It Only Takes A Smile

“Do whatever brings you to life, then. Follow your own fascinations, obsessions, and compulsions. Trust them. Create whatever causes a revolution in your heart.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

Yesterday I had the honor of attending a workshop conducted by Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, Big Magic, and various other books.  Her workshop focused on reconnecting with your creativity, authentic nature, and allowing oneself to permission to live the life you want. The workshop was amazing, including loads of reflective exercises, sharing, and laughter.  One point that was definitely highlighted though is to listen to one’s own curious heart.

Think about what attracts you and what repels you.  When we were young, this seemed to be instinctual.  Over the years, we lose touch with this gut instinct.  Elizabeth Gilbert discussed how her French bulldog Chewy automatically knows what dogs he likes and will express his interest with a wagging tail and playful behavior.  Chewy also knows from two blocks away who he despises.  She discussed looking at her dog with wonder, “How do you know you don’t like that Dalmatian you never met?”  He just does.  She encouraged us to start to retrain this muscle within ourselves.  Listen to what attracts us and what pushes us away.  Both pieces of information are vital clues of leading us to our authentic selves.

When we follow our intuitive scent it not only leads us to what we are passionate about, but also helps extract the unnecessary components from our lives.  A recent incident of when I took Barre Teacher Training arose in my mind.  I had such a strong negative reaction to the training. It wasn’t because it was a poorly designed, had rude people, or was a far distance away.  It was because it wasn’t me.  It didn’t fit who I am today, despite the expectations I had set in my head.  Spending my time and money, and being told I had to take a videotaped exam to get a certificate for the course caused more stress than necessary.  I let that go.

I am doing this with people now as well.

The older I get the more this becomes apparent when I interact with previous friends from ancient parts of my life.  I saw an old friend recently, who introduced me to her mate with an embarrassing story of mine and how she became the “hero” to this story.  Her introduction of me to others, starts with putting me down.  Her life fifteen years after our friendship began is still filled with chaos, dissatisfaction, and drugs. Although in some ways she is like family in that I don’t totally want to cut her out, being with her for one evening was plentiful.  I set an expiration date of hour time together in my head of three hours max.  I couldn’t handle anymore, and the reason it upset me was she is not aligned with who I am.  I don’t know if she ever really was.  Our friendship had fun and celebratory moments in the past, but if we met today, I’m not sure there would be any connection.

Also, I have a new-ish friend who I realize is only interested in me when my life is full of drama.  She oddly is not there for me when I am well, centered, and excited about life.  I shared with her my recent pleasant experiences, she glossed over this topic.  In the same conversation, she chose to gossip with wide eyes about her friend’s pending divorce from an abusive husband.   When our conversation drifted to include chatter of past traumatic boyfriend experiences, her interest was heightened.  Mine, on the other hand diminished. I am past that part of my life, I don’t want to live in that.  I want to live in the now.

With both of these friendship experiences, I realize they currently repel me.  Being around them creates this uncomfortable internal itch that I want to relieve.  It’s a strong immediate visceral reaction for not choosing to act in ways that are caring towards this authentic self.  As EIizabeth would say if I stayed friends with them I would not be “trustworthy when it comes to stewardship of my own life.”  I want to extract these women from my life, as they are not representative with who I am. I want to be true to myself.   Comparatively, it further exacerbates the desire for me to be with my closest friends who I rarely get to see anymore.  I am vowing they will be more present in my life.

As we were engaging in a writing exercise yesterday, Elizabeth said to the audience of 1,000 “I’m more interested in who you are becoming, than what was done to you.” This is who I want to surround my life around.  People who are caring for this current part of their lives, who we are creating and becoming versus the struggles that led us here.

I notice that friends and people may have been attracted to me because I am a psychololgist.  They want to share their pain, sorrows, drama, and trauma.  But I am more interested in who they are creating now versus their path of woes.

Like Elizabeth’s dog, can I know my gut instinct with who and what I like and who I despise?  Can I take action and follow this scent? Extract the extraneous variables, leaving only what brings joy to my life.

This lesson continues to arise in a variety of ways in my life lately.  Marie Kondo in the book The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up encourages us to only keep items in our closet that bring us current joy.  She touches each piece of clothing or tangible thing, and if it doesn’t spark joy, she says “thank you” for how it served her and puts it to the side to be disposed of.

