Awe and Wonder

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”- Albert Einstein

This past weekend I went to an Awe & Wonder Retreat, 3 days 2 nights retreat to Esalen, led by Dacher Keltner.  I didn’t know what I was getting into when I signed up, I simply wanted to go to Esalen.  Every retreat listed seemed to be filled with inspiration, as Esalen’s focus has been on the intersection on philosophy, spirituality, and psychology.  My friend Gretchen told me the other day that one of her life goals is to go to Esalen, and that there are two things that stir her with passion and excitement in this world: love and the programs at Esalen.  I could not agree more.  Yet, I chose the right program to attend, it was exactly what my soul needed at this moment in time. 

Dacher shared the 8 aspects of wonder which include: Mystical Experience/Spirituality, Moral Beauty (Kindness and Courage we witness in others), Visual Design, Music, Collective Effervescence (what we experience in concerts or sporting events), Life and Death, Nature, Big Ideas. Through focusing on awe and wonder several times a week, we can decrease loneliness, depression, and increase a sense of gratitude.  Although Dacher is a social psychologist, that has studied happiness, has consulted with Pixar for the films Inside Out and Soul, and helped create the emojis for Facebook, he recently pivoted his work toward the concepts of Awe and Wonder. He chose to do this after his brother Rolf died of colon cancer.  There was so much grief there as he reflected the totality of the experiences around the world together over decades, but also with this was a sense of awe for the life cycle.  He knew he could emerge from this grief from studying and focusing on awe. 

Throughout the workshop we learned about the research of Awe and Wonder, completed experiential exercises collectively or in small groups, and processed what was arising internally through reflective writing exercises and contemplation.  The group that consisted of 33 people of all different ages cried together, smiled, laughed, and shared about experiences of bliss, wonder, and grief.  The concept of awe and wonder seemed so simple, this is something we used to relish in as children, and at times when we are mindful.  Yet it is so poignant.  Over the past fifteen years, I have a daily practice of gratitude, but I admit at times it can get stale.  Adding one reflection of what brought me wonder could enrich this each night.  I realize that my Instagram posts (amodernpilgrimage) is to pivot and remind others of the sacred places in the world, sacred moments, and the sacredness in oneself also point to the sense of awe and wonder.

On the 6 ½ hour drive up to Esalen, we listened to the entire soundtrack of Hamilton.  My friend had never heard of it, and has not been exposed to many musicals in her life.  As I drove up the 101 North, I cried at parts of the songs that always seem to touch me.  That musicals seems to express the vastness of emotions we have and the rawness of the human experience.  This is why I love this creation so much, and I realized it was a wonderful introduction to the Awe and Wonder weekend.  Oftentimes, when I am so moved by something, whether this is a piece of art, writing, song, interaction with a stranger, or a beautiful landscape I want to share this.  I yearn for this peak emotion of Awe, which is easily accessible to us. 

For the research of the book, the following question was asked to thousands of people from nearly 30 countries :

What is an experience of awe that you have had, when you encountered a vast mystery that transcends your understanding of the world?

From this, the 8 wonders of life were created.  And so I encourage you today to reflect on this question, share this question with a friend, acquaintance or even a stranger.  Let it land on you and allow yourself to linger on the beauty of reflection and conversation.

Retreats

Somehow I have learned to feel at home on a retreat, regardless of the location. I know how it works.  There is a sense of familiarity in that you are going to be asked to connect with the collective present, with oneself, and hopefully nature.  Space will be available for silence and processing, after being pushed out of your comfort box.  Opportunities for reflection walks and moments alone journaling are abundant.

Limited time is given to post on social media or check your emails. Your daily busy routines are interrupted by a long pause.  One slows down and cannot escape oneself, and all the moments for awe and wonder arise.  It doesn’t matter where the retreat setting is:    on a mountain top in the chill rich autumn months, on the beach on a hot summer day, next to the ocean in a natural spring bath during the fluctuating weather of spring.  If you listen, sacredness is present.

