Meeting Icons

 

“Please do not be cynical. I hate cynicism – it’s my least favorite quality, and it doesn’t lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you’re kind, amazing things will happen.” Conan O’Brien

Earlier this week I had the pleasure of meeting Conan O’Brien after a concert he performed in with his new band The Vigodas at The Lodge Room in Highland Park.  What was interesting is I feel I already knew him after watching him for over thirty years on his talk shows, travel show, and podcast.  After so much familiarity, I feel he already was a friend, we just hadn’t met.  

            In between musical acts, I asked my brother what he would say to Conan if he got the opportunity to meet him. He said he would blame Conan on his poor sleep, because he would stay up to watch his late night show ever since the debut (when my brother was in 4th grade).  I said I would bring up the late Norm McDonald standing me up on a date when I was an extra on his show, because I knew Conan was his beloved friend. I even prepped a photo ready to show him.  

            My brother and I decided to leave during another act, because the LA heat wave was difficult to bear at the concert hall.  Several minutes prior we saw Conan leave from his private room and exit through the front.  We decided to go out the entrance, although my brother warned me the proper exit was preferred, and Conan was probably already long gone.  We stepped into the alley of the front entrance and found Conan there with his crew.  Immediately I was lectured by a staff member that “this is not an exit.” I pretended to not hear the comment, and when I saw Conan I had to say “I love you.” I was wearing a Dolly Parton shirt in honor of her, who had died the day prior.  He said “I love your shirt,” and we both briefly shared our love for her.  

I had prepared to meet Conan earlier that night.  Call it the law of attraction or just an inner knowing.  My brother and I just had discussed this potential interaction.  I showed him and image on my phone of Norm McDonald and I from 20 years ago, stating “your friend stood me up on a date.” He realized who it was, he said “he’s still standing you up.”  After his witty comment, Conan then offered kind genuine words that you would to a friend who had been hurt by someone years ago.  It was a brief interaction but validating.  My brother shared what he wanted to say to him, we talked of his upcoming new season of his travel show Conan O’Brien Must Go which includes the Phillipines this year.  I ended the conversation with giving him one of these itonlytakesasmile kindness cards.  I watched Conan actually reading the Joseph Campbell quote on the back.  The new cards had just come in the mail that day, and I was appreciative I was able to share this with him.  I am not sure if he kept it, but it was an honor to offer something small and tangible to him.  

One of the last things I said to Conan in addition to it being a great performance that evening was “I’m glad you are doing what you love.” Conan has been such an inspiration.  He’s pivoted his career multiple times, and after retirement he opts to start the podcast Conan O’Brien Needs a Friend and a travel show, where he visits his fans internationally.  In his 60’s he’s starting a band for the sole fact that it brings him joy.  Watching him and the Vigodas perform helped spread joy to the audience.  We need more of that in our world today.  There is a contagious nature of happiness and curiosity to try new things and share your passions with the world, regardless of your age.  His playful interactions with the audience in between songs welcomed us all into another facet of him, which was entertaining and engaging. 

Thank you Conan for what you do and taking the time to have a genuine conversation with us.  It would have been easy to say nothing, not be bothered after a performance, as you had people to protect you from bothersome fans like me. Yet those several moments engaging with you will linger and live on as I share the story with others.  After years of watching you, it warmed my heart to feel for a moment we connected as friends. 

 “Fall down. Make a mess. Break something occasionally. But know that your mistakes are your own unique way of getting where you need to be and remember the story is never over.” Conan O’Brien

Reframing Love

            As a devotee of romcoms, it seems the world is framed that the potential of romantic love is always a possibility.  Fairytales mold young girls to feel as if their lives are not complete without their knight in shining armors.  And so it’s easy to be feel one is always on the hunt for their other half, and as we go out and about in the world we are programmed to seek couples who exemplify this idealized standard. When we don’t find it, a sense of dissatisfaction and incompleteness can arise. 

            On this Saturday morning, at a chill café in Los Feliz, I did spot a handful of couples.   But what I saw exemplified love to a greater intensity.  It was not the cutesy couples kissing in a corner I saw.  What I witnessed were tables of friendships, groups of men or groups of women meeting up to share their week’s joys, struggles, laughter, goals.  And I realized this was who the majority of the customers were on a Saturday morning.  This was real love.  Love that is loyal, consistent, stable, kind, non-contingent, and long lasting.  Friendship love. 

            So often we are in search of the essence of something that we may already have.  Instead of worrying where one may find love, why not be love, or reside in love that is in one’s atmosphere?  This could be one’s family, friends, or even pets.

            As I write this, I am aware it seems Pollyanna-ish.  Yet love is already all around.  We may not label these interactions and relationships as such, but it offers the same warm feeling of being cared for and offers a sense of belonging. Love is a verb.  Love is an action.  It is not an elusive thing to grasp, and therein lies the problem.  How we believe we should perceive and experience it. At the moment, we may view ourselves as lonely, but ultimately that is a choice in perception.  Allow oneself to experience and feel all the way love shows up in your life this weekend.  Then note how you feel.  Instead of the sense of seeking, there may lie within a sense of satisfaction.

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” — Oscar Wilde

What Are You Going To Do?

I’ve been in Southern California for nearly three weeks, a place I have lived for seven years of my adult life.  My purpose here hasn’t been to site see but to help a person post surgery recover.  Many friends have been asking the following: 

How have you been spending your time?  

Where have you been going? 

What have you been eating?  

What have you been doing?  

And I think my answer surprises them.

I haven’t been doing much, except being available for this person.  I walk the dog twice a day, up and down the hilly streets of Los Angeles.  I do my morning spiritual practice of meditation, writing, breathing exercises and yoga.  I sit in the sun.  I read a little, write a little, play my new monochord a little.  We’ve been catching up on Netflix shows.  I’ve been meeting with friends I haven’t seen for years for coffee or meals.  But that is it.  And I’m satisfied.  I don’t actually have to “do anything.”  I’m content. 

Many people have said I should go to this restaurant, or this store, or that area of Los Angeles.  But I’ve lived here before, have lived in England for the past 8 ½ years, and now I live in Paris.  What I need most in the winter is the sun and simplicity.  I have mostly been limiting myself to the confines of where I am residing.  This includes the exciting festivities of walking to a local café, farmer’s market, and 99 cent store.  It surprisingly is enough.  I do not need more of anything to fill my days.  I’ve been grateful for my friends who have met me where I am staying, as I’ve been minimizing my drive as much as possible.

I have been finding pleasure in the simplicity of routine, the sun, my practices, and the strolls each day. In one of my virtual yoga classes this past week on the app Glo, a teacher Stephanie Snyder shared some bits of wisdom: “Remember you are here to influence the world, not to be influenced by it.” I do not need to find entertainment.   Each moment has been entertaining enough.  Being alive, having sun, my daily discipline, and loved ones have been enough.  And I feel satisfied.