Similarly, Derek Sivers has a philosophy of “Heck yes, or no!” when considering what activities he wants to be part of his life. If he is not 100% excited about something, he will negate the invitation.  He noticed so much of his life was filled with “meh” decisions, that when an amazing opportunity arose, there was no space.

And now Elizabeth Gilbert’s dog philosophy of following one’s instinctual scent is taking precedent.  There is a lesson the universe is encouraging me to learn.

We’ve added all this crap into our lives, and the older we get, it’s time to extract, extract, extract.  Leave only the components that bring you joy.  If you don’t know what this is, perhaps try to remember what brought joy in your youth or last week.  Much of the time, it’s the most simplistic activities…listening to music, dancing, nature, loved ones, and creating.

Maybe it’s time for all of us to engage in a spring cleaning.  Take stock in our lives of who and what is in them, and are they representative of our authentic nature?  If not, purge! Leave the empty space for what brings you joy.  Dance and celebrate in this.  You are uncovering the real you!  Let your authentic self be revealed.

“The universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them.”
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear

As graduation season nears, I can’t help but think of advice I would offer to a younger version of me.  This letter below is specified to the 25-year-old me who attained her doctorate, fourteen years ago.

Dear Tricia,

Today marks the pinnacle of your formal educational journey, but know that there will be many tomorrows where awakening will continue to be unveiled.  I wished someone would have offered me these words of advice then.  Here’s is what I know now.

Lesson 1: You will discover that your real education begins after graduation.  Wisdom involves unlearning and questioning all that you came to know from your family, school, and society.  Understand it’s okay to not know, as the poet Rilke encourages us to “live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Lesson 2: Sometimes doing nothing is more productive than all the to dos on your list.  As an overachiever, you have filled your life with degrees.  After this degree know you will, attain more certificates, continuing education credits, and ongoing workshops.  But there is beauty in slowing down and simply feeling the sun on your skin.  Cherish the days that are unplanned and filled with the beauty of nature.  They will restore you for the rest of your weeks.

Lesson 3:  When you attain everything you thought you wanted, you begin to realize what is really lacking in your life.  With hard work, the American dream is within your reach.  This includes your degree you receive today, the three car garage house, a six figure income, a steady relationship, car, world trips, and all the stuff you have filled your house with.  One thing you realize your life is missing is having a spiritual practice.  It is through feeling this emptiness, that your search for spiritual practice begins.

Lesson 4: Nothing lasts, learn to not get attached.  Relationships end, family members die, jobs disappear, the cities you will live in shift, your dreams change.  As the adage states, “change is the only constant.”  I know you are sentimental.  Practice the art of loosening your grip on others, while simultaneously holding the moment with awe and appreciation.

Lesson 5: Endings are not finalities, but simply mark the periods of time when your perspectives begin to shift.  With days like today, the attainment of your highest educational degree, you may feel this is the end of your path to becoming a psychologist. It simply is the end of this formal education time period.  You should not stop growing, and view endings as an abrupt period at the end of a sentence.  More will be revealed, if you glance to see what lies just beyond this sentence.

Lesson 6: Remain curious and interested with your life.  This could be with the simplest moments of your day, such as drinking a morning latte or the bigger questions you are reflecting on.  Be an active participant versus a passive bystander in your own life.

Lesson 7: Spend your money on experiences versus things.  Travel will fuel and facilitate growth to an exponential degree.   Take chances to see the world.  A friend once offered these words of advice.  There are three things you need to travel: money, time, and health.  You will never have all three, so when there are two available. Take advantage of this throughout your life.

Lesson 8: Begin each day with gratitude, intention, and serving others.  You are the writer of your own story, and you have the capacity each morning to choose how you want it to go.  There is power in this.  Learn to bring in what you want in your life, through appreciating the gifts you already have.  Focus on how you can be present with others.   This itself is a present for both of you.  Be intentional at the start of the day.  Louise Hay states, “How you start your day is how you live your day, how you live your day is how you live your life.”