But even though I know the structure of what may arise at a retreat, there’s always some element of surprise. There is a new piece of information I hear that I cannot wait to share with a loved one, or something that is unravelled that you discover about yourself. Or the essence of the land becomes embedded in your bones, and there is a vow to return to this exact healing place again.

Retreats nourish our bodies, souls, and minds. They cradle our overworked bodies, while providing a nook to sleep in, and satiate your belly with delicious healthy cuisine.  And somehow for a moment, we feel satisfied with what is in the human experience.  The joys we celebrate, sorrows we grieve, mysteries that unfold, and the sublime feeling that lingers.

Like the ocean waves that hit the rocks and sway back to source, there is a natural rhythm present, a push and pull that’s gravitational.  Nothing shall be feared if one surrenders to the creative process that one is immersed in.  Retreats call us back to ourselves.  That inner self that is unique and yet the same as everyone else.  Perhaps this is what Jospeh Campbell meant when he said “Follow Your Bliss,” as he returned to the Esalen retreat center annually for his birthday.  Someone who studied mythology and cultures from around the world when travel was limited and met with some of the greatest minds and artists of his time, chose to return to a retreat center in Big Sur California each year to honor his birth.

Magic happens at retreat centers that is ineffable, and it is my hope you grant yourself this gift. Perhaps it will be once, but I have a feeling if you are moved as much as Joseph Campbell and I, you will be called to return annually to come home to yourself.

Paying Attention

I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams. -William Butler Yeats

            This morning, while taking out my dog for her morning walk, I stepped on a snail.  This was not on purpose. I am usually so careful of where I am stepping.  It’s at this early hour where I watch the snails go from the grassy area over the sidewalk to the bushes.  This is the only time of day I observe them in my neighborhood inching around.  But today I wasn’t paying attention to where my feet were walking and I heard a crunch.  Automatically I felt quite bad, how was I not more mindful at this moment? Where was my head?

            Instead of ruminating on what I didn’t do, I could focus on what I can do for the future: PAY ATTENTION.

            I also began to think of the metaphor of treading softly.  How often do we hurt others with unkind words or a lack of support in people following their dreams or goals? Our one disapproving comment could stick with them.  A person told me yesterday, how the comment “there are no stupid questions” he once believed this, but once when he asked a question in a setting and the person answering belittled him and reminded him this was a stupid question.  “It only was once, but it stuck with me.”  This sheltered this person’s sense of curiosity or ability to trust others, for fear they will be judged. 

            How often do we do this to ourselves as well? Make negative statements to ourselves, show a disregard and negativity to our own aspirational pursuits.  We are harming our own dreams.

            Therefore, pay attention to the words you express towards yourself or others, “tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”

Quarterly Goal Check In

            The first quarter of the year has completed, and one of the goals I kept is not buying any clothing, shoes, or accessories for the entire year.  And somehow so far I have kept this up!  Has it been difficult?  Initially, yes.  In January, I went to the visiting art exhibit Luna Luna, which was a display of carnival art pieces from the likes of Keith Haring, Salvador Dali, Jean Michel Basquiat.  Of course, I wanted something to remember this exhibit by or prove I was there, and what better way to do this than a tee shirt or sweatshirt?  But I turned it down.  Another time, I went into a clothing store on a rainy day, as I waited for my Tesla to charge.  I saw a white tee shirt that simply said the French word for yes “Oui.”  I wanted it.  I love simple tee shirts to wear for a season that goes with everything, but I knew buying this would be a slippery slope.  If I made an excuse to purchase this, I would make an excuse to purchase other things.  And I stuck to my goal. 

