The Collective Backyard

26 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized

            Earlier this year I bought a Tesla, which came with 6 free months of supercharging.  This was amazing, as I didn’t have to worry about where to charge my Tesla, or additional fees.  But in the past two weeks, this ended.  Although I can have paid for my charging, part of the search is finding free spots to charge up the Tesla.  There are 5 chargers in the local outdoor shopping mall called The Collection, but it’s competitive to get a slot and when you do, the charge is slow and time is limited.  But I’ve reframed this.

            This weekend I went to the Collection with my dog Bella, we grabbed a coffee, sat in the sun, walked in a little park, and I was able to spend time reading and writing.  Bella was able to spend her time people watching and napping in the sun.   This is our collective backyard.  My home has a shared yard, but it’s not for lounging spaces.  Yes, there are children who run around with water guns, but there’s nowhere to sit and read comfortably. And while Bella and I are recharging my Tesla, we’ve found a space to lounge in the sun and shade.   

            This is technically an outdoor mall, complete with shops and obligatory food court, but also a comedy venue, escape room, bowling alley, movie theater, and pottery center.  There’s a little water fountain and pools that house little turtles, a playground, at time mini concerts are performed.

            While living in Paris, I heard part of the reason the parks and cafes are full all year round is they function as Third Spaces.  Third Spaces are not our homes or work places, but an additional location where community can build.  In Paris, the apartments are quite small, unless you are lucky, it’s tough to have a gathering in your home.  They can occur in Third Spaces which can be bars, coffee shops, parks, yoga studios, or communal bookstores. 

            My intention is different at the moment, I am awaiting my car to be charged and not to form community.  But we also are being charged outside of the home, outside. I have nothing but space and time to write, read, and be present. And am grateful I have the luxury for this at the moment.

            How do you slow down? 

What places recharge you? 

What would you do with an extra 2-3 hours of free time?

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” – Anne Lamott.

Kindness of Neighbors

22 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Yesterday, as I was walking my dog, I saw a stray petit black dog. Automatically I was worried.  He had no collar and looked familiar, he looked like another neighbor’s dog.  The dog was located next to the house of a family who recently vacated the building.  I had heard horror stories about the family, who took the week to move out, and carelessly left belongings in the front and back of the home.  Did they leave their dog?  These were both black small dogs, would they have dared to leave him?  I have heard stories of people leaving their dogs leashed or unleashed when they move from homes, so the dogs would not find them, and the family could have a fresh start sans animal.  I was hoping it wasn’t the case. 

            Outside of a hello, I rarely talk to my neighbors, but I found myself purposefully asking neighbors closeby “was this the previous neighbors’ dog?” Both individuals I asked said no, stating this dog belonged to someone several blocks away.  One of these neighbors said she would walk the little black dog back home.  She had once found this same dog, and he escorted her to where he lived.  What an intelligent little thing, but why would owners let them loose on streets that could get busy at times?  She tried to nudge the little young black dog home, but he was playing with my older dog.  He was following us to my home, and to help the neighbor out, we all walked several blocks, and escorted this dog to his rightful home.  We found out he was a three year old boy named Scotty, whose owner was searching for him that afternoon. 

I had only met this elderly neighbor once.  She introduced herself (Rosie) and her dog (Phoebe), when we moved into the neighborhood.  She has had her dog, which is a terrier mix, for three years.  She had found her in the recycling bin years ago, right behind the condo complex.  Phoebe was difficult to get out of the bin, because she kept biting hands that were trying to save her out of fear. With multiple attempts and the assistance of her adult children, they got Phoebe out of the recycling bin.  They cleaned her up and created signs for those who may be missing a dog, nobody claimed her. Rosie realized that Phoebe may have been the pet of a homeless person, as the dog had a strong digestive issue, which appeared to be from drinking contaminated water.  Despite this, they fell in love with her and Phoebe has been in Rosie’s home for years.

Morale beauty is an aspect of awe which occurs when we witness or observe acts of kindness, courage, or strength in other humans that bring a sense of amazement and wonder to us.  I couldn’t help but feel this way for Rosie, who in small moments offers her kindness to these pets who enter her life. I’ve only interacted with her twice, and both times have amazed me.  As we walked little Scotty home, I couldn’t help but think this is what true neighbors did back in the day.  This is what community is, we offer support and watch to each other, and our pets.  

