Walking Tour Connections

15 Sep 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“Nobody can discover the world for somebody else. Only when we discover it for ourselves does it become common ground and a common bond and we cease to be alone.” -Wendell Berry

            Yesterday, I opted to end my 10 days in Costa Rica with a walking tour of San Jose. It’s an easy way to squeeze in history, exercise, and tourism in a short amount of time.  There were six of us tourists, all solo travellers.  The interesting thing when you travel solo is you are out of your comfort zone, no familiar friends or family to converse with, and you have the opportunity to have conversations with people around the world.

            On the tour, my only fellow American spent the past week clowning around Costa Rica. She literally was clowning, through an organization run by the infamous Patch Adams.  They spread smiles around the world through comedic performance. We were an international group from Ecuador, Colombia, Netherlands, and Scotland. One was brought here for work, another has moved here temporarily as a digital nomad, and most for pure pleasure.

            The day unfolded without much plans, we walked the laid out path our guide had set for us.  But then we inquired about the restaurant he recommended La Esquinita de la Abuela (Grandma’s corner), an awe inspiring place with a cheap menu and local cuisine, decorated as one’s grandmother’s home would be.  Our guide stated “you know how minimalism is popular, but Central America is not that.  Minimalism is boring, we are maximalists.  And this is decorated with maximalism.”  In the corner of the restaurant, where chicken soup was being served, was an homage to St. Martin de Porres with brooms next to him.  Upon exploration of who this Saint was and why was he here, he was a mixed race friar from Peru.  He’s the saint for social justice, racial harmony, and mixed race people.  The broom served as a symbol that all work was sacred, regardless of how small the task.  I felt that in this restaurant that served authentic Costa Rican cuisine in it’s kitchy plates and glasses.  The love was offered to all who entered.

We listened to local stories our guide shared with us over lunch, such as who was author Jose Leon Sanchez.   He allegedly stole La Negrita (the beloved Black Madonna) and condemned to jail for years, and upon release fleeing Costa Rica, and found fame in Mexico City.  We heard about a tradition of people wearing folk masks in small towns, who look like pinata heads but the opposite occurs.  Instead of this pinata like figure being hit, you are hit with a stick, “you know what you may happen if you are too close.” 

 It was as if some of us didn’t want it to end. We enjoyed wandering (flaneuring) the streets taking in the recommended restaurants, cafes, and markets. The 2 ½ hour tour extended to over 8 hours, as we shared our professions, travel history, political views of our countries, and dreams over coffee and shared desserts.  We stumbled to one of the top 100 cafes in the world, and also one of the most beautiful in the local theater.  Our guide told us, if we couldn’t make it to a show, we could get a peak of the theater while walking to the restroom. 

As we walked the streets, I was reminded of the film Before Sunrise, without the romance, and instead of two main characters, there were four. Who knows if we will see each other again, I made sure to share our contacts. Life has a funny way of working out, “we may end up meeting in another country” I told a fellow traveller as I gave her a hug goodbye.

            As we meet strangers, when we travel solo, we have the opportunity to pause and reflect on who we are in this moment, where we’ve come from, and where we opt to go.  What are the stories you choose to share? Where are the destinations you hope to go? What type of life are you stepping into when you return home? Where is home, and will home change? All of this occurs within the backdrop of an unfamiliar country, which adds to the allure of the fleeting moment.  I can’t help but notice the nomadic wanderluster arises in me at times like this.  The 25 year old backpacker who visited 15 countries in one summer, and so many hopes before landing my first full time job.  Do I forever want to wander? Will I ever find one home? At moments like this, I don’t just meet new friends, but meet that old version of myself who still longs for adventure, wonder, and feels ephemeral.

            When’s the last time you’ve met that version of yourself?

Role Reversals

05 Sep 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

This week, I am squeezing a visit with my grandmother.  She’s been such a powerhouse for much of my life, the top prescribing psychiatrist in Philly for quite some time. She owned a practice for decades, with hundreds of employees and numerous buildings. The past several years have brought about retirement and a bit of dementia. It’s been gradual, having long term memory, but lapsing in short term memory.