            Now it’s cloudy day in April, and as I walked Bella this morning along the seaside before the rain sprinkled, wearing my Dubai hat and an Mtv vintaged style tee shirt from Spain, yoga pants and socks from the UK, and my New Balances from America, I thought I love the clothes I do have.  They tell stories about me , where I’ve come from, who I was, and who I am.  If I allow myself the space of not adding more to my closet but simply using it, I can find joy in that which already exists in there.  It’s a different type of appreciation I didn’t expect.  It’s true that when we buy new items of clothing we want to “premiere” them and show them off, but when there are things that are loved that are rotated in and out, it brings a smile to my face.

            There are other goals I am shooting to accomplish, but for some reason this one has been prominent and a priority. And it’s tangible.  There are values I am living by which include, spending time with my dog Bella, my family, and friends. I’ve been reading more than expected, which includes physical books and audio books. Sharing what is learned, going to conferences that expand my mind.  But this small going of not buying clothes or shoes for one year is proving to be more fruitful than imagined.  I am not adding anything to my life, or subtracting.  I am maintaining, appreciating, and expanding. 

29 Gifts

“When I am in service to another person, I am moving from a place of self-centeredness to selflessness. The act of giving inherently carries gratitude in it. For me, it is impossible to give without feeling grateful.” 
― Cami Walker, 29 Gifts: How a Month of Giving Can Change Your Life

During the past several weeks, I finished the book 29 Gifts by Cami Walker.  The self help memoir begins with the author sharing the struggles of the debilitating disease of multiple sclerosis.  The disease has progressed exponentially fast, and she had gotten to the point where she could not prepare a salad for herself or her husband, engage in her freelance job as a web consultant, and it was difficult to walk even short distances without the struggle of leaning on her husband.   The author was 30 something years old and shared her difficulties with a friend, who was a healer from South Africa. This woman told her to give gifts for 29 days.  At first Cami was in shock and hesitant how this would work.  She felt her troubles were so overwhelming she did not have the capacity to give.  But she tried. And she began to see changes.  Energy increased, mood improved, her walking ability, and job opportunities came up.  She also learned that by truly giving, she also was learning how to receive. With the changes she was witnessing, she started a movement, by encouraging friends and others via a blog to do the same thing.

And I thought I would do the same. 

I’m currently in the midst of this, giving gifts for 29 days.  I took inspiration from the book, and began to see that gifts includes tangible presents, but it’s more than that.  Gifts are quality time, donations, advice, food, flowers, pet rubs.  The rules are one must be intentional as one gives with a mantra “I give with grace” or “I give with abundance.” Use whatever phrase fits you.  Reflect via a journal what arises for you.  And one day even buy food for a homeless person, in addition giving them a specific amount of money (in the book it was $7).  And I am seeing small shifts. 

What are the types of things I have been giving? I have donated to an international children’s charity, a pet charity, I’ve baked goods for my colleagues twice and friends.  In addition, I have offered classes with a full heart, although I knew there would not be much compensation in return for belly dance, yoga, and meditation. I’ve offered prayers, offering to pay for food or drinks for friends and families, leftover magazines for a colleague to do her vision board.  I’ve bought future hotel stays for friends, we would be doing together. I’ve let people go in front of me in line.  I’ve offered positive quote cards or memes to friends that were sad.  I’ve offered the gift of honesty to someone I was dating that it wasn’t working out.  It’s been a wide variety of ways I’ve given gifts, and I am reminded in the past I used to give freely. 

As I completed this 29 day gift challenge, there was validation that I had once given freely to others and often.  But eventually, I feel people have taken advantage of that, and I have closed my heart. Why give when it was not appreciated?  In doing that, maybe I’ve shifted how the law of attraction works.

On the other hand, what have I received? I have attained two scholarships I applied for: one for a warrior at ease level 2 yoga training (focusing on trauma) and one to Esalen. Initially I noticed there was an uptick in men I was dating, although numbers don’t mean anything, it was refreshing. I observed one day I donated $5 and was granted a $5 coupon to use within 20 minutes, the law of energetic exchange works quickly. I received unexpected gifts from friends, it wasn’t a holiday or my birthday.  I received a galentine’s gift and a collection of gifts from a fellow wanderluster’s travels.  One must give without the expectation of receiving, but if one gives from his/her full heart, it’s reciprocal.  It may not be in the exact same manner but it returns. 

