Shift in Values

21 Mar 2025 3 Comments

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

            For the past several years, my number one value was my dog Bella.  Ever since my other dog Puzo died at 15 years, she was my priority.  We spent two years living the retired life together in France and Spain.  Bella accompanied me on my lap in cafes, bars, and the parks.  When her legs and paws became tired, I carried her like a baby, to ensure she had prime sunshine on her face.  In the past year, when I had to return to work, I purchased a condo five minutes from work in order to maximize time with her.  My lunch breaks I rushed home to take her out, eat with her, and return home to go on leisurely walks on the beach, ports, or her the local pet shop.  When I had dates or visited with friends, I often asked if Bella could accompany us.  I included Bella wherever possible in numerous facets of my life. 

            And now she’s gone.  Nearly 16 years to the day we found each other in a California park near sunset, she left this earth.  I’ve been a pet mom for 18 years, placing their lives as my number one value as I navigated relationships, jobs, and moves.  We moved back and forth to California several times, including extended time in Hawaii, the United Kingdom, Paris, and Spain.  As I accepted work positions, there was no question if they would be with me.  Their presence was a solid yes. 

            The question that arises now that her and Puzo are gone, is what are my values at this point? How will I make the choices in my life now that my fur companions are gone? What will be number one at this time in my life?

            Oftentimes there’s a dramatic shift in our life that occurs: a death, relationship ending, graduation, health crisis, monumental birthday, or job loss.  We are left with the question, now that this identity is no longer in my life, who am I? How do I want to be? And now the transformative journey begins… I have so much more to share about her impact in my life, but for now with this hole I am curious how to navigate the world without her?

            It’s scary, exciting, and nerve wracking. The unknown.  It’s life.

The Time Changed

10 Mar 2025 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

I woke up this morning having a dream that my mother and I had an argument about time. I felt she was wasting it, being slow in her movements, when we had a long road trip to get to. She is retired and luxuriates in time, I felt I didn’t have enough of it. In the dream, I wanted to rush her to and make the most of it.

This dream made sense at this particular moment, it was the evening the clocks sprung forward.

 I woke up earlier than my roommates and was not clear of time. We were at a retreat center with limited cell service and wifi in the cabins.  It was completely dark outside, I looked at my phone and wondered was it really 545 am?  Would my cell phone change without service? Could I trust time, feeling as if I didn’t have enough?

But the truth is (at least for me on retreats) time stretches and expands while one is away from her everyday demands. And so what is time?

Time’s been on my mind, as I have clients in other countries at the moment, where the time does not change.  The past week trying to coordinate schedules blew my mind, what time tomorrow would it be for them when we spoke today for me?   As I reflect on time, I want a different job so I can have more time off, because as a full time salaried employee someone controls the amount of time I can use leisurely and who determines how my sick time shall be used, even if I want to focus more on wellness. I long for time abundance rather than time scarcity.

I woke up with a sore throat and thought to make better use of my morning.  Instead of worrying about time, I would do something with it.  

I opted to walk to the lounge area and have some tea, another retreat attendee noted how early I was up, and he was the same.  He continued to compare this time, to time back home.  Another woman asked for the time, and a man stated the time was near sunset.  He didn’t know because he had pre-coffee brain.  Time was on all of our minds. 

At the moment, I could luxuriate in it.  And I did

Initially as I walked towards the baths at 6ish I saw tiny paw prints on the staircase.  I wasn’t sure what animal may be joining me in the open baths, would it just be me and a racoon? A human couple left the baths, I saw no racoons, and felt at ease as I slid into the thermal baths. At Esalen, the baths are clothing optional.  In the darkness of the early day or evening, I do not mind being nude alone in the healing waters, listening to the ocean hit the rocks below.   And here time felt expansive. 

I sit in front of a tree overlooking a mountain, facing the direction of where the sun will be rising from, having a warm cup of coffee before yoga class begins.   At another point of my busy life, I may say that I beat time.  I was so productive before the sun said hello.   But time is not a thing to be beat. It’s something to be in partnership with, flow with. 

There’s a patter on the roof, I witness two racoons scoping out the landscape during their last moments of nocturnal activities.  Slowly they creep and disappear into the tree that I am observing.  Perhaps these were the racoons whose footprints I observed in the baths. Perhaps we are on the same schedule. They do not adhere to clocks and watches, but the movement of the sun and moon.  Yet, here we are together making the most of the time we have today.