            Mama Minda is what I call her, as she never wanted to be called grandma.  She was quite young when she became a grandmother with me, I never knew any different.  I accepted it, and it stuck.  She helped pay for my living as I went to graduate school in psychology, and my first year of tuition.  For a brief year after I got my doctorate, I lived and worked with her.  I witnessed her wearing powerhouse suite blazers that were bright or filled with bold springtime flowers and heels, bedazzled herself with jewelry.  

Depsite her dementia progressing, she still wears bling jewelry.  The gold glistens as she walks with a cane, or holding onto your arm.  Her time sitting across from patients, listening to their symptoms, now consist of crocheting scarves.  She once led meetings and had pharmaceutical reps following her from one building to another offering expansive meals for staff members, I now had to spoon feed her lunch, or else she wouldn’t eat.   There’s a sense of appreciation, as she feels this is a loving act and it is. We age, dynamics change.

            In the two hours I spent with her, she asked me questions 30-50 times. I didn’t mind responding, as it was a reminder to practice patience.  It also served as exposure therapy to talk about my recent break up?  Our conversations went like this:

            Grandma                                                         Me

            How old are you now? 20? 30? 40?               46

            Where are you living?                                    California

            Where in California?                                      Avila Beach

            Do you have a boyfriend?                              We broke up

            Why?                                                              Not a good match                              

            Was he American? Or Filipino?                     American

            I’ll pray for you so you will find a                 Thank you

                        Good match, get married,

                        And have kids

            And repeat

It’s one way to get over a break up… and I know her repetitive questions are a way to ensure I am “happy”, that I am taken care of.  All the boxes are checked off for what brought about happiness in her era, and she wouldn’t have to worry about me. Or she could partake in any way to assist, by praying or attempting to play matchmaker.

I am not sure how many years we have together, but I will make the most of it. And will be happy to respond to whatever questions she asks, and know they come from a space of love.  It’s a role reversal, and I’m happy to reciprocate.

Reciprocal Nourishment

27 Aug 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

            “Is this your first time at Esalen,” the gatekeeper asked, as I was checking in. 

            “No, it’s my fourth, but first time volunteering.”  I responded.

            The gatekeeper proceeded to describe property rules and protocol for my day at Esalen.  I’ve attended three retreats at this Big Sur property in the past 15 months, nourishing my soul at times of change. I had the urge to return, but didn’t have the time to allot to a full retreat, therefore a day dose would have to suffice.  Volunteers get nearly 12 hours to use the facility. 

            I kept this in mind as I left my home at 6am, but with traffic, and a stop to fill my car, I didn’t make it to Esalen until after 10:00.  I put positive thoughts in the universe my desire for leftover breakfast and a spot to charge my car, and surprisingly both were available to me on arrival.  I was lucky for scraps, as breakfast ended at 930.  I needed food in my body, because my shift started when lunch would be served.

            Retreats sell out at Esalen, and as I checked the website, so do volunteer slots.  Available slots are posted two weeks early, and are quickly nabbed up.  Everyone wants an opportunity to experience the land, the thermal baths, and the healing space Esalen has to offer. So I felt relieved when I landed a spot. I had hopes to share this with my partner, but he cancelled the week prior due to a conflict in schedule, and we broke up yesterday. So, here I was ready to volunteer solo on what I thought would be a joint venture.

            My two hours of free time before check in included writing as I looked out the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean, laying in the gardens, and glancing at the available books in the bookstore.   Time passed quickly, I moved my car, parked far away as requested and went to check in for my volunteer shift to begin. 

            “I want you to get lunch first, then start your shift for me.”  My shoulders and nervous system relaxed.  The volunteer attendant wanted to ensure I was nourished before I prepared food for others.  What a beautiful thing.  My body needed nourishment, after a break up, and long solo road trip.

            My three hours in the kitchen served as a meditation, as I cut up zucchini with repetition.  Everyone was in their zone of allotted tasks to do.  Another staff member, asked how I was doing and if I needed water.  She grabbed water for me in a large plastic container.  Once again another stranger was nourishing me. Time passed as I swept the kitchen with a broom, peeled off stickers from plums, and washed these fruits for others.  And just like that, my shift was over.