Lesson 9: It’s not the big moments that create your life, but the daily acts of discipline.  This particular moment in your life does not define you, it’s the ongoing practice of how you choose to live your life.  The small steps you take each day build your character.  It may take time to figure out what methods suit you.   Allow the trials and errors to occur.  Although these acts will be part of your discipline, give them space to become fluid.  They will grow and morph as you do.

Lesson 10:  Honor and respect the creativity that resides in you.  Although it seems that society and your family regard your degree your attaining today as one of the highest accomplishments (and it is), know that there are so many other aspects that are necessary for your vitality and flourishment.  Keep creativity in your life.  Do not lose sight of this.  Don’t give up the dance classes, collages, journaling, concert attendances, cultivating music mix-tapes/playlists and wearing of quirky clothes. When these components are absent in your life, you become robotic.  For you to thrive, you must remain creative.  If it doesn’t exist in your work life, seek it out through other means. Perhaps at a later time, it may become more fundamental to your career than this doctorate.

“Art enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time.”-Thomas Merton

Last week, I participated in Julia Cameron’s Artist Way Workshop. The book and workshop focuses on reconnecting you with the creative part of you within. Art isn’t reserved only for the Picasso’s, Michaelangelos, Banksys, and Beyonces. We are all artists. The fuel behind this is allowing space for the divine (higher power, universal energy, God, or whatever suits you ) to work through you. As the saying goes “Let go and Let God.”

As I had mentioned in a previous blog post, I began this journey with 10 years ago but never finished the 12 week program at home. I vow to start tomorrow at home on my own. (It’s one of my 40 things to do before I am 40).

The process includes readings, homework exercises, reflections , but two other vital features: artist dates and morning pages. An artist date is simply taking yourself on a date. It could be a movie, restaurant you want to try , buying fun quirky stuff at the £ store. Anything . So many times we wait for someone else to go with us, instead of following our hearts desire. Do it !

Morning pages are three handwritten freestyle journal like entries that you engage in first thing in the morning. You are trying to catch your unconscious. Through releasing the excess dust in our minds, it allows room for creativity to manifest.

All of these practices are great and I highly encourage everyone to try it. Numerous times I nudge my clients to partake in the program, particularly artist dates. But one aspect of the retreat I found enjoyable was not in the book. It is called “popcorn.”

During the workshop, after you work on reflecting on an exercise you have to process with a stranger. Numerous exercises, and each time a different stranger. After almost every interaction, you give “popcorn.” Popcorn takes the form of handwritten exchanges which include listing positive attributes about a person’s character, wishes for them, words of encouragement. They are quite touching and what is amazing is they are from strangers!

What’s so intriguing is these partnerings generally lasted from 10-20 minutes in groups of 2-4, and you share some deep hidden aspects about yourself even your partner may not know. Those in your group are witnesses to your revelation, and hand you a tangible gift to remember. It’s like souvenirs and bows for you to go or this creative self within.

These popcorn were so special, I swore I wanted to keep them. Initially I held them in an envelope from a recent birthday card. Instead I chose the perfect tin to place them in. The tin says “make your own magic.” It’s going to be placed somewhere special in my home .

Why don’t we do this more often? With the advent of the internet, social media, and texts, we share our kind words to others electronically. But there is something special when something is handwritten. It’s nostalgic and something you can tangibly cherish.

So if you fancy making someone’s day, think of giving them popcorn. Perhaps it’s for a co-worker, friend, yoga instructor, or partner. It will be valued, and maybe even replicated. Popcorn, just like acts of kindness, is addicting. It’s light, fun, and you can never have just one!

“A true artist is not one who is inspired, but one who inspires others.”-Salvador Dali

I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.-Friedrich Nietzsche

This past week, I decided to download some old school Britney Spears… Toxic, Boys, I’m a Slave for You. The more I listened to her music, I began to realize and appreciate the purpose the Britneys and other pop princesses share. The obvious reason is it’s pure fun. The beats are simplified and easy to dance to, you can’t help but sway your hips when the songs come on. I can recall times when friends wanted to start dancing in pubs and clubs and their go to artist was Britney.

But listening to some of her songs further, I noticed a theme. Confidence arises in her when she’s on the dance floor. It’s as if she takes on the alter ego persona as Britney the dance goddess which is different than how she may be in her everyday life.