Who in your life brings a sense of awe for the morale beauty they exhibit? How can you offer kindness to a neighbor? Morale beauty isn’t always recognized on the news or talk shows, but it exists all around us if we have the space to look.

Thanks Rosie for the kindness you offer to our neighborhood, and the pets that enter our lives.

The Irony of Things

19 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

“Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like.” -Will Rogers, 1879.

            We spend so much of our lives acquiring things.  Part of being in capitalistic society, is we are brought up to believe that we should want the most beautiful house in the established neighborhood, in the city you want to live in, with a car that can take you to and from the hottest restaurants and shows. We buy bespoke belongings to fill our new homes, purses, jackets, and clothes to embody the style we wish to portray the world. And then something shifts.

            There is a point reached in our lives, where this starts to reverse.  We realize that our death is inevitable.  Some people die with all of their things, and their children or loved ones must begin to sort through it all.  I have heard stories from people close to me, who lost their parents, and now was left with the responsibility to sort and rid of the belongings in a home, and then eventually sell the home.  A burden is placed on others, and what was once sentimental is now trash. 

            Yet some are opting to explore this world of minimalism, prior to retirement.  How can we live more with less while we are alive?  It’s interesting, I am observing my mother as she is making plans with her husband to return to the Philippines in the next 3-5 years.  She is someone who is a bit of a luxury goods hoarder, a shopaholic that doesn’t know how to stop.  And now she is facing the reality that she must start to downsize. Sell those expensive purse collection she has been building to bring into the reality the life she truly wants. 

            There’s an irony that we spend so much of our lives in accumulation and building the tangible objects we own.  Then a point in life is reached, where the dial is switched and we begin to rid ourselves that of which was accumulated.  I couldn’t help but think, “Wouldn’t it have been easier to not go through this consumerism only to move towards minimalism?”  The process of desiring more and more leads us to remain in jobs that do not bring us joy or purpose, only to pay off that which exists in our homes. But maybe this is the learning experience we are meant to have in this lifetime. We are meant to discern what is most valuable to us, versus being sold and living in alignment to what society says we should want. So much of life is the unlearning of this all.

            “Simplify your closet by eliminating these 33 annoying things,” this was the title of an email I received this week by Courtney Carver author of Project 333.  For 3 months she chose to wear only 33 items in her closet, many people have embraced this project in their own lives.  But instead this email encouraged people to get rid of 33 things.  Self projects like this challenge us to see what is necessary in our lives.  It’s not just letting go of things, but not replacing them.  At the same time, its leaving space for opportunities, ideas, or simply a sense of openness to emerge.  I encourage each of us to look into our homes, and simply see what is truly needed, what can be discarded or donated, and notice what arises.  Rinse and repeat!

Sometimes it is what it is

15 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , ,

Yesterday morning, after I woke up and made a cup of chai tea, I spilled it on my furry slippers.  It was odd, but I thought nothing of it.  I was simply too tired. Before I got into the shower, I noticed brown on my slippers, and thought this was strange.   But it wasn’t until I got into the shower and washed my feet, particularly my right foot and saw something brown on there that wouldn’t come off.

            It wasn’t dog poop or any type of animal poop, as the smell was not strong.  But what was it? And why wouldn’t it come off? I began to analyze this.  It was on my right side of my body, linked with the masculine side, the logical industrious part of me.  Why had tea spilled on me, was I being warned that I should look at my feet?  Could it be that this was a metaphor that my life was really shitty and horrible, and I am amongst it at the moment?  Was it a positive sign I should borrow from other traditions, that if a bird poops on you, it means good luck.  It smelled like dead batteries or oil.  I didn’t know what to make of it.  I told my friend Isabella about this situation, and she said that growing up as a native Californian, it’s normal to step on tar on the beach.  These are remnants of oil washed on sand.  When I told her, I didn’t know how to analyze this in the meaning of my life, she said:

            “Sometimes you step on tar, and it’s just tar.”

            Or

            “Sometimes you just step in poop.”