            For the next 75 minutes I relaxed in the thermal baths, naked as everyone else was.  We watched otters play in the water, one even shared her binocolars with the collective.  Each time I go to the thermal baths, I cant help but think we stepped outside of Big Sur California and into ancient Greek times.  Perhaps we are our own gods and goddesses who deserve a break from daily modern life.

            This is my first time I volunteered at Esalen, and I know it won’t be my last.  Perhaps in the future it may be more than cutting vegetables, perhaps a sound bath I will lead or a workshop.  But for now this is good, I appreciate the mutual nourishment in what this place offers me.  I have gratitude to the land, and the ancestors and protectors of the land the Esselen tribe. Thank you for holding me, nourishing me, and I hope in some way I can serve you.

            I’m curious how there is reciprocal nourishment in your life? Whether that is through people, pets, or places?

Ceremony and Ritual

19 Aug 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Earlier this year, my friend Lisa bought for my birthday a special necklace. Yet prior to putting it on my neck, she encouraged me to have a ceremony surrounding it.  Because it wasn’t just any necklace. The script was written in the language that pre-dates the Filipino language of Tagalog, before colonization Babayin.  The word is powerful: FREEDOM.

Although my birthday was months ago, I have not felt the time was right to wear it.  I tried a ceremony on the afternoon of a full moon last month.  I walked five minutes from my home to the sand, and into the ocean, and held this in my hand thinking of intentions. But it wasn’t time to wear it yet, and I let time pass. 

Yet something shifted this month.  It was the day after I paid off my credit cards (which had built up after moving back to America). There was a sense of freedom that emerged: financial freedom. And I knew it was time to do a ceremony for the necklace and finally wear it.

Yesterday morning, I walked towards the beach, but this time I stopped and saw mini labyrinth lay before me.  It was in the shape of a snake, a reminder of transformation lay before me. I placed my necklace in the center, along with palo santo and a lighter.  I slowly walked toward the center of the snake’s mouth, and when I reached it I picked up these items and cleansed the necklace. Now was the time to place it on my neck.

And maybe somehow a shift was made.

Today is the second day I am wearing the necklace, a stranger in line at the coffee shop gave me a compliment to my necklace.  She queried if it was in Hebrew, and what it meant. I told her it was “Freedom” in the Filipino script language before colonization.  She found it intriguing, and shared it with her husband next to her.

There was power in sharing the story, in simply telling this stranger about my necklace. It serves as a reminder there is intentional choice and strength in what we wear and the narrative we share behind that. Everyday is an opportunity to make a statement in what we stand for.

Coffee Shops

23 Jul 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , ,

            Over the years, complaints have been made about the excessive prices of coffee in Western culture, particularly America.  Although I agree, daily coffee purchases can be a bit costly, it depends on how you are drinking the coffee and using the space that serves it.  If one is simply drinking the coffee and heading out of the coffee shop every 24 hours, this adds up and it’s more advantageous to brew at home. 

            Yet if you are going to a coffee shop for more than coffee, that the cost is worth it.  People go to coffee shops to connect with friends for long conversations. Coffee shops are the backdrop for first dates, a safe space to cut the date short or prolong it. They serve as a new office space for those who need to leave their homes to focus on their work day.  And for people like me, coffee shops are a place that have become synonymous with writing.  The background music, conversation, characters, and caffeine amplify the creative process.

            When we actually take time to slow down and drink our coffee, we can see we are paying for the product we are consuming, the staff that are serving us, and helping offset the monthly rent the owners are paying for. We are paying for a temporary escape into a third space, and for me it’s worth it.

Old Shoes

16 Jul 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , ,

My teal Birkenstocks have been broken in the past 2 years.  I purchased them in Europe, and gently wore them back and forth during my time in Spain.  But they helped me transitioned as I returned to my California beach life, after ten years abroad.  I molded them to fit my feet as I walked my 16 year old Bella daily, whether on a promenade that surrounded a harbor, to the neighborhood of Silverlake when visiting my brother, or to the beginning of the beach’s edge.

They are comfortable to wear in all types of terrain, with rubber bottoms that keep you from sliding.  When I did my beach walks,  I had them remain on my feet until they hit the sand, which they were then popped into a canvas bag.  My dog and I walked barefoot in the sand and the ocean, until her paws grew tired and I would carry her for the remainder of our long walks.  These teal birkenstocks were my comfort shoes.  I always have a pair of birkenstocks that turn into these steady companions.  As time progresses,  they lose their new sheen, become discolored with the excessive use, and simply are my errand shoes.

