Self-Compassion During Times of Change

 “Compassion for others begins with kindness to ourselves.” — Pema Chodron

Moving is always listed as one of the top 10 events that are attributed to our personal stress. There are so many facets involved with this big ordeal: making the decision to embark on this change, informing one’s landlord, having prospective tenants visit your place, finding a new place to live, searching for a job, interviewing, attaining a job, packing, transportation to the new location, and coordinating the shipment or move of one’s belongings.  This is the case for me.  In the past six months, I’ve made the decision to relocate.  I will not just be leaving my current city, country, but also continent.  After 10 ½ years of living overseas, I will be returning to America, a job, and a newly purchased condo.  And so the past several months have been eventful, with interviews, travels, paperwork, coordination, and packing.  

I had always thought during times of moves, that we must almost be in a manic state to ensure we get everything done.  This includes excess energy, less sleep, and full speed ahead planning.  I’m generally overcaffeinated and prepared for all.  And this time, I’ve tried to decrease some of this and maintain a bit of my spiritual practice.  In reality, I do not have the time or mental capacity to do all of my spiritual practice.  This is where self-compassion has been vital for me.

It’s during these moments that I remind myself, that it is all ok.  Although I may not be able to do my extended leisurely 45 minute spiritual practice every morning, everything counts.  Doing just my daily gratitude and reading a spiritual text in the morning may be enough.  I also could intentionally choose to make anything a spiritual or mindful practice. I have done this with taking my dog for a walk and being present without the distraction of phones, doing the dishes mindfully, and slowing down the mornings with candlelight and coffee.  There are options for reset numerous times of the day.  

Instead of harboring on myself that I haven’t been able to do my daily yoga practice, and I can lean into the comfort of knowing I spent quality time with visiting friends or family. I can take it easy on myself because I’m navigating a strenuous transitional time. And I can take deep diaphragmatic breaths, when I remember. 

Last month, I had attended a silent retreat. On my free time, as I knit a small blanket, I would repeat the following compassion phrases first with regards to myself, then someone I love, another I am neutral towards, someone I dislike, and the larger world. This is known as metta or loving kindness meditation.  The compassion phrases I tend to lean on are the following: 

May I be free from suffering.

May I be free from internal and external enemies.

May I live this life with a healthy body and happy mind. 

May it be so.

The blanket I was knitting was becoming a compassion blanket, for myself, others and the world. Instead of ruminating on all the stressors that were in my life, I could focus on those phrases and that moment.  I remind myself this during my last week living abroad. Can I find comfort in the crazy?  Can I hold myself in compassion through change? I encourage this metta practice to all of you, regardless if you are in the midst of transition or simply preparing for the holiday season. 

Back to Spanish Class

“Change your language and you change your thoughts.”
Karl Albrecht

            Last week I enrolled in a month long intensive Spanish course.  Although I have officially moved here nearly six months ago, I have put this off.  While in Paris last year, I took three months of French, and it made me cringe.  I hated starting from scratch, pronouncing everything all wrong, and be corrected constantly.  I didn’t think I would need Spanish here, but I have recognized and accepted that my Spanish was more of a tourist Spanish.   Additionally, Andalucians seem to sometimes speak a different language, with shortening the words or have nicknames for things that did not make sense.  Who knew that mala leche (which is translated to bad milk) equates with having a day where you are pissed off and angry?  If I wanted to improve, it required an intensive.  To commit to this was to commit to a part time job, twenty hours a week, Monday through Friday for four weeks.  But now I could do it.

            And I was pleasantly surprised. 

            It was actually somewhat enjoyable.  I had taken Spanish class in high school, college, and did an immersion in graduate school.  As we went around the room, verbalizing our background with Espanol, I realized it has been over twenty years since I had taken Spanish (Duolingo doesn’t count).  I could have compassion for myself with forgetting some things along the way. 

In the classroom, sat next to me a 14 year old Bosnian girl, living in Sweden. She showed me texts from her boyfriend and teacher, gossiping about her life as if we knew each other for years.  She guessed me to be in my 20s, when I shared I was in 40s, she was stunned. And I was flattered.  The class size generally stayed around 8 people, from other countries such as Morocco, Netherlands, England, and Italy.  Although we were collectively learning Spanish, we were learning about each other.  Our conversational skills were put to the test as we shared our background information, occupation, likes, dislikes, hobbies, and family dynamics.  “Me llamo Tricia.  Me gusta caminar con mi amigo.  Soy americana, pero ahora vivo en Malaga por seis meses…”  This was repeated throughout the week, because with four hour long sessions, the teachers rotated in and out.  We could practice hearing different accents, dialects, and experience various teaching styles. 

            But all were pleasant.  Yes we were corrected at times, but it was with encouragement.  For some reason, my experience with learning the French language is it was tiresome and draining, it probably didn’t help that we wore masks for most of the sessions.  I recall practicing my Spanish with a local here several months ago, who was training to be a language teacher.  He laughed when I pronounced various words, and therefore it shut me down.  Why open oneself to ridicule in the hopes of improving?  A warm encouraging environment is so necessary to offer padding to those learning something new.  If you fall, it’s not so bad.  You are then willing to try again, criticism didn’t knock you down.  At least for me, this is my preferred learning style.  

            And so I am ready to enter week 2 of classes, with more energy, less cringe, and curiosity of what will be revealed next.   As I write this, I am full of appreciation for the teachers out there who have the kind patience in working with their students, and for all students out their who have self-compassion as they learn something new.

New Moon Versus Full Moon Rituals

A Full Moon arises tonight, and I feel it’s been beckoning me.  I began to go down the rabbit hole of researching Full Moon Rituals versus New Moon Rituals.  Here is what I learned.

New Moons are best for setting new goals for the next month.  Creating new goals are not only reserved for the new year.  We can do this every lunar cycle.  Explore what it is you want to transpire in the next 28 days.  What areas do you want to shift and how can you make that happen.  This is the time to vow to make changes in your life and commit to taking action.  New Moons are for manifestations.  

  • Take time to create an intention of how you want the next month to go
  • Visualize attaining these goals
  • Work on a vision board, crystal grid
  • Verbalize your goals aloud to a trusted friend for accountability

Full Moons are best for cleansing.  Let go of what no longer serves you.  But there are mystical healing properties of a full moon.  So one can additionally cleanse crystals, water, or oneself under a full moon.  We are to reflect on the goals we began two weeks ago during the New Moon phase, but we don’t take action now.  Energy is focused on taking care of one’s self.  Self-compassion and slowing down.  Clean out what is stale in one’s home and rest.  It’s a time for grounding ourselves.  Our emotions may be heightened during this time, therefore it’s best to not make any rash decisions.  Full Moons are for cleansing and compassion.

  • Clean out and declutter your space
  • Sage and clear your atmosphere of stuck energy
  • Cleanse yourself and crystals under a full moon
  • Slow it down with some yin yoga and hygge self care

Regardless if you believe in the moon phases or not, this makes sense.  Once a month focus on manifesting/directing where you want your life to go.  Another aspect of the month, chill out and take care of yourself.  I hope you take time to demonstrate some compassion for you on this lovely full moon evening.