Mahjong

06 Oct 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

This week when visiting with my grandmother 3000 miles across the country, I wasn’t alone.  She had other friends present: her weekly Mahjong crew.  Every time I make the visit to my grandmother in Philly, there is at least one day her friends are present.  This has been going on for years.  They don’t gamble for much: There’s 25cent entry fee, bring loads of quarters and it can last you hours. I never thought much of this game, which is similar to Gin Rummy, but with these tiles and Chinese symbols.  I took for granted the sound of the domino like cubes being spread across the table.  It served as background noise to the Filipino parties and gatherings, different older family members taking their turns at winning. It’s the sound of nostalgia, although my mom never played, it seemed to be preserved for the elder generation: grandparents, great-aunts, great-grandparents.

But what made me appreciate the importance of this game was watching my grandma play with her friends this week.  She’s been struggling with dementia for years, walking with a cane, most recently needing people to spoon feed her or else she won’t eat on her own.  Yet, in front of a mahjong table the old mahjong queen arises.  Her strategies are on point, winning game after game.  The music of Barry Manilow played in the background, as she swayed her hands as if conducting an orchestra.  Grandma was in the flow. She may forget something she asked me 2 minutes ago, but she was not forgetting the techniques of this communal game that’s been embedded in her bones.

I never learned this game, but as I watched her and her friends, I tried to pick up what I could.  How many more moments would I have of this? I should learn. I tried to ask questions to the group, and although they responded, I was lovingly scolded because they said they lost because of talking to me. And so I observed in silence for nearly two hours.

And I couldn’t help but appreciate her friends who show up for her week after week, who keep her company, challenge her memory skills, and simply join together to laugh. This is a friendship aspirational goal I hope to achieve. There may be other groups playing mahjong around the world, or whatever game their culture is obsessed with.  Those who live longer fuller lives don’t just have to live in Blue Zones, but must be part of a collective who watch out for each other, still play, sway to the music, and laugh with their competitive edges. 

Role Reversals

05 Sep 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

This week, I am squeezing a visit with my grandmother.  She’s been such a powerhouse for much of my life, the top prescribing psychiatrist in Philly for quite some time. She owned a practice for decades, with hundreds of employees and numerous buildings. The past several years have brought about retirement and a bit of dementia. It’s been gradual, having long term memory, but lapsing in short term memory.

            Mama Minda is what I call her, as she never wanted to be called grandma.  She was quite young when she became a grandmother with me, I never knew any different.  I accepted it, and it stuck.  She helped pay for my living as I went to graduate school in psychology, and my first year of tuition.  For a brief year after I got my doctorate, I lived and worked with her.  I witnessed her wearing powerhouse suite blazers that were bright or filled with bold springtime flowers and heels, bedazzled herself with jewelry.  

Depsite her dementia progressing, she still wears bling jewelry.  The gold glistens as she walks with a cane, or holding onto your arm.  Her time sitting across from patients, listening to their symptoms, now consist of crocheting scarves.  She once led meetings and had pharmaceutical reps following her from one building to another offering expansive meals for staff members, I now had to spoon feed her lunch, or else she wouldn’t eat.   There’s a sense of appreciation, as she feels this is a loving act and it is. We age, dynamics change.

            In the two hours I spent with her, she asked me questions 30-50 times. I didn’t mind responding, as it was a reminder to practice patience.  It also served as exposure therapy to talk about my recent break up?  Our conversations went like this:

            Grandma                                                         Me

            How old are you now? 20? 30? 40?               46

            Where are you living?                                    California

            Where in California?                                      Avila Beach

            Do you have a boyfriend?                              We broke up

            Why?                                                              Not a good match                              

            Was he American? Or Filipino?                     American

            I’ll pray for you so you will find a                 Thank you

                        Good match, get married,

                        And have kids

            And repeat

It’s one way to get over a break up… and I know her repetitive questions are a way to ensure I am “happy”, that I am taken care of.  All the boxes are checked off for what brought about happiness in her era, and she wouldn’t have to worry about me. Or she could partake in any way to assist, by praying or attempting to play matchmaker.