Isn’t this alter ego something we all want to acquire? If pop music could easily serve as our super power to transform into a confident being, why don’t we all access this? You are a different person when you dance. The cathartic nature of dance sheds layers of weight of frustration, sadness, jealousy, anger, and disappointment. If you let yourself live into the music, one can access pure joy.

Dance previously was integral in my life. Although flamenco is here now, my life was filled with Bellydance, African, Hula, Tahitian, Salsa, Hip Hop, even Modern, in addition to dancing in the clubs. I couldn’t wait to release everything into those moments of movement. And once I got the hang of the style of dance I was doing, I was able to add my own creative twist to it. Confidence, the power of my sensuality and femininity grew. But over the years, this has diminished. I have heard this from other friends in their 30’s or 40’s. we no longer go out just to dance, why do we think that dancing should only be reserved for 20 year olds? It’s here for all of us to share and embrace.

Perhaps this is why ecstatic dance gatherings are popping up. We dance to release, connect, let go, celebrate, express. Our bodies are expressing the our hearts’ intentions in one particular moment. And then another intention arises, it expresses that. We have creative freedom to move our bodies in endless ways, to numerous beats, and the potential to create sequences.

My list of 40 things to do before I am 40, incorporates several dance components. One is simply dance each day. Many people put off dancing, because they are waiting to go with friends to a club, or for a party to arise. They may also be waiting to be led in a dance class. But why wait? Can’t we harness the inner Britney in while making toast, coffee, or feeding the dogs? All we need is music and the freedom of our bodies. I have vowed to dance each day for at least one song. It’s been a week, and I’ve been keeping it up.

A friend had posted this below of a man doing chores as he dances. Why not? Perhaps you can dance in a secret room in your home. Don’t judge yourself. Nobody is watching. Just dance !

My Current Dance Playlist (yes it’s old school, and there are 3 Mouseketeers)

1. Boys- Britney Spears

2. Dirrty- Xtina Aguilera

3. Magalenha-Sergio Mendez

4. Shoop- Salt N Pepa

5. I Just Wanna Love You-Jay Z

6. Southern Hospitality-Ludacris

7. Turn Down For What-DJ Snake & Lil John

8. Where Have You Been-Rihanna

9. Like I love You-Justin Timberlake

10. Wanna Be Startin Somethin- Michael Jackson

“To be creative means to be in love with life. You can be creative only if you love life enough that you want to enhance its beauty, you want to bring a little more music to it, a little more poetry to it, a little more dance to it.” ― Osho

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”-Julia Cameron

This weekend I am taking a course by Julia Cameron: The Artist Way. It’s based on her best selling book, a 12 week program on reconnecting with the lost creative side within. Loads of artists swear by it’s effectiveness in unlocking the mystery of creativity to include Alicia Keys, Elizabeth Gilbert, Russell Brand, and Florence (from Florence and the Machine) to name a few.

It was recommended by a friend over ten years ago, although I never have finished it in its entirety. I’ve used it numerous times with clients, offering the book as a gift for those whose creative spirit has been diminished.

It’s a two day course in London. Today we were given a 90 minute lunch, and were encouraged to take 20 minutes in silence to note our a-ha moments. I took my packaged lunch to Regent Park and planned to reflect.

This came easily. The day was surprisingly gorgeous, and I did not look anything up on my cellphone. One thing I vowed to do once a week for this year is to limit technology one day per week. This is part of my project of doing 40 things I am afraid of this year. It’s a weekly tech fast to include no social media, emails, phone calls, and texting only for emergencies. Today happens to be the day I do this.

What a-ha moments that arose were “signs.” I began seeing signs everywhere: the shirts people wore, signs on the street, parts of conversation I overheard.

The signs included the following tee shirts:

Create your own future

Stage coach

Stay positive

Roll with it

Authentic

Love

I then found a hotel key which I picked up and savoured:

As I walked back to the venue , I saw this sign.

It seemed blatantly obvious that the world was talking and I needed to listen. A-ha moments exist everywhere, if I provide silence to catch the whispers.

