a calendar please check out the website below:

http://cafeart.org.uk

It’s Christmas Eve Eve , and I want to be in the holiday spirit. But I am not there yet.

I have been wearing holiday jumpers, sending out holiday cards, and listening to incessant Christmas music . Despite all this, something is missing.

I am going to be alone over Xmas . I am an expat , my friends and family live overseas. My husband is working over the holidays and part of me wants to exude sadness. Who likes to be alone on Xmas ? It’s depressing, I have not been looking forward to this at all.

But I will not let this factor of being alone shadow my world. I’ve been reflecting one way to counter this…volunteer for those less fortunate. Now the question is where .

I have been researching for weeks, and have not found the right fit to be on Xmas eve or day. I told this to my brother , who lives in Los Angeles. Oddly he said he will be alone too. Upon further reflection and inspired by this idea of serving others, he has decided to give socks to the homeless.

This inspired me, why must I search an organisation to serve? We can give to anyone in need. Therefore let’s see what arises for me tomorrow.

How are you spending the holidays ? If you are alone and depressed , who can you reach out to?

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”

–Barack Obama

Countdown: 2 more months till Hamilton

I landed two tickets to the traveling production of Hamilton, which ironically I will see in the United Kingdom.  I know I am one of the last Americans to get on the Hamilton train, but I believe I am excused because I live overseas.  My cousin had been singing the praises of Hamilton when I visited him a year ago in New Jersey.  He enters the daily lottery to win tickets for the show, and after exerted effort he finally won tickets.  I don’t know what took me so long to listen to the soundtrack, but once I did I was hooked.  The intensity and passion as hip hop, history, and broadway intertwine.

I always used to wish that life were musicals.  If only we could sing our pain and joys in a melodic fashion.  There’s a healing nature to it.  But since we can’t, I stumbled across this broadway carpool karaoke.  It will bring a smile and massage to your heart.

 

Below is an email I wrote to the infamous Paulo Coelho  after finishing his book The Spy.

Dear Paulo 
There’s this eeriness to the fact I finished your book The Spy 100 years to the day of when Mata Hari was executed. Thank you for sharing her story.
I have purchased your book several months ago but waited for the right time to read it, when my brain and schedule could fully inhale it. Oddly I was flying to Malaga (where Picasso wanted to whisk away Mata Hari), when I began reading it. The thing with your books is I immerse myself in them completely and will finish them in a weekend. I want to linger in them and savor each word , but they are so inviting . I can’t help but be pulled in.
As soon as I began reading the book , Mata Hari intrigued me. I heard the name but thought by the sound of it she was some yogi who was known for singing bhajans. The story you told of her keeps her spirit alive. There’s this allure and passion for wanting to be the world’s muse, but she struggled for never allowing herself to be vulnerable enough to have her own muse. She danced to escape the horrors of her world and be lifted to the gods, and perhaps briefly was a goddess. But mortals can never be godly for long. Her execution, 100 years ago today, served as a warning to the people of that time that we cannot escape death. Jealousy, war, retribution, distraction, disempowerment, and judgement were all reasons for her execution . In today’s world, people sadly still die for these reasons and more.
As a psychologist , I appreciate how you explored how trauma can taint and shift the direction of our lives. She found strength and salvation through dance. Mata Hari recreated the life she wanted through the process of renaming herself and creating her own storyline. The fabrications and erotic dance both eventually served as her downfall, but simultaneously kept her alive during her most darkest times. We have the power to recreate our own lives on this limited time we have here on earth.
Your novel keeps Mata Hari’s spirit awakened. I want to reconnect with belly dancing and the goddess within me. I know there is a goddess that lives within us all. Maybe today I will let her dance.
Thank you again for sharing your research and creativity by bringing her story to today’s consciousness. I rarely reach out to authors who impact me, but the more I live each day with gratitude I find it necessary to share the impact others have on our lives. The definition of inspiration is to breathe in God. Beauty awakens within and stirs in us a calling of wanting to be more and serve others.
“Beauty does not linger; it only visits. Yet beauty’s visitation affects us and invites us into its rhythm; it calls us to feel, think, and act beautifully in the world: to create and live a life that awakens the Beautiful. A life without delight is only half a life.”- John O’Donahue

Last week I had the privilege to see Ryan Adams perform for the second time. The first was several years ago in Miami . The audience was lukewarm and slightly disrespectful to Ryan the headliner. He chose to not do an encore and have a short performance , clocking in at about 45 minutes. But last week was different , he must have been feeling the British love . The performance was two hours long!

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Ryan Adams is probably the most temperamental performer I have ever seen. His mood could stop a show, or make it blossom to extreme heights. It was mentioned at the beginning of the show he had a medical condition where if lights are flashing , he may go into a seizure. Early on the show did temporarily pause, because someone was utilising flash. Ryan cursed but did not blame the audience member , he blamed his genetics . It didn’t happen again, and Ryan carried on.