            These teal Birkenstocks remained with me, after I had to put Bella to sleep, and I would attempt to return to the beach to do the walks without her.  Grief accompanied me, but so did these shoes.  They were there as I relocated to my new home, another beach town, supporting me to feel the sand a hundred miles north of where I was living.   They brought me consistency and stability, until they no longer did. 

            And now the shoes are almost too comfortable and exacerbate a soreness in my foot that doesn’t exist when I wear other shoes.  It’s as if these old shoes carry the old pain with me.  And I have a realization, its time to let go.  For to continue wearing these shoes, will only further hurt my feet.  When I looked at the bottoms, they are starting to lose their traction, perhaps allowing a slip to occur.  And I realize the more I hold onto and wear these shoes, its keeping me from wearing all the shoes in my closet waiting to have experiences. And so with that, I say thank you to the teal birkenstocks. And slip my feet into a pair of pink Havana slide ons to geret the afternoon ocean. Let’s see what is next in store.

It’s the small moments

24 Apr 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags:

It was often in small moments that significant things were revealed.

Lisa Kleypas

            Prior to preparing for my morning’s errands, I journaled on my couch, under cozy blankets. I had the feeling emerge of missing my dogs, who laid next to me and kept my company for a span of 18 years.  Their absence and the silence in the home is heavy, and has taken time to adjust to.

I opted to watch several videos I saved on my phone during the pandemic of these two special fur beings.  The videos that I was seeking were not special outings to elaborate places or times I dressed my dogs in hilarious clothes.  What I searched for today were videos of them just napping on blankets in the sun or in between my legs on the same couch I was sitting on now.   I had a video of Bella grooming her, brother Puzo, offering motherly love as she licked and cleaned his eyelids and ears.  It was the hours of down time we spent cuddling that I miss the most.  In those small moments, years of love have been built.

Today was the first day I didn’t cry since Bella died over 6 weeks ago, when watching images of her and Puzo. I was able to extend and appreciate the warmth of those moments now.  I couldn’t help but wonder did I offer them enough love while they were here? Did I show appreciation for the loyal beingness in my life? Did they know how much they meant to me? But I calmed down my grieving heart, and knew by the way they would gaze at me, they appreciated all I shared. They loved the trips we explored, the walks we went on, the countries we lived in, the treats I gave them.  But what I think they loved the most was the small moments we spent on the couch, sleeping, dreaming, and napping in the sun.

Sharing Popcorn

18 Apr 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

            As I go through my belongings and pack for yet another move, I found this tin box that says “Make your own magic.”  Inside exists a little bit of old popcorn.  No, they are not the buttered old kernels that get stuck in your teeth.  This popcorn is something else.   

            Years ago, I attended a workshop led by the infamous author, screenwriter, and teacher Julia Cameron.  She was leading an immersive training on one of her most notable projects: The Artist Way.  This event focused on how one can reconnect or jumpstart their creativity.  There are writing exercises, self-reflective activities, and within a group one can expect sharing.  When this is taught in a group, one thing she had us do was share popcorn.  Popcorn are little wishes, blessings, or compliments one offers other members of the group. She used the metaphor of popcorn, because these statements are quick, joyful, spontaneous, and delicious.  Even if one is a stranger, you must write a positive fortune for this individual.  You can be as creative as you like.

            The 12 Week Artist Way is a project I not only finished, but led many groups over the years.  And sometimes I bring out the popcorn exercise.  In this little tin box, I’ve kept some of these popcorns I have received.  I know if I am feeling down, I can go into this box. 

One I received said: “Your radiate a warmth and calm energy, that feels like it’s about to have a breakthrough.” Another said “Your kind and open heart will always guide you, as your strong connection to your spiritual center. Let this be the sole guide for your life and never ever let this go for anything or anyone.”

            It’s interesting the things we choose to keep over the years.  I move frequently, and have donated, discarded, or upcycled many things.  This little popcorn box is still quite special to me.  I hope you have something like this among your precious belongings.