In my youth, I used to always search for signs as a means to find the answers to questions I was not sure about. I set an intentional wonderment into the ether, and the universe would respond by giving me signs. Over the years, I lost touch with this. Perhaps I became too busy in my everyday mind, which constantly chatters. Another likely cause is smartphones. I am highly guilty of distracting my free moments with checking emails , texts, and social media. It’s as if I do not allow my life to have space to simply be in the world. I must constantly be entertained , or inputting new information in my head.

But now that I am removing this temporarily from my life, I have space to see what the world may be guiding me to see. I can lean towards my intuitive side which is longing to be recognised.

It’s something I realise I did not even miss, until it reappeared today. If I pay attention, I can note the subtle ways I am being nudged to an answer. I am excited to see what tomorrow has in store.

Birthdays are an odd thing. There are numerous expectations of how you choose to spend the day, as I had written about last week. I chose to share my birthday with others, instead of keeping it silenced. I wanted to claim and live it in my own way. But I noticed, as my birthday approached, people were asking what my plans were. The numerous plans I gave, I began to wonder if they were not enough. Do people care about the response, as they ask you the question?

And so I chose to live my birthday simply. I went to work, and taught yoga classes. In some ways, it is such a gift to share the process of yoga with others, especially those early on their paths. I was able to encourage a coworker up into her first headstand today. I led another bunch of newbies to flow into half moon. How amazing to be there and support them on “my day”, it turns into “our day.”

I shouldn’t be too surprised that this is how my day went. I began my morning with a loving kindness meditation by Pema Chodron, which focused on imagining people I am grateful for, then those I feel neutral towards, dislike, and then the world. I offered heart felt warmth to myself and all these people, wishing them happiness and the root of happiness. It was a beautiful way to start the morning.

I woke up excited about my birthday. I don’t know who gets excited about turning 39, but I am looking forward to what the next year holds. I completed my list of the 40 things I vow to conquer this next year and shared this with my friends. I believe why I am looking forward to the year is I know I am doing it with them. It’s the process of collectively sharing our goals, being accountable with each other via edits, updates, and other inspirational chatter.

There are small things that disappointed me about my birthday, but I am not going to let it ruin the day. My day was parallel to the weather, the morning started off with a pink sunrise, shifted to rain and dirty clouds, and ending with sunshine. I had finished my day with my favorite toffee nut latte (which this Starbucks still serves, even though it’s out of season), and headed to flamenco class. I will dance away my worries, frustrations, joys, excitement…the totality of my existence.

We have a choice on what we want to focus on and highlight in our day. Do we focus on the minute irritants or the overall warm experience we felt throughout the day?

As people tomorrow ask me how my birthday went, I know I have the option of how to respond. I will explore what to focus on and share. I am the author of my day and story.

It seems easy enough to do this with writings from others (although I think blacking out books is almost sacrilegious). But this can be hard for us to do with our own words and thoughts.

Yet if we look at what it means to grow as a person, we must break down old ideas, beliefs, and limitations to create anew. Ideally we can hold confidence in our beliefs, but simultaneously explore if these long held beliefs have an expiration date. Are they fitting with our lives today, or are causing conflict ? Do they need to be re-examined ? Deconstructed and reconstructed ?

I created three pieces in one evening, and am hooked. I found a new free hobby to express my creativity. I wanted to share this with you, who knows what may arise when you allow the hidden creative artist a new form of canvas.

Can you begin exploring any thoughts you may have that are limiting your potential? What may need to be done to shift this to accommodate who you are today?

“Deconstruction is not meant to be a soft sighing for the future, but a way of deciding now and being impassioned in a moment.”

John D. Caputo

To explore erasure poetry:

http://www.writersdigest.com/whats-new/erasure-and-blackout-poems-poetic-forms

“It takes a long time to become young.”-Picasso

Today marks a one week countdown to my birthday.  Over the years, I’ve found many ways to bring in the year… going on a trip, having large combined parties, small dinners, taking off work, staying silent about it while working, attending concerts, spa time, family time, partner time, or friendship time. Despite the numerous ways to bring in my new year, all bring about moments of reflection.

How did I live the past year?  How do I want to live the next one?  Have I served others?  Have I served myself?  Where am I at with my goals with body, wealth, and mind?