            There may be no metaphorical or spiritual meaning to this, which is what I usually try to seek.  It is what it is, and that is okay.  It was a great reminder, that there are so many ways to view a situation: as a victim, from a spiritual perspective, analytical, metaphorical, or logical.  All could be possible, or it could just be literal. Choice is yours.

My First Pow Wow

09 Jun 2024 6 Comments

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , ,

Upon moving back to America six months ago, I became interested in learning more about the Indigenous culture here.  I’ve been a sound healer for several years, and know that there are aspects that borrow from indigenous traditions and healings.  I want to know more, and have gone to an in person workshop and taken a virtual course by indigenous healer Asha Frost.  But this is not enough, I want to expose myself more to the knowledge and traditions out there.

And so this weekend I went to my first pow wow, it was a small one held in Oxnard College. But it was beautiful.  People from various tribes came from different parts of California and the surrounding states.   There was aspects of ceremony and ritual, with sage burning, as communal drums played.  Traditional colorful attire worn and gourd dances were performed.  There were dances that honor various individuals in attendance whose family members donate money to on the ground, as they stand and dance behind them.  The money is picked up by another individual, afterwards often times the individual honored, then offers the money to the drummers and singers who played the entire time.  It was fascinating to witness the energy of money being performed in front of our very eyes. 

The emcee for the day was a veteran, and I was surprised to find many present were veterans, including two Vietnam vets. At one moment he stated, “During funerals we go to, there are 6-8 pallbearers.  What about in life?”  He further shared that we should not wait until our deaths to have 6-8 people carry us, depend on others while you are alive.  He reminded the crowd that we are all human and have our vices, but collectively we can help each other out.  He found this to be true for gourd dances. People have been cured of various ailments, particularly returning back from war through this collective dance. 

It was beautiful to witness generations of families are present sharing the lineage of wisdom passed through song and movement. I began to tear up seeing this display of support and hearing the loud strong hearty drum beat, as the drummers beat on one large drum in unison.  Seeing this beauty of culture displayed reminded me of the African drum circle I attended in New Orleans next to an ancient tree, where African Americans have been meeting Sundays since the time of slavery.  It was the one time of week they were allowed to collectively worship while their masters went to church. In both of these instances, I felt I time travelled and saw the ancestors and their kin playing the drums and dancing to demonstrate solidarity, freedom, and connection.

The longer I am in America, I’m trying to truly understand what this country is about.  What do we represent? What is freedom? Where did we come from?  Who are the ancestors of the land and all that inhabit it now? What can we learn from them? What wisdom can be gained from all that was lost and somehow saved through traditions such as this?

powwowDownload

“Or can you be like you, and reconnect to your own sacred Medicines? Your own beautiful ancestry? Your own power, presence, and brilliance? I see you wanting to. I see you aspiring to. I see you reconnecting. Can you be like you? As I reclaim and remember me. And then, we can finally walk in right relation to each other.” 
― Asha Frost, You Are the Medicine: 13 Moons of Indigenous Wisdom, Ancestral Connection, and Animal Spirit Guidance

Awe and Wonder

05 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.”- Albert Einstein

This past weekend I went to an Awe & Wonder Retreat, 3 days 2 nights retreat to Esalen, led by Dacher Keltner.  I didn’t know what I was getting into when I signed up, I simply wanted to go to Esalen.  Every retreat listed seemed to be filled with inspiration, as Esalen’s focus has been on the intersection on philosophy, spirituality, and psychology.  My friend Gretchen told me the other day that one of her life goals is to go to Esalen, and that there are two things that stir her with passion and excitement in this world: love and the programs at Esalen.  I could not agree more.  Yet, I chose the right program to attend, it was exactly what my soul needed at this moment in time. 

Dacher shared the 8 aspects of wonder which include: Mystical Experience/Spirituality, Moral Beauty (Kindness and Courage we witness in others), Visual Design, Music, Collective Effervescence (what we experience in concerts or sporting events), Life and Death, Nature, Big Ideas. Through focusing on awe and wonder several times a week, we can decrease loneliness, depression, and increase a sense of gratitude.  Although Dacher is a social psychologist, that has studied happiness, has consulted with Pixar for the films Inside Out and Soul, and helped create the emojis for Facebook, he recently pivoted his work toward the concepts of Awe and Wonder. He chose to do this after his brother Rolf died of colon cancer.  There was so much grief there as he reflected the totality of the experiences around the world together over decades, but also with this was a sense of awe for the life cycle.  He knew he could emerge from this grief from studying and focusing on awe. 