My husband loves him and said Ryan is a true artist , a perfectionist. “If he was a chef, he would be Michelin starred.” My husband noted the respect and awe all other musicians offered Ryan on stage. It was like watching a genius at work. We scored front row standing spots, and he was in heaven.

We left as the last song was being played, and serendipitously we found ourselves by the stage door. A getaway car was awaiting, along with security. We called out to Ryan accolades of a great show. Somehow I even thought of offering him a gratitude card with a positive quote. He graciously accepted. 

When I told my brother about this, he couldn’t help but laugh. Ryan Adams is known as this amazing musician who is stereotypically an emotive artist. His work excels when there is strife and difficulties in his world, and I was offering a positive quote. 

We all need positive vibes and offerings of gratitude. Thanks Ryan for the work you have offered the world. It’s appreciated and endeared.

I think back to the random encounters I have had and what celebrities and influencers  I have offered this card to: Ryan Adams, Ethan Hawke, David Sedaris, Rachael Yamagata, Amma, Wild Beasts, Michael C Hall. Who knows if any have read this blog, but I can’t help but want to share gratitude for the work they have done and the impact they make on others. The gratitude is sincere…mahalo;)

The weather shifts for several days. The rain and clouds drift in, the temperature decreases, and I start to put away the summer clothes. But today the sun returns, it makes the day a whole lot sweeter. I try to immerse myself (and my dogs) in the sun. The breeze touches our skin and faces, but so does the sun. I know here in England, the days of sunshine have an expiry date. Each boost of Vitamin D is limited and therefore greatly appreciated.

My days of living in Hawaii and California are long ago. Even though I wasn’t a local (having been born in Ohio), the sun became an industry standard for my life. Gratitude for the sun wasn’t in my daily thoughts, it was just taken for granted. 

As with love, we may only appreciate things more when they are gone…that goes for summer and sunshine.

 

After being drenched from yesterday’s storm and walking for 90 minutes in the rain, I embrace in the day. If I could hug the sun, I would. Thank you sun for each moment of bliss. I will miss you, till we meet again (as I upload this the hail begins).

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The busy nature of a city such as London can be draining, as well as invigorating. Strangers briskly walk by , all in a rush for some reason on a Saturday . It can feel isolating if you are alone and surrounded by people enjoying life with partners , family , and friends. 

This was the case today for me.  I explored the city solo, which I generally don’t mind. I brought  take away Vietnamese at Granary Park, and found I was one of the few people taking in the sun alone. As I ate, I listened to people’s conversations , and stared at boats passing on the canal. I debated how long to sit there alone, But then there was action. 

A 30 something man teased the crowd on this September afternoon by taking off his shirt and pretending to jump into the canal. When he didn’t leap, the crowd booed. Peer pressure worked and he began to take off one piece of clothing at a time.  Shortly after he jumped in. The crowd roared, and a woman actually offered him a hug. I was no longer alone eating dinner at this instance , I somehow was transported to a community experience. 

 Later in the evening , I went to hear a reading from one of my favourite authors : David Sedaris. His observations of the mundane occurrences in life are hilarious .  I often wonder what the world would be like if we transformed daily life into Sedaris wit .  We listened to David’s  excerpts from his diaries. Listening to ones private thoughts brought intimacy to a London crowd. 

Surprisingly afterwards , there was a book signing . A staff member informed me he was there prior to the talk and additionally would be there for three hours post talk to ensure all could get there books signed.  David spent time talking to each fan , personalising every autograph. The woman in front of me received a drawing of a plane , my autograph was below:

Although David doesn’t know me, I truly appreciate him taking the time to make each fan special.  

Bringing smiles to strangers doesn’t take much 😀

Yesterday my commute home was nearly four hours.  I left work early to begin my long weekend.  The sun was shining, it was only 3:00pm, and I was excited to relax after working 10 days in a row. My one hour commute quadrupled.

Instead of getting upset, as it would have been easy to flip the switch. I reframed… this is an opportunity . Now I was blessed with the time to call my family, listen to podcasts, I even wrote in my journal (as for some time we were completely stopped)! 

I watched as other drivers tried to escape through the emergency lane, yet there was a truck driver who acted as the police. He stopped their paths. We were all in this together , there were no shortcuts. This was humorous to me. I watched people getting upset, and switching lanes. These several hours were totally out of our control.  But I knew to simply accept this.

I am trying to remind myself of this serenity mindset I was in yesterday . The central line on the London Underground (by where I live), is completely getting service done this weekend. 

I instantly curse myself for having bought tickets to a show this evening.  It would be so much easier just to stay home, and do nothing!

My journey into London , which would have simply been 1-2 trains, now involves 2-3 trains and a bus ride.  But it’s all out of my control.

Time to reframe, how can I use this extra time to serve me versus get overwhelmed by it? Calmness exists within me, and I can access it two days in a row.

When you find yourselves in these situations, what do you do?