But next week is the prelude to the big one.  I am turning 39, it seems a bit different.  A large number of my friends are in the midst of turning 40.   One particular friend noted how we should mark the year in a special way…she suggested we choose to engage in conquering 40 things we are afraid of or have putting off in life.  The list could include anything: holding a tarantula in your hand (her idea), going skydiving, nude beach, taking that dance class you have been longing for, or even wearing red lipstick. At end the year, we ideally should celebrate with one massive collective birthday party for ourselves.  It will be like a wedding we throw to marry the “us” we love!

I’ve decided to create a special facebook group for these friends from grade school, high school, grad school, and beyond.  I’m not sure how they will respond, or if people will opt out.  But this excites me.  I am hopeful that my friends will post their Top 40 lists, and we can serve as accountability partners.

As I look in the mirror, I notice several gray hairs growing by my right temple.  Signs of my decades are evident to those that stand close to me.  But juxtaposed to the grays is my notable young face.  I don’t see a 39-year-old, or feel that age.  Internally somehow I am still 15, but with more logic, experience, and guts.  With age, comes confidence and an increased desire to live fully in the present moment.  No regrets.

Birthdays do not have to be something we fear, or keep in silence.  It’s something we have the opportunity to embrace.  Another year on this earth.  How do I want to live the next one?

It’s an opportunity to start over.  It’s never too late to create anew.

If Picasso was right, and it takes a long time to become young, what does it mean to be young ?Words that come to mind for me are :

Carefree Flexible Laughter Play Joy

Silly Energy Dance Curious Present

Focused Naive Simplicity Create Forget

Faith/trust in the world No apologies

Why wouldn’t I want this as part of my life as an adult? Can we learn to be young again ? With each birthday that comes around, can I vow to have the essence of childhood in the forefront of my brain? It’s a mindfulness activity. Be present focused. It’s all we truly have.

As I write this, I await my weekly flamenco class.  The instructor informed us we will be having a dance recital this summer.  I shared this with my mother.  She offered to fly out from Philadelphia to see me dance.  It felt reminiscent of me being a 5th grade school production.  She was proud, and I am proud…of a dance recital at 39 as a beginner! What comedy, but what fun!

In 2017, I had spent conquering one item per month I was afraid of. One of them was taking a flamenco class. I have yet to create my list of 40. Will it be possible to attain to stretch myself so much in one year ?

What would your list include?  What’s keeping you from doing it?  Would you will be willing to share this list with others, for them to be your accountability partners?

“God gave us the gift of life; it is up to us to give ourselves the gift of living well. “-Voltaire

The sun is a daily reminder that we too can rise again from the darkness, that we too can shine our own light.–Sara Ajna

Living in England for the past five years, sunshine has not been prevalent in my life. This is actually the lightest skin color I have ever been in the past 17 years. I had been lived a majority of my adult life in flip flop territories such as Hawaii, Los Angeles, and Santa Barbara county. Each British summer I am reminded how much I miss the sun. And so when the sun creeps out, I choose to have an affair with her.

This week, the weather here has been amazing. Each day, I somehow force my way to spend hidden moments (even at work)with her. A yoga class on the lawn, lunches outside, morning jogs on the track versus elliptical. I am finding reasons to squeeze in extra kisses from the sun, by taking non-mandatory car trips. Usually I will try to minimise any excess driving, but not when she is around.

Things are different with extended day light, warm weather, and a moonroof to allow the fresh breeze in. Somehow my 120mile round trip commute is no longer horrible. I can actually catch the sunrise over the English countryside. There are moments I wish I could take out my camera while going 80mph because the scenery is heartachingly beautiful. When I drove home after a 12 hour work day, I turned my neck to check if it was okay to switch lanes. I caught the sunset. My eyes wanted to linger there. What a gift!

Unlike an actual affair where one would try to avoid signs of being together, I want proof. A bite mark. Give me tan lines please. Leave with me the scent of you, a reminder to carry me through the rest of the weeks. You do exist. You do love me.

Everyone else’s demeanor has also shifted. We are wearing lighter clothes, and somehow our spirits have gotten lighter as well. Some of my clients that were depressed are noting a change in mood, due to more hours with my sun.

I don’t want this to end. She keeps teasing me. The weather predictions continues to rise fear in me that this must end. “Rain tomorrow. “My coworker warned me this earlier in the week. But the forecast keeps pushing the sun’s departure date further to the right. Each day I view as a gift.