And now I offer this blog as a gift to you.  As a challenge for you to try the 29 Day Gift Challege.  Give freely, and see what arises.

To find out more, check out this site:

http://www.29gifts.org/

Boredom Breeds Creativity

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.-Ellen Parr, graphic designer

Things haven’t worked out as planned.  This was a three day weekend that we had planned for my friends to come over and have a vision board party.  We set the date on the calendar for weeks, I cleaned the house, ordered a pull out couch to be delivered on time, made gluten free brownies, and bought the right kind of alternative milk and gluten free bread for our weekend breakfasts.   Yet things didn’t work out, as a friend’s boyfriend got Covid and she then proceeded to get sick. As precaution, she didn’t come and due to rain warnings with potential mudslide warnings the other friends didn’t come as well.  This is post pandemic life.   I admit, initially I was highly frustrated.  Now that I have a fully time job, these holiday weekends are sparse, and I planned each with intention and purpose.  But things don’t always go as we plan. Automatically, I had the urge to come up with backup plans, which included trying to  attend a sound healing in Santa Barbara that would be held in a salt cave.  I called the healing center, but it was sold out.  I could go on a whale watching tour alone, but was weary with the high waves and potential storm brewing. 

I was fearing frustration and boredom.  I wanted to feel I did something for the weekend, that it meant something and it was worthy of a day off.   I was doomed to spend several days at home, with no friends, no dates, no plans.  And therefore, I was bored. 

Yes, I know this sounds totally dramatic.

I recognized in that moment I had options on what to do or how to think.  I could get angry and ruminate on the idea that I can never count on others for plans and view all Californians as flakes, including my friends.  I could go to LA and find something to do, dependent on my brother’s plans. I could binge on Netflix shows.  Take extended naps.  Shop (although I was not buying any clothing or shoes this year).  Explore nature.  Engage in creative activities. 

And in the multitude of thoughts arising, I could reframe it all and view this as a gift.  I had my weekends planned out for the next several weeks, including a pending trip to Seattle next weekend.  This cancellation of plans doesn’t have to equate with stress and frustration.   It could be a blessing, an opportunity for time affluence and abundance.

So my weekend consisted of a variety of these things.  Preparing my tax documents for my accountant, catching up with friends on the phone, making new ethnic dishes, taking walks on the beach, preparing for my bellydance classes that I will be teaching soon, reading, watching a Netflix movie in entirety in one sitting (generally this takes several days or one week for me to complete a film), and a little blogging. In addition, I was able to do some crafts with material I gathered from the beach.

In the past I wanted my weekends to be “fun” and worthy of catch up stories to my friends and co-workers.  But there is value in life being enriched with doing nothing.  With crating crafts or simply engaging in your favorite hobbies, or even resting.  There is no prize for who has the most unique plans or most busy weekend.  There’s joy in simple satisfaction and contentment, even if it involves simply going to the local beach with my 15 year old dog to walk barefoot in the sand and watch the waves and the local surfers. 

As John Lennon  once said, “life is what happens when you are busy making plans.”

C’est la vie, this is life.

Curry

Earlier today I was in a checkout line at a Filipino grocery store.  My purchases were small but intentional: a ten pound bag of Thai Jasmine rice, Chinese Mabo Tofu mix,Vietnamese  Pho noodles, pad Thai sauce, Japanese udon noodles, some local vegetables, and a packet of Korean curry. The young cashier who was checking me out on the register said to me, “I have one question, what is curry?” 

