Reciprocal Nourishment

27 Aug 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

            “Is this your first time at Esalen,” the gatekeeper asked, as I was checking in. 

            “No, it’s my fourth, but first time volunteering.”  I responded.

            The gatekeeper proceeded to describe property rules and protocol for my day at Esalen.  I’ve attended three retreats at this Big Sur property in the past 15 months, nourishing my soul at times of change. I had the urge to return, but didn’t have the time to allot to a full retreat, therefore a day dose would have to suffice.  Volunteers get nearly 12 hours to use the facility. 

            I kept this in mind as I left my home at 6am, but with traffic, and a stop to fill my car, I didn’t make it to Esalen until after 10:00.  I put positive thoughts in the universe my desire for leftover breakfast and a spot to charge my car, and surprisingly both were available to me on arrival.  I was lucky for scraps, as breakfast ended at 930.  I needed food in my body, because my shift started when lunch would be served.

            Retreats sell out at Esalen, and as I checked the website, so do volunteer slots.  Available slots are posted two weeks early, and are quickly nabbed up.  Everyone wants an opportunity to experience the land, the thermal baths, and the healing space Esalen has to offer. So I felt relieved when I landed a spot. I had hopes to share this with my partner, but he cancelled the week prior due to a conflict in schedule, and we broke up yesterday. So, here I was ready to volunteer solo on what I thought would be a joint venture.

            My two hours of free time before check in included writing as I looked out the cliffs of the Pacific Ocean, laying in the gardens, and glancing at the available books in the bookstore.   Time passed quickly, I moved my car, parked far away as requested and went to check in for my volunteer shift to begin. 

            “I want you to get lunch first, then start your shift for me.”  My shoulders and nervous system relaxed.  The volunteer attendant wanted to ensure I was nourished before I prepared food for others.  What a beautiful thing.  My body needed nourishment, after a break up, and long solo road trip.

            My three hours in the kitchen served as a meditation, as I cut up zucchini with repetition.  Everyone was in their zone of allotted tasks to do.  Another staff member, asked how I was doing and if I needed water.  She grabbed water for me in a large plastic container.  Once again another stranger was nourishing me. Time passed as I swept the kitchen with a broom, peeled off stickers from plums, and washed these fruits for others.  And just like that, my shift was over.

            For the next 75 minutes I relaxed in the thermal baths, naked as everyone else was.  We watched otters play in the water, one even shared her binocolars with the collective.  Each time I go to the thermal baths, I cant help but think we stepped outside of Big Sur California and into ancient Greek times.  Perhaps we are our own gods and goddesses who deserve a break from daily modern life.

            This is my first time I volunteered at Esalen, and I know it won’t be my last.  Perhaps in the future it may be more than cutting vegetables, perhaps a sound bath I will lead or a workshop.  But for now this is good, I appreciate the mutual nourishment in what this place offers me.  I have gratitude to the land, and the ancestors and protectors of the land the Esselen tribe. Thank you for holding me, nourishing me, and I hope in some way I can serve you.

            I’m curious how there is reciprocal nourishment in your life? Whether that is through people, pets, or places?

Ceremony and Ritual

19 Aug 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Earlier this year, my friend Lisa bought for my birthday a special necklace. Yet prior to putting it on my neck, she encouraged me to have a ceremony surrounding it.  Because it wasn’t just any necklace. The script was written in the language that pre-dates the Filipino language of Tagalog, before colonization Babayin.  The word is powerful: FREEDOM.

Although my birthday was months ago, I have not felt the time was right to wear it.  I tried a ceremony on the afternoon of a full moon last month.  I walked five minutes from my home to the sand, and into the ocean, and held this in my hand thinking of intentions. But it wasn’t time to wear it yet, and I let time pass. 

Yet something shifted this month.  It was the day after I paid off my credit cards (which had built up after moving back to America). There was a sense of freedom that emerged: financial freedom. And I knew it was time to do a ceremony for the necklace and finally wear it.

Yesterday morning, I walked towards the beach, but this time I stopped and saw mini labyrinth lay before me.  It was in the shape of a snake, a reminder of transformation lay before me. I placed my necklace in the center, along with palo santo and a lighter.  I slowly walked toward the center of the snake’s mouth, and when I reached it I picked up these items and cleansed the necklace. Now was the time to place it on my neck.

And maybe somehow a shift was made.

Today is the second day I am wearing the necklace, a stranger in line at the coffee shop gave me a compliment to my necklace.  She queried if it was in Hebrew, and what it meant. I told her it was “Freedom” in the Filipino script language before colonization.  She found it intriguing, and shared it with her husband next to her.

There was power in sharing the story, in simply telling this stranger about my necklace. It serves as a reminder there is intentional choice and strength in what we wear and the narrative we share behind that. Everyday is an opportunity to make a statement in what we stand for.