I feel guilty sometimes when with her, I am a different person. I want to nap around her, because I feel comforted and safe. Productivity diminishes. What’s most important when she is in my atmosphere is her presence. She is my number one priority. I long to observe everything she touches by her existence: the vibrance of flowers, the return of the birds’ songs, and smiles on people’s faces.

I know when I lived in California and Hawaii, I took my sun for granted. She was loyal and faithful, everyday she shone. I barely told her how much I love her. But now she visits so sporadically, I try to express my love to her as much as possible. I stretch out our visitations. I find any moment with her pleasurable: either playing with the dogs, setting out laundry to hang, journaling, drawing, or just laying there with her shining on me.

As I walk in London today, I hear a fellow Londoner at the crosswalk say into his cellphone “It’s crazy what the sun does.” I concur.

My dogs also miss her. Generally when I get home, they are begging for food. Not yesterday, they wanted to go to our lawn. It wasn’t to go to the bathroom, it was simply to be in the sun’s presence again.

I don’t know how long you will be here this time. But each time you visit, I promise to appreciate you, relish in your kisses, and spend every available moment in your presence. Please stay.

Now I understand why in yoga we do sun salutations, to honor you.

“Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us. “-Samuel Smiles

For your tanning pleasure…

A Sun Playlist

Here comes the sun: The Beatles (or Nina Simone version)

Let the sunshine in: Aquarius

May the longtime sun: Snatam Kaur

Blister in the sun:Violent Femmes

An island in the sun: Weezer

I wanna soak up the sun: Sheryl Crow

Another day of sun: La La Land Soundtrack

Walking on sunshine: Katrina & The Waves

Walking on the sun: Smashmouth

I’ll follow the sun: The Beatles

(Me and my sun last year)

till we meet again…

“Kindness is the light that dissolves all walls between souls, families, and nations.”-Paramahansa Yogananda

Today I offered a barista a positive quote. So many times I do this without thinking, it can become routine. It’s been over six years that this has been on and off part of my life. I forget that I should actually take the time to describe the purpose behind this, when handing out these pseudo business cards. The barista inquired , “What is this? Why do you do this?”

I answered, “it’s simply a positive quote, with a website with positive stories. I do it because I appreciate it, and to do something more than say thank you. I know people don’t always show thanks or can even be rude, but kindness is contagious.” She responded with offering back her appreciation for this act, and further inquired “is it a hobby? Is it just you?” Yes and yes.

When people inquire, when I hand out the cards, I momentarily get embarrassed. I am not quite sure why. I am simply offering gratitude, it’s a little more than the10-15% tip. But when I do this, it takes me out of the normal robotic responses i give to strangers . I feel briefly I am exposing part of myself. It’s a vulnerable side, who deeply values humanity and acts of generosity. I want to break down a wall and form a genuine connection in a quick amount of time with someone I may never see again. I want to leave people with something small and tangible to make them know they are special and appreciated. An inspirational quote and a quirky picture of my dogs may bring a smile for a short amount of time. Wouldn’t I rather want to do this than the status quo or be rude?

Being kind to others does not take much time. It’s brief and the effects can have the potential to be long lasting. But the act of stepping out of your comfort zone can take effort. It requires a little more of you to offer a stranger a smile or intentional out of the ordinary words of thanks.

I’ve offered these cards to everyone from baristas, to celebrities, the homeless, protestors, special operation active duty members , family members, airline stewardesses, tsa agents, Uber drivers, physicians, and fellow clinicians. It doesn’t matter what status we have, or how much money we make, we all don’t receive enough genuine thanks for all that we do.

In Buddhism, there is a meditation practice called metta or loving kindness. In it we express kind thoughts to ourselves, others, those we may feel indifferent to, those we have ill feelings towards, and all of the world. It can be quite a powerful exercise. Below I am posting a link to a practice from Jack Kornfield’s webpage. Try it out, and see how it lands on you.

https://jackkornfield.com/meditation-lovingkindness/

“Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Extend to them all the care, kindness and understanding you can muster, and do it with no thought of any reward. Your life will never be the same again. “-Og Mandino