I looked at her in amazement, I assumed everyone who worked at the store was Filipino or some type of Asian, but she appeared to be Mexican American.  I proceeded to summarize curry as a type of stew “It’s a stew that adds flavor to your veggies and meats.”  I was so astonished that someone didn’t know what a curry was, and I was wondering if I was offering a poor answer to this question.  “This is a Korean curry, but there are Japanese curries, Thai curries, Indian curries, so many kinds.”  She was open to admitting her lack of knowledge on the subject.  “I want to start experimenting and try cooking new dishes.  I tried the Filipino curry, and so I was wondering about this curry.”  I was curious what dish she was talking about, as Filipinos technically don’t have curries, or maybe I didn’t view it in that way. Was it adobo, kare kare, or caldereta? I didn’t want to keep up the line, but offered her a “thank you and good luck with your curries.” 

I wondered if my definition excited or deterred her from curry.  There was so much more to say about it, but I was caught off guard. And yet in that moment, I appreciated this stranger’s sincere honesty and willingness to seek more knowledge.  I also was in awe of the fact that we were in California in an area full of diversity, in which we can learn, understand, and appreciate things from each culture.  My $33 spent on groceries was an abundance of Asian wealth from a variety of countries.  We take that for granted these days, but in the moment I was appreciative of the global education we all can offer each other while in line at an ethnic grocery store.

Hidden Acts of Kindness

I am lounging in Caje Café in Santa Barbara, a Spanish style coffee shop that sits across the Alrington Theater.  It’s happenstance that I’m here during the Santa Barbara Film Festival in front of a premiere.  People are lined up to see the stars walk down the red carpet before entering the theater. 

The café drew me in not because of it’s proximity to this event but because of the beauty of the courtyard.  After leaving Andalucia in December, I was missing the outdoor beauty of Spanish life, and longed to be close to a beautiful fountain and greenery.  There were young college students at the café, in addition to yuppies, dog owners, and fellow book lovers who sprawled out in the sun and read their next chapter.  There was also a man who appeared to be struggling with mental health issues, potentially homeless, walking up to various customers muttering to himself, before he was kicked out. 

I sat in the outdoor café and wrote, once in awhile peaking on what was going on around me.  The music was quiet and chill, it was a simple Sunday afternoon.  But then I heard loud screams coming from the street. Me along with many of the customers stepped out of the café’s white entrance to sneak a peak.  The main star arrived.  Billie Eilish’s van pulled up and she was about to enter the festival. The screams were loud, fans stood on their tip toes to see above the crowd to get a view above other fans who were holding up her most recent record.  She briefly stopped to shake fans’ hands and was interviewed by the press before heading into the theater.

 I went back into the café, whose background music was promptly changed from soft mellow tunes to a loud Billie Eilish song.  As I walked in, so did the man with mental health issues.  He was running behind the screaming crowd and proceeded to run back into the café, making fellow patrons squeamish.  A woman came up to him, and asked what was wrong.  I wasn’t close enough to hear the words he was muttering on repeat.  He was distraught and upset.  She held his hand and slowed down her breathing. Gentle loud exhales to decrease his nervous system, as she did this she repeated to him “you are safe.”  She continued to check what he needed at that moment, and offered to get him water as he sat down.  The fellow staff member who kicked him out minutes earlier, came by to check. 

This female courageous customer was handling the situation.  She was calming this stranger down, when everyone else backed away.  He was shaken by the loud screams for Billie Eilish and was unaware of what was going on. 

As I watch this all unfold, I thought of the irony of the situation.  This woman was the real rock star here.  Yes, artists and musicians help express our emotions and get us through difficult times in our lives through their creative works.  Everyone surrounded the theater to welcome her entrance to the event.  But at a café across the street, a woman was in the everyday trenches, offering a moment of tangible calm support to a stranger that was viewed by others as untouchable. She was not paid for this act, and nobody else said anything to her for this to be recognized as profound and strong. 

