Retreats

03 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Somehow I have learned to feel at home on a retreat, regardless of the location. I know how it works.  There is a sense of familiarity in that you are going to be asked to connect with the collective present, with oneself, and hopefully nature.  Space will be available for silence and processing, after being pushed out of your comfort box.  Opportunities for reflection walks and moments alone journaling are abundant.

Limited time is given to post on social media or check your emails. Your daily busy routines are interrupted by a long pause.  One slows down and cannot escape oneself, and all the moments for awe and wonder arise.  It doesn’t matter where the retreat setting is:    on a mountain top in the chill rich autumn months, on the beach on a hot summer day, next to the ocean in a natural spring bath during the fluctuating weather of spring.  If you listen, sacredness is present.

But even though I know the structure of what may arise at a retreat, there’s always some element of surprise. There is a new piece of information I hear that I cannot wait to share with a loved one, or something that is unravelled that you discover about yourself. Or the essence of the land becomes embedded in your bones, and there is a vow to return to this exact healing place again.

Retreats nourish our bodies, souls, and minds. They cradle our overworked bodies, while providing a nook to sleep in, and satiate your belly with delicious healthy cuisine.  And somehow for a moment, we feel satisfied with what is in the human experience.  The joys we celebrate, sorrows we grieve, mysteries that unfold, and the sublime feeling that lingers.

Like the ocean waves that hit the rocks and sway back to source, there is a natural rhythm present, a push and pull that’s gravitational.  Nothing shall be feared if one surrenders to the creative process that one is immersed in.  Retreats call us back to ourselves.  That inner self that is unique and yet the same as everyone else.  Perhaps this is what Jospeh Campbell meant when he said “Follow Your Bliss,” as he returned to the Esalen retreat center annually for his birthday.  Someone who studied mythology and cultures from around the world when travel was limited and met with some of the greatest minds and artists of his time, chose to return to a retreat center in Big Sur California each year to honor his birth.

Magic happens at retreat centers that is ineffable, and it is my hope you grant yourself this gift. Perhaps it will be once, but I have a feeling if you are moved as much as Joseph Campbell and I, you will be called to return annually to come home to yourself.

Loneliness is a Normal Emotion

28 Feb 2023 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Often I have friends back home ask me the question, “Do you get lonely?”  They ask this because I have lived overseas for ten years.  Bella and I are currently living in our fourth country.  And the answer is yes, but I think the emotion of loneliness has become so normal that I do not always name it that.

I am not ashamed to say I get lonely.  This does not have to do with the lack of a romantic partner, but the lack of true friends and community.  There’s so many ways we can be lonely, but all has to do with lack of connection. The thing is we can be lonely, even if we are surrounded by others and do not feel understood.  We can even be lonely if we are living in our hometown, but currently not feeling bonded with others.  Loneliness doesn’t always have to do with newness to a city, but oftentimes that can go hand in hand.  Years ago, at a therapy conference I heard author and relationship expert Esther Perel say that the number one problem in America was loneliness.  This fact was verbalized pre-covid.  We know with the pandemic, loneliness increased in societies throughout the world.  We had to learn how to navigate this emotion in this new way of being in the world. 

But this is a blog on happiness? True, but to avoid these difficult emotions is to veer into the world of toxic positivity.  We must embrace the totality of our emotions.  It’s when we know we can feel the lows, that the highs are appreciated at a greater depth.

So what do you do with loneliness?  

Recognize.  Notice what is arising internally, give it a name.  If you could stop a moment, and tune into your body.  Where in your body is this arising?  What is it like? It’s the first step.   

Allow Feelings.  Give yourself permission to feel it.  And what does that look like for you? Tears.  Frustration. Anger.  Let it out.  Give yourself space to feel, and offer the self- compassion to yourself to be vulnerable right now. 

Voice. Voice out your feelings to others.  This could be to a therapist, or via phone calls with friends and family in other parts of the world.  You may express it through journal entries that release the turmoil inside.

Elevate. Now you took the time to notice what’s going on, feel the feels, voice it, and now you can elevate it.  This is transforming the motion.  It’s been said that emotion is energy in motion, and if emotions are truly expressed and felt only last several minutes. So now what? Maybe you want to harness that loneliness and transform it into a creative project. Or it’s a time to reassess your goals.  It can also be a time to now express what in your life you are grateful for.  

Although this process is laid out for loneliness, you can use a variation of this for any difficult emotion.  This is temporary, just like everything else.  Next time you are lonely, turn to this process, and let me know how it works for you.  It will pass and you are okay.