Throughout the workshop we learned about the research of Awe and Wonder, completed experiential exercises collectively or in small groups, and processed what was arising internally through reflective writing exercises and contemplation.  The group that consisted of 33 people of all different ages cried together, smiled, laughed, and shared about experiences of bliss, wonder, and grief.  The concept of awe and wonder seemed so simple, this is something we used to relish in as children, and at times when we are mindful.  Yet it is so poignant.  Over the past fifteen years, I have a daily practice of gratitude, but I admit at times it can get stale.  Adding one reflection of what brought me wonder could enrich this each night.  I realize that my Instagram posts (amodernpilgrimage) is to pivot and remind others of the sacred places in the world, sacred moments, and the sacredness in oneself also point to the sense of awe and wonder.

On the 6 ½ hour drive up to Esalen, we listened to the entire soundtrack of Hamilton.  My friend had never heard of it, and has not been exposed to many musicals in her life.  As I drove up the 101 North, I cried at parts of the songs that always seem to touch me.  That musicals seems to express the vastness of emotions we have and the rawness of the human experience.  This is why I love this creation so much, and I realized it was a wonderful introduction to the Awe and Wonder weekend.  Oftentimes, when I am so moved by something, whether this is a piece of art, writing, song, interaction with a stranger, or a beautiful landscape I want to share this.  I yearn for this peak emotion of Awe, which is easily accessible to us. 

For the research of the book, the following question was asked to thousands of people from nearly 30 countries :

What is an experience of awe that you have had, when you encountered a vast mystery that transcends your understanding of the world?

From this, the 8 wonders of life were created.  And so I encourage you today to reflect on this question, share this question with a friend, acquaintance or even a stranger.  Let it land on you and allow yourself to linger on the beauty of reflection and conversation.

Retreats

03 Jun 2024 Leave a comment

by Dr. Tricia Wolanin in Uncategorized Tags: , , , ,

Somehow I have learned to feel at home on a retreat, regardless of the location. I know how it works.  There is a sense of familiarity in that you are going to be asked to connect with the collective present, with oneself, and hopefully nature.  Space will be available for silence and processing, after being pushed out of your comfort box.  Opportunities for reflection walks and moments alone journaling are abundant.

Limited time is given to post on social media or check your emails. Your daily busy routines are interrupted by a long pause.  One slows down and cannot escape oneself, and all the moments for awe and wonder arise.  It doesn’t matter where the retreat setting is:    on a mountain top in the chill rich autumn months, on the beach on a hot summer day, next to the ocean in a natural spring bath during the fluctuating weather of spring.  If you listen, sacredness is present.

But even though I know the structure of what may arise at a retreat, there’s always some element of surprise. There is a new piece of information I hear that I cannot wait to share with a loved one, or something that is unravelled that you discover about yourself. Or the essence of the land becomes embedded in your bones, and there is a vow to return to this exact healing place again.

Retreats nourish our bodies, souls, and minds. They cradle our overworked bodies, while providing a nook to sleep in, and satiate your belly with delicious healthy cuisine.  And somehow for a moment, we feel satisfied with what is in the human experience.  The joys we celebrate, sorrows we grieve, mysteries that unfold, and the sublime feeling that lingers.

Like the ocean waves that hit the rocks and sway back to source, there is a natural rhythm present, a push and pull that’s gravitational.  Nothing shall be feared if one surrenders to the creative process that one is immersed in.  Retreats call us back to ourselves.  That inner self that is unique and yet the same as everyone else.  Perhaps this is what Jospeh Campbell meant when he said “Follow Your Bliss,” as he returned to the Esalen retreat center annually for his birthday.  Someone who studied mythology and cultures from around the world when travel was limited and met with some of the greatest minds and artists of his time, chose to return to a retreat center in Big Sur California each year to honor his birth.

Magic happens at retreat centers that is ineffable, and it is my hope you grant yourself this gift. Perhaps it will be once, but I have a feeling if you are moved as much as Joseph Campbell and I, you will be called to return annually to come home to yourself.