I offered her one of these Puzo Bella cards (which you may have received, which is why you may be reading this blog).  I wanted to tell her I noticed her and wanted to thank her for helping a stranger.  For some reason as I did this, I wanted to cry.  In that moment, she had this superhero strength of compassion of a saint.  And I wanted her to know it was seen and appreciated.  There’s so much to be seen and admired in this world, and it’s not only things that are of material wealth.  It’s these everyday moments that are full of rich individuals, simply helping a stranger.

Observations

I watch my brother carefully measure out the espresso beans, the ratio and weight to what is needed for each latte he serves himself, his girlfriend and me.  The attention to detail with how he foams the alternative milks for each of our drinks.

I see his girlfriend delicately pouring hot soy wax into rose fondant shapes for the bespoke candles she is gifting a small group of loved ones.  Colors chosen linked to their astrological signs. 

I watch my friend online who is tired, after seeing 25 patients this week for therapy, lend a supportive ear, as I share my latest dilemma giving the week’s play by play.

My fifteen year old dog places her paw on me, displaying her affection, and falls asleep with her paw on my lap.

I saw a female empowerment poster with strong historical women in a friend’s home. He shares  how he teaches his young boys about these women’s accomplishments and vacillates these mini bios between talks on mindfulness, encouraging them to be feminists in their upbringing.

I observe the care exhibited in each of these moments.  All are offerings of love.  In each instance, no act was done with an expectation of anything in return.  Nobody was doing these things for a financial transaction or a hope to be discovered.   It was simply an expression of love or sharing of a skill. Non-attachment.

It makes me wonder, where have I gone wrong?  Have I kept tabs in how I display love? After years of giving, and running on empty, I needed time to replenish the drought of self-inflicted martyrdom.  Perhaps you can relate.  But in observing others give freely, it makes me wonder has that pause ended? After taking a break from the working world and being a solo nomad am I ready to give again, without expectation, and solely a pure heart? Time will tell.

Reflections of a Black Madonna Pilgrimage

“Because when they looked at her, it occurred to them for the first time in their lives that what’s divine can come in dark skin. You see, everybody needs a God who looks like them, Lily.”-Secret Life of Bees, Sue Monk Kidd

A PBS episode that recently aired that highlighted the beauty of the Black Madonna in Italy.  It was a great refresher in having the emotions stirred within about the essence of pilgrimage. Earlier this summer, I went on a pilgrimage with Alessandra Belloni (featured in the PBS special) to visit multiple Black Madonnas in Italy.  It was beautiful to witness the devotees that pray, sing, and dance to Her.  I observed people having a 1:1 relationship with Her, and it was a reflection of the potential of my relationship with Her.

I’ve been living in America the past six weeks, one hour outside of Los Angeles.  Although it is not a busy town, there’s still a fast pace to the American lifestyle of capitalism, consumerism, and hustling to survive.  I am surrounded by people who are talking of the struggles of surviving, let alone thriving.  It’s easy to lose focus of your values, when you are staying so busy simply to keep up.  But watching this episode was a reminder of how my life was earlier this year.  There is an importance of slowing down and dropping into the sacred.  This is what pilgrimage does.

We may not be able to be on pilgrimage all year.  And I’m curious that high could be sustained if it was perpetual.  Perhaps we need moments from the peak to recognize the importance and beauty of the sacred.  The return in our everyday lives is the challenge to sustain the transformation felt within on pilgrimage, while at home. We may no longer be surrounded by fellow pilgrims, holy shrines, or celebrations that ignite a sense of awe, but can the power of the pilgrimage outshine the monotony and stressors of regular life>  Can we stay moved and uplifted, although people around us may want to complain of everyday sorrows?

This is the challenge.

The two, the hero and his ultimate god, the seeker and the found, are thus understood as the outside and the inside of a single, self-mirrored mystery, which is identical with the mystery of the manifest world. The great deed of the supreme hero is to come to the knowledge of this unity in multiplicity and then to make it know.-Joseph Campbell

https://www.pbs.org/video/the-black-madonna-with-marisa-tomei-oACFDQ/

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