I am not sure how many years we have together, but I will make the most of it. And will be happy to respond to whatever questions she asks, and know they come from a space of love.  It’s a role reversal, and I’m happy to reciprocate.

Sharing Popcorn

18 Apr 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

            As I go through my belongings and pack for yet another move, I found this tin box that says “Make your own magic.”  Inside exists a little bit of old popcorn.  No, they are not the buttered old kernels that get stuck in your teeth.  This popcorn is something else.   

            Years ago, I attended a workshop led by the infamous author, screenwriter, and teacher Julia Cameron.  She was leading an immersive training on one of her most notable projects: The Artist Way.  This event focused on how one can reconnect or jumpstart their creativity.  There are writing exercises, self-reflective activities, and within a group one can expect sharing.  When this is taught in a group, one thing she had us do was share popcorn.  Popcorn are little wishes, blessings, or compliments one offers other members of the group. She used the metaphor of popcorn, because these statements are quick, joyful, spontaneous, and delicious.  Even if one is a stranger, you must write a positive fortune for this individual.  You can be as creative as you like.

            The 12 Week Artist Way is a project I not only finished, but led many groups over the years.  And sometimes I bring out the popcorn exercise.  In this little tin box, I’ve kept some of these popcorns I have received.  I know if I am feeling down, I can go into this box. 

One I received said: “Your radiate a warmth and calm energy, that feels like it’s about to have a breakthrough.” Another said “Your kind and open heart will always guide you, as your strong connection to your spiritual center. Let this be the sole guide for your life and never ever let this go for anything or anyone.”

            It’s interesting the things we choose to keep over the years.  I move frequently, and have donated, discarded, or upcycled many things.  This little popcorn box is still quite special to me.  I hope you have something like this among your precious belongings.

Shift in Values

21 Mar 2025 3 Comments

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

            For the past several years, my number one value was my dog Bella.  Ever since my other dog Puzo died at 15 years, she was my priority.  We spent two years living the retired life together in France and Spain.  Bella accompanied me on my lap in cafes, bars, and the parks.  When her legs and paws became tired, I carried her like a baby, to ensure she had prime sunshine on her face.  In the past year, when I had to return to work, I purchased a condo five minutes from work in order to maximize time with her.  My lunch breaks I rushed home to take her out, eat with her, and return home to go on leisurely walks on the beach, ports, or her the local pet shop.  When I had dates or visited with friends, I often asked if Bella could accompany us.  I included Bella wherever possible in numerous facets of my life. 

            And now she’s gone.  Nearly 16 years to the day we found each other in a California park near sunset, she left this earth.  I’ve been a pet mom for 18 years, placing their lives as my number one value as I navigated relationships, jobs, and moves.  We moved back and forth to California several times, including extended time in Hawaii, the United Kingdom, Paris, and Spain.  As I accepted work positions, there was no question if they would be with me.  Their presence was a solid yes. 

            The question that arises now that her and Puzo are gone, is what are my values at this point? How will I make the choices in my life now that my fur companions are gone? What will be number one at this time in my life?

            Oftentimes there’s a dramatic shift in our life that occurs: a death, relationship ending, graduation, health crisis, monumental birthday, or job loss.  We are left with the question, now that this identity is no longer in my life, who am I? How do I want to be? And now the transformative journey begins… I have so much more to share about her impact in my life, but for now with this hole I am curious how to navigate the world without her?

            It’s scary, exciting, and nerve wracking. The unknown.  It’s life.

The Time Changed

10 Mar 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I woke up this morning having a dream that my mother and I had an argument about time. I felt she was wasting it, being slow in her movements, when we had a long road trip to get to. She is retired and luxuriates in time, I felt I didn’t have enough of it. In the dream, I wanted to rush her to and make the most of it.

