Reframing Love

14 Dec 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

            As a devotee of romcoms, it seems the world is framed that the potential of romantic love is always a possibility.  Fairytales mold young girls to feel as if their lives are not complete without their knight in shining armors.  And so it’s easy to be feel one is always on the hunt for their other half, and as we go out and about in the world we are programmed to seek couples who exemplify this idealized standard. When we don’t find it, a sense of dissatisfaction and incompleteness can arise. 

            On this Saturday morning, at a chill café in Los Feliz, I did spot a handful of couples.   But what I saw exemplified love to a greater intensity.  It was not the cutesy couples kissing in a corner I saw.  What I witnessed were tables of friendships, groups of men or groups of women meeting up to share their week’s joys, struggles, laughter, goals.  And I realized this was who the majority of the customers were on a Saturday morning.  This was real love.  Love that is loyal, consistent, stable, kind, non-contingent, and long lasting.  Friendship love. 

            So often we are in search of the essence of something that we may already have.  Instead of worrying where one may find love, why not be love, or reside in love that is in one’s atmosphere?  This could be one’s family, friends, or even pets.

            As I write this, I am aware it seems Pollyanna-ish.  Yet love is already all around.  We may not label these interactions and relationships as such, but it offers the same warm feeling of being cared for and offers a sense of belonging. Love is a verb.  Love is an action.  It is not an elusive thing to grasp, and therein lies the problem.  How we believe we should perceive and experience it. At the moment, we may view ourselves as lonely, but ultimately that is a choice in perception.  Allow oneself to experience and feel all the way love shows up in your life this weekend.  Then note how you feel.  Instead of the sense of seeking, there may lie within a sense of satisfaction.

“Ultimately the bond of all companionship, whether in marriage or in friendship, is conversation.” — Oscar Wilde

What Are You Going To Do?

19 Feb 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

View at Medium.com

I’ve been in Southern California for nearly three weeks, a place I have lived for seven years of my adult life.  My purpose here hasn’t been to site see but to help a person post surgery recover.  Many friends have been asking the following: 

How have you been spending your time?  

Where have you been going? 

What have you been eating?  

What have you been doing?  

And I think my answer surprises them.

I haven’t been doing much, except being available for this person.  I walk the dog twice a day, up and down the hilly streets of Los Angeles.  I do my morning spiritual practice of meditation, writing, breathing exercises and yoga.  I sit in the sun.  I read a little, write a little, play my new monochord a little.  We’ve been catching up on Netflix shows.  I’ve been meeting with friends I haven’t seen for years for coffee or meals.  But that is it.  And I’m satisfied.  I don’t actually have to “do anything.”  I’m content. 

Many people have said I should go to this restaurant, or this store, or that area of Los Angeles.  But I’ve lived here before, have lived in England for the past 8 ½ years, and now I live in Paris.  What I need most in the winter is the sun and simplicity.  I have mostly been limiting myself to the confines of where I am residing.  This includes the exciting festivities of walking to a local café, farmer’s market, and 99 cent store.  It surprisingly is enough.  I do not need more of anything to fill my days.  I’ve been grateful for my friends who have met me where I am staying, as I’ve been minimizing my drive as much as possible.

I have been finding pleasure in the simplicity of routine, the sun, my practices, and the strolls each day. In one of my virtual yoga classes this past week on the app Glo, a teacher Stephanie Snyder shared some bits of wisdom: “Remember you are here to influence the world, not to be influenced by it.” I do not need to find entertainment.   Each moment has been entertaining enough.  Being alive, having sun, my daily discipline, and loved ones have been enough.  And I feel satisfied.