Old Shoes

11 Apr 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Walking on Sunset Boulevard in Silverlake with a group of friends on Saturday, a stranger approached me and said “you need new shoes.”  I was surprised at her comment.  We had just finished a delightful meal at a local Thai establishment, after sharing our updated goals for the year and ways we would be accountable to each other.  I opted to wear a pair of white sandals that were made by Minnesota Moccasin company, that had turquoise embellishments.  These were sandals I loved in theory but I wasn’t ready to let go of them.  I wanted to “wear them to the ground,” to know I got the full use out of them.

            “They are not fitting right on you.  You need new shoes.  I need new shoes too.”  My friends looked at her with a sense of curiosity in their faces, as she walked by.  All were wondering was she was trying to sell me shoes?  This was Sunset Boulevard after all.  As she strolled by us, another woman began stating out loud with her dog “We are on Sunset on a Saturday night.” Was she livestreaming on a social media site?  Nope, she was just in the midst of a psychotic episode.  

As we reflected on both of these two women juxtaposed to each other, we walked up a little hill.   A helicopter circled around us.  My friend opened up her neighbor app, which stated an armed individual was nearby.  We didn’t know what to do, keep walking, try to hide?  “Another night in Los Angeles,” one of my friends shared.   Was this a regular night?  A stranger telling you to get new shoes, a psychotic woman, a helicopter police chase, armed gunmen, and processing goals for one’s life with friends at a delicious restaurant.  Perhaps it was a typical day. It was a mixture of wonder, appreciation, fear, confusion, and joy.  This is life in today’s world, and it was playing out in our small atmosphere.

            “You need new shoes.”  Despite all that happened, this was the comment that stayed with me for the rest of the weekend.  Perhaps this woman was right.  Why was I holding onto old shoes trying to get the most use out of them? The fact was the more I used these particular shoes, the less I could use all the other shoes in my closet.  I had more than enough shoes, I didn’t need new ones, I just needed to get rid of these.  And so later in the week, I did just that.  I not only got rid of this particular pair of shoes, but three other ones that were waiting to be given away.  I did it with pleasure, as I offered up space for me to see what I actually own and take joy in using my other belongings.

            This stranger’s comment served as a current lesson in my life.  How often do we take wisdom from strangers or a passerby’s comments?  There are textures to conversations, interpretations we can make from metaphorical statements.  I wasn’t just getting rid of shoes, I was getting rid of that which I have overgrown and that which doesn’t serve me.  I was creating space in my life to welcome in the beauty that already exists.

Shift in Values

21 Mar 2025 3 Comments

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

            For the past several years, my number one value was my dog Bella.  Ever since my other dog Puzo died at 15 years, she was my priority.  We spent two years living the retired life together in France and Spain.  Bella accompanied me on my lap in cafes, bars, and the parks.  When her legs and paws became tired, I carried her like a baby, to ensure she had prime sunshine on her face.  In the past year, when I had to return to work, I purchased a condo five minutes from work in order to maximize time with her.  My lunch breaks I rushed home to take her out, eat with her, and return home to go on leisurely walks on the beach, ports, or her the local pet shop.  When I had dates or visited with friends, I often asked if Bella could accompany us.  I included Bella wherever possible in numerous facets of my life. 

            And now she’s gone.  Nearly 16 years to the day we found each other in a California park near sunset, she left this earth.  I’ve been a pet mom for 18 years, placing their lives as my number one value as I navigated relationships, jobs, and moves.  We moved back and forth to California several times, including extended time in Hawaii, the United Kingdom, Paris, and Spain.  As I accepted work positions, there was no question if they would be with me.  Their presence was a solid yes. 

            The question that arises now that her and Puzo are gone, is what are my values at this point? How will I make the choices in my life now that my fur companions are gone? What will be number one at this time in my life?

            Oftentimes there’s a dramatic shift in our life that occurs: a death, relationship ending, graduation, health crisis, monumental birthday, or job loss.  We are left with the question, now that this identity is no longer in my life, who am I? How do I want to be? And now the transformative journey begins… I have so much more to share about her impact in my life, but for now with this hole I am curious how to navigate the world without her?

            It’s scary, exciting, and nerve wracking. The unknown.  It’s life.

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