This dream made sense at this particular moment, it was the evening the clocks sprung forward.

 I woke up earlier than my roommates and was not clear of time. We were at a retreat center with limited cell service and wifi in the cabins.  It was completely dark outside, I looked at my phone and wondered was it really 545 am?  Would my cell phone change without service? Could I trust time, feeling as if I didn’t have enough?

But the truth is (at least for me on retreats) time stretches and expands while one is away from her everyday demands. And so what is time?

Time’s been on my mind, as I have clients in other countries at the moment, where the time does not change.  The past week trying to coordinate schedules blew my mind, what time tomorrow would it be for them when we spoke today for me?   As I reflect on time, I want a different job so I can have more time off, because as a full time salaried employee someone controls the amount of time I can use leisurely and who determines how my sick time shall be used, even if I want to focus more on wellness. I long for time abundance rather than time scarcity.

I woke up with a sore throat and thought to make better use of my morning.  Instead of worrying about time, I would do something with it.  

I opted to walk to the lounge area and have some tea, another retreat attendee noted how early I was up, and he was the same.  He continued to compare this time, to time back home.  Another woman asked for the time, and a man stated the time was near sunset.  He didn’t know because he had pre-coffee brain.  Time was on all of our minds. 

At the moment, I could luxuriate in it.  And I did

Initially as I walked towards the baths at 6ish I saw tiny paw prints on the staircase.  I wasn’t sure what animal may be joining me in the open baths, would it just be me and a racoon? A human couple left the baths, I saw no racoons, and felt at ease as I slid into the thermal baths. At Esalen, the baths are clothing optional.  In the darkness of the early day or evening, I do not mind being nude alone in the healing waters, listening to the ocean hit the rocks below.   And here time felt expansive. 

I sit in front of a tree overlooking a mountain, facing the direction of where the sun will be rising from, having a warm cup of coffee before yoga class begins.   At another point of my busy life, I may say that I beat time.  I was so productive before the sun said hello.   But time is not a thing to be beat. It’s something to be in partnership with, flow with. 

There’s a patter on the roof, I witness two racoons scoping out the landscape during their last moments of nocturnal activities.  Slowly they creep and disappear into the tree that I am observing.  Perhaps these were the racoons whose footprints I observed in the baths. Perhaps we are on the same schedule. They do not adhere to clocks and watches, but the movement of the sun and moon.  Yet, here we are together making the most of the time we have today. 

Adjustments to Meditation

03 Jul 2022 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , 

        My mother is visiting for 10 days, which is lovely.  BUT whenever I have a visitor, or whenever I travel, my morning spiritual routine must shift.  I have grown accustomed to living alone and making my morning sacred :  journaling (morning pages), gratitude, breathwork, meditation, yoga, spiritual texts.  But now it has to shift, my mom even said this morning « no time for yoga when I’m here. »  and so I must improvise.  My meditation shifts to the evening, or I am reminded that walking my dogs is a walking moving meditation.  This is what it must be.  The trip is time limited, and just because for several days it has to be altered, it doesn’t mean I must lose the essence of the practice .  


      Years ago, this was the problem with my meditation practice.  I became attached to what it had to look like.  I only meditated using one particular method, and if it did not fit that mold, then I viewed it as if I had  failed at meditation for the day.  But over the years, I’ve learned to have more self compassion for myself.  I’ve learned to be flexible, and to include other aspects of life into my meditation.
       It’s easy in some ways to live a spiritual life on your own, or while you are on a meditation retreat.  But what about when you get thrown into the everyday world ?  Things must shift, and so it has.  And this is okay.
       We can still live with intention, even if our days are jolted a bit.   We can appreciate it for what it is versus being irritated it does not look a particular way.  We can turn towards the beings that are in our atmosphere and learn to mold our spiritual life to wave like strands of long grass in the wind.  Flexibility is key to our daily lives